FWB..............need advice............
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| Sun, 12-17-2006 - 3:26pm |
I have entered this question but received no responses so I will put it here and hopefully someone can help.
I was wondering how the whole FWB thing works. I understand it is a person that you meet up with for sex and there is nothing else invovled. So, what are the rules. I know they vary according to who is involved but generally how does it work. Do you call and go meet up then call again when you want more? I would assume there is no need to call again the next morning or in the next few days as one might expect of a relationship but is there a certain amount of time you wait for the next 'meeting'. My friend attempted this once but she never called the guy back and he never called her. (She was waiting for him to call but maybe he was waiting for her to call) Two weeks later she had a real boyfriend so we never figured out what would have happened. (She had moved and got a new number)
I have heard that these things never work. I was comtimplating (sorry for any spelling errors) this issue and I just want some info on how the whole thing works. If I have one encounter with the guy do I just wait until he calls, do I call when I would like another? How have people gone about this, what were rules that were used, how does it generally work? From the guys point of view would you rather the girl to call or for you to call her, to arrange something.?
Any info would be great!!

You call when you feel like having sex. You don't wait for him to call.
FWB situations vary widely. It's about what you want. You have a person that you know and you are friendly with them (it varies from relationship to relationship). You don't love them, you don't expect any more from them than you would from your best girlfriend. In fact they may be exactly like a friend (except that you have sex with them) or they may only be an acquaintance that you don't see very often. If you want sex, you call and see if they're interested today. If they are, you get them to visit you or you go and visit them. You have sex. Maybe you stay the night, maybe you don't. You can say "See you next time", kiss them on the cheek or shake hands or whatever you feel comfortable with, and that it's it. Leave. Maybe you interact with them socially, maybe you don't see them until you or they want sex again, maybe you work with them, maybe you see them in Church on Sundays? Who knows? How and when you see them is up to you.
What you don't do is get emotionally involved. If he wants to date someone-else then you are disappointed that the sex has just stopped but you certainly aren't "jealous" or "upset". Good enough to have sex with, but not good enough to want a relationship with....
Great post. This is just what it is.
I had a FWB experience for a year and a half, ending late this summer. I learned a lot from it. She lived about three hours away, so we would very often meet at a motel halfway between. Strictly for a couple of drinks and very heavy sex -- much more intense than anything I'd previously experienced. Then we'd leave. We did spend the night together a few times; that always seemed to add much more dignity to the whole thing and we really got along famously. We even went on a couple of "real" dates and indeed took a weekend holiday together.
It was good because I didn't care about her. Never thought she'd be much interest to my friends, relatives, etc., and her life just wouldn't integrate with mine very well. She wasn't particularly smart. She didn't cook. She was cute and very pleasant to be with and that's that. I wasn't gentle with her either physically or emotionally. I couldn't have cared less how raunchy my language was with her -- in fact that part was really fun.
It ended about as quickly as it began though. She met someone local and got into a normal boyfriendy-type relationship. But when we stopped seeing each other I found that I really, really, really, REALLY missed her. The whole thing had affected me WAY much more than I thought.
I later did the same -- found a regular gf. *Caution* when coming out of a FWB situation though: I really had problems at the outset of this new relationship. This new girl is certainly someone I care about, very smart, elegant, and very slight. I find myself being careful with her in sexual situations and not just letting it go. It took weeks before I actually orgasmed inside her, it just wasn't hot. No deepthroating and insane facials and going completely crazy without the slightest worry. Very mild-mannered sex by comparison, although she's slowly learning to open up more.
I do miss the FWB moments for sure. It's hard to explain why it's like heroin. I think it's a bit unfair to later lovers though -- it can just set you up for a bit of disappointment.
I have a school time friend - went to college with her and we shared an apartment. She had a relationship with a distant cousin and he was a regular visitor to our place - atleast twice a month if not more. It was always on weekends.
She was involved with others at various times - a regular boyfriend in school, in college and then she got married.
Her 'FWB' visited her all the time and I know she still sees him. He's also married and they get together regularly. She did confide in me and told me it was beyond love - they were way to comfortable with each other. Had no 'hang-ups' in life and they are both there to support and share burdens of life. She explained their relationship as too good to be true - only thing was they could never get married or let the secret out.
So I guess - It's love at a different level, not letting anyone else know, and being there for each other for times other than sex as well.
My opinion is that they don't work...for both people. One always gets involved with the hopes that it will lead to more. Typically, the female.
It really makes no difference who calls who, etc. Feelings, impressions don't matter, remember? It's just sex. And if you are putting minor road blocks up even establishing a sex only relationship, then maybe it's not for you. The whole point of an FWB is no rules, no strings. Just sex.