Genuine help needed please
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| Tue, 05-22-2007 - 5:54pm |
Hi everyone, sorry in advance if this is wrong place, looking for serious advice here so if somewhere else I should post then please let me know.
Basically we're going out for four years now,just got engaged but there is one major problem - which he won't acknowledge. Right well, I'd say for the last three years he hasn't been able "finish" during sex, other than maybe once or twice total during that time. He has no problem getting excited or maintaining it, or even coming other ways than through sex but just can't during sex. He will talk about it just about, but then gets annoyed and doesn't want to actually do anything about it - we don't live in America and counselling / therapy etc isn't something "real men" need as far as he is concerned. (That's not a dig at anyone by the way, would love it if he would consider it but unfortunately not). I really want to have kids a few years down the line and obviously this is going to be a major problem in that regard - to the point where I'm not sure I would marry him if I knew this would not be resolved or at least that he would make an effort to do so. I have said this to him but he just brushes it off and tries to put off doing anything about it as far as possible.
We're both in mid twenties, no kids already and while we probably have got bit stuck in rut we do try new things occasionally and to be honest I don't think thats the problem. Even times when say we have been apart for a few weeks when we get back together it still doesn't happen - he says he just knows it isn't going to happen and so after while he says we might as well give up.
Sorry its sooo long for my first post, and again sorry if in wrong place. Any genuine help or suggestions would be really really appreciated...

Hi welcome!
I think your in the right place.
Is he on any meds?
Have yall ever gone to the doctor?
Has he ever had this poblem with any one else?
For the last 3 yrs he's been having this problem.
So that means for the first yr. he wasn't right?
I really think he should see a Dr about this it
doesn't sound normal and it's not counscelling
He could have a major health issue that needs
to be addressed he really needs to find out if
there's something wrong with him. You could look it
up on the internet as well. I would google it.
Try erectile disfunction.
Hope this helps let us know how it goes or what you find out.
Kareese
Welcome to the board ccsmurf.
Since he is able to orgasm and ejaculate in other ways, I would suspect that the problem is psychological. The factors that can play into psychological problems are many (I will talk about some below).
Is he willing to see is primary care physician to discuss his problem? That way, the doctor can give him advice and at least rule out any medical conditions that could contribute to the problem. Many medical conditions (heart disease, diabetes, depression, etc.) and medications can also cause problems.
Here are some psychological problems that may be intereferring:
Feeling pressured to ejaculate.
Fear of pregnancy.
Fearing that his partner will not be satisfied.
Also, there is "training". If he frequently masturbates, he can be trained to cum that way. His hand will provide a tighter grip and different stimulation than he can get during intercourse.
Here is a link that you might want to have him read:
Cannot Reach Orgasm or Ejaculate
http://health.ivillage.com/sexualhealth/sxarousal/0,,5l5w,00.html
Good luck, and feel free to come back here and talk about how things are going.
my partner in the siggy exchange
If he can finish any way but intercourse, then there's nothing physically wrong with him. It's something psychological/emotional that's holding him back. Maybe he's afraid you'll get pregnant?
In any case, it's something that shouldn't bother you, it has nothing to do with you. It should also probably just be ignored, because the bigger the deal you make out of it, the worse it will be. He's concentrating SOOOO hard that he's not really enjoying what he's doing, and that might be the problem. It's the same with female orgasms. If you make it a "goal"......you defeat the purpose.
Try reassuring him that it makes no difference to you, and you'll be happy to help him finish any way he wants. If you take the pressure off him, it might help.
It shouldn't have any bearing on having babies in the future. Hopefully in time, he'll get over it, but even if he doesn't......he can masturbate at the entrance to your vagina....and all it takes is one sperm. Don't worry about that, help him get over the problem that he has now by dropping the subject....and letting nature take it's course.