getting harder to reach orgasm
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getting harder to reach orgasm
| Mon, 05-01-2006 - 8:58am |
My wife and I have a great sexual relationship. In the past, we've had blissful love with a dildo & vibe. Later she felt guilty...so we tossed 'em. Much to my disappointment.
However, recently I purchased a penis ring vibe...which drove her nuts. She's always been multi...but this was over the top. she luvs getting on top and grinding...both of us at the same time is really good!!!
However, recently, she’s had difficulty reaching an orgasm. Said she's on the fence so to speak. Two nights ago she climaxed but was unable to get to No.2...and last night, well, after a long time grinding, she couldn't climax at all. Is it that she may be enjoying the ride so much that it’s holding back the O ? I know she absolutely luvs the way the vibe & me feel...anyone else experience this blissful love only to lose your ability to orgasm?
As a side note...she doesn't have access to these lovemaking toys during the day...so overuse is not the issue. She's also on the brink of her menstrual cycle.
However, recently I purchased a penis ring vibe...which drove her nuts. She's always been multi...but this was over the top. she luvs getting on top and grinding...both of us at the same time is really good!!!
However, recently, she’s had difficulty reaching an orgasm. Said she's on the fence so to speak. Two nights ago she climaxed but was unable to get to No.2...and last night, well, after a long time grinding, she couldn't climax at all. Is it that she may be enjoying the ride so much that it’s holding back the O ? I know she absolutely luvs the way the vibe & me feel...anyone else experience this blissful love only to lose your ability to orgasm?
As a side note...she doesn't have access to these lovemaking toys during the day...so overuse is not the issue. She's also on the brink of her menstrual cycle.

Even though you think this isn't an overuse issue...it very well could be.
I know I've seen several women post about getting used to their toys, and therefore having a harder time orgasming either with the toys or with their partner alone. Personally, if I use a vibe every time we have sex, after a few times, it takes me longer to come from the vibe. And if I decide to nix the toys for a while...it takes a few rounds of toy-free sex for me to start orgasming again.
Your experience (and your wife's) may vary - but I think it might be worth taking a few days off the toy.
1. Orgasms aren't necessarily the "measure" of pleasure or successful sex.
2. We all have our "off days"....and the time of the month can also have something to do with it......because the hormones are fluctuating.
3. Is she complaining? Or is it just that it bothers YOU?
We aren't machines though. We are affected by factors outside ourselves, many of which are out of our control. In other words, LIFE.
Being distracted, being out of sorts, being slightly depressed, and yes, hormonal fluctuations can cause sex to be different from one time to the next.
I don't think you or she should worry about it. I'm just curious as to why she felt guilty about the toys?
However, in the past, I would catch her using the toys behind my back, and then not wanting to share with me. I think we're much more open to the idea...because we know the love is there with us, and she knows I really enjoy pleasing her.
As for her not having a orgasms, it doesn't bother me in the least...i love to watch her sweet beauty on top. It bothers her...mostly because she enjoys it. I would assume.
So, she felt the intimacy was missing before and it was all about the sex. That makes sense.
Was there an agreement that she wasn't allowed to masturbate with the toys? IF not, then why would it bother you? You masturbate, too, I assume.
But worrying about orgasming can be the very reason why she isn't orgasming.
So, she's frustrated, and more than likely, that frustration is causing the problem. It's called a "self fulfilling prophecy".....and it happens to men and to women. Something goes wrong ONCE, and then the next time you're so worried that it will happen again that it DOES! Again, orgasms are NOT necessary to enjoy sex, and frustrating though it is to get to the brink, and then nothing happens, she needs to understand that it DOES happen to everyone occasionaly, and it's NOT the end of the world.
Women's hormones fluctuate....they change as we get older, and enter perimenopause, and then menopause. They go up and down during every cycle, sometimes more than other times. Even though orgasms really come from the brain more than the physical aspects of sex...hormones can affect the brain, too.
Both of you need to just forget the orgasms, and concentrate on everything else that's going on. If she was orgasmic, then she's orgasmic, and she's just going thru a temporary situation. The more she worries about it, the longer it will continue.