getting him to be rougher

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
getting him to be rougher
4
Mon, 12-19-2005 - 4:49pm

Overall I have a good sex life and i'm happy with it... but there are times i wish i could get my partner to be rougher with me. I like being over powered occasionally, and being bitten when ever i can get it. I've brought it up a few time with him.... and i'll give him credit he has tried but never quite gotten it right... like he'll nip me but lets go to soon. Or pins my hands but again releases them after a minute.

He's never said anything but i suspect he's worried about hurting me. He is a lot stronger then i am... and a more then a couple years my senior and i think the combination makes him see me a lot more fragile then i am.

I'm trying to figure out how to get him to see that these are things i really like and i'm not going to break. I'm sure if i could just get him give me one good bite he'd catch on really fast that i REALLY like it.

Any ideas?

k

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Mon, 12-19-2005 - 5:10pm
Why can't you just instruct him during the act? During the throes of passion, moan to him that you want him to bite you and tell him exactly where...."Bite my neck." Then while he's doing it, tell him while moaning how hard. "Oh yes...harder....harder." and keep at it until he gets it right. Same thing with pinning you down. Say "Don't let go until I beg you to." ;-) The key is not to rush it. It could take time...to just get it right. The other thing though is you have to keep the communication open with him. MaKe sure that he's comfortable with what's going on at all times. He may not like doing those things even if he gets them right. You wouldn't want him to do things that he's not comfortable with right? Good luck. Sex is an adventure.....enjoy. ;-)
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
Avatar for gigi_1000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-19-2005 - 8:32pm
A short while after each session, have a critique with him, going over the issues and the length of the bites, etc. If he doesn't get feedback from you, he will continue to get a failing grade. I think most reasonable men would be reluctant to use too much force when making love, so the increase in roughness has to be increased by small increments until it is just as YOU want it. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Mon, 12-26-2005 - 5:26pm
Introduce some spanking into your lovemaking. Rent some movies that show rough sex and tell him "Believe it or not ... that turns me on!" When in the middle of lovemaking, ask him to bite you or hold you down. I had a guy once who I was totally in love with, but was like your guy - scared of the rough stuff. I need it and it is a requirement in my sex life. Some people don't understand that. Everyone's needs are different. Let him know that. And good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Mon, 12-26-2005 - 6:26pm

I agree with what others have written but wanted to share my own story/suggestion.


Recently I stumbled upon the erotic writings of Lora Leigh and there's a DomSub theme to it.