FWB: When is it time to let go?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
FWB: When is it time to let go?
2
Fri, 05-30-2008 - 10:19am

A friends with benefits (FWB) relationship can be wonderful, but there are times when you need to let it go.

Check out the new Tracy Cox video on this very topic:
http://video.ivillage.com/player/?id=257263

Let us know if you've had a similar experience that was difficult to walk away from.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2007
Sat, 07-19-2008 - 11:30pm

I had something similar happen, but I don't know if my answer will be helpful to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2007
Sun, 07-20-2008 - 1:18am

Near the end of my first marriage my STBX disappeared for a summer (he later claimed that he had entered rehab, but that's difficult to do when you don't have any money or insurance. Just another one of his lies to try to get me to stay with him). While he was gone I met someone who became a FWB. I knew from the beginning that this "relationship" was not going to go anywhere. For one thing, he was obsessed with his ex-wife (they had only been married 8 weeks before she filed for divorce), he was obsessed with his ex-GF who was the mother of his 5 year old daughter and he was an alcoholic who couldn't hold down a job. The ex-GF was always trying to take him to court for back child support, but he never had a job so he could never pay her. The reason why he came after me in the beginning was because I was a redhead who was overweight and wore glasses, just like his two other women. I was flattered in the beginning, was lonely and had zero self-esteem after being abused for 10 years. So that's why I was with him.


The "relationship" lasted 6 months. Eventually his true colors began to show. I had gone back to college during the last year of my marriage and he knew that I was receiving financial aid for my classes and that after my classes and books were paid for that I would receieve a reimburstment check for living expenses (I also had a job that paid for bills). One night he asked me to help him out with his child support. I asked him how much he was talking about and he held up one finger. I thought he meant $100. No, he meant $1000! He wanted me to give him (and it wouldn't be a loan, cause there was no way he'd ever be able to pay me back) $1000 for a kid that wasn't even mine. Needless to say, he was pretty pissed off when I refused. That was the beginning of the end. We began to fight more and more until finally he left in a huff (his ex-GF and her new BF picked him up from my place). I didn't see or hear from him until almost a year later when he called me on New Year's Eve, expecting me to let him come over. But I wasn't alone. I had Master in my life by then.


It wasn't difficult to say goodbye to the FWB. When he left I'd been chatting with Master online for about two months and already knew that W/we heading into a serious relationship. And I was tired of being used by the FWB. His usefullness was gone by then and I no longer needed him.