Gagging oral

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Gagging oral
5
Wed, 06-29-2005 - 2:06pm
I am a woman. My partner will not go down on me. We have discussed it. I have been understanding and patient and waited a year while they have made no attempt. My partner SAYS they want to do it, but I have finally had to realize maybe they just don't want to. I have basically given up hope. But it hurts because this is very important to me. When I try to encourage my partner about it, they just feel pressured and get upset. What should I do? We have been together a year and a half and are happy other than this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2005
In reply to: hungryscorp
Wed, 06-29-2005 - 3:09pm

(20/m)I feel bad for you because I know how much my girl loves it when I go down on her. We've been together for almost 2 and a half years now, but in the beginning she was hesitant. The reason why I didn't go down on her at first was because of her and her insecurities. Once she got over them, (around the 9th or 10th month) she's been really happy and very comfortable about the whole thing.

But as far as your situation, did you ever get any specifics from him as to exactly why he doesn't want to??? I remember one reason why my girl did not want me to go down on her was because she thought that I would not like the smell. It was funny, she kept saying to me that it smelled like fish. But I would always respond by saying that I love to "eat" fish! Another reason why she didn't want me to go down on her was because she thought that I wouldn't like all the hair down there. But again, I responded to that by telling her how much I loved it and didn't mind at all. And in general she didn't want me to go down on her because she just didn't feel comfortable, and it just took time.

What I'm trying to tell you, is to find out specifically what it is that is keeping him from going down on you (kinda like what I did when my girl didn't want me to go down on her)

let me know what happens.....

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: hungryscorp
Wed, 06-29-2005 - 4:59pm

You've been with this guy for a year and a half already...is this something that you could live without forever? That might be a possibility that you must consider.

You titled your post "Gaggin oral." Does that mean that he gags when he tries to do oral? But even if your partner SAYS that he wants to do it, unless he DOES it, he's just stalling.

I would let him know that you enjoy oral sex very much and that you want to show him how to please you. Then the ball's in his court.

It may be that his concern is that he's a novice at cunnilingus and he doesn't want to embarrass himself but it sounds like he's just turned off by the act. Only you can decide if you want to continue in a relationship where oral sex for you isn't an option.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
In reply to: hungryscorp
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 3:45pm
Thanks everyone for your advice. In response, I am not insecure about my body or about receiving oral. It is also not a smell or taste issue for my partner (I've asked). And it is not my partner's insecurity because my partner has gone down on me before (no w/o difficulty) and was great at it (and I said so). The issue is my partner's over-active gag reflex which we have found no way around. Any suggestions?
thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2005
In reply to: hungryscorp
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 6:03pm
I know at first my boyfriend didnt want to because he was afraid he wasnt going to do it right or that someone would be better than him. Eventually he got frustrated that he couldnt make me orgasm with sex. He found one of my Cosmo mags and read oral is really good for that and one day surprised me and tried it. Good Luck with your situation! Go down on him and ask him to return the favor.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: hungryscorp
Sat, 07-02-2005 - 4:11pm

Well, it is possible that he doesn't want to SAY that it's the taste or smell, too. He wouldn't want to hurt your feelings like that. Some men believe that a woman's genitals should smell like roses or fresh laundry or something.

But if his gagging is a result of sticking his tongue way out in order to reach your vulva, then maybe he should get closer and maybe that will help. Other than that, I don't know what you can do.