getting it up
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getting it up
| Tue, 12-12-2006 - 12:51pm |
my boyfriend and ihave been together roughly 9 months. and we've been sexually active for about 8 of those 9. for about the first onth and a half to two months, the sex was great, he had no problem turning me on and getting turned on himself. but about month 3 or 4, we started having some physical problems. the first was that he wouldn't take long enough with the foreplay to get meinto it, resulting in a little pain at first during sex. i try to work this out & he is getting better. but the second problem showed up shortly after the first, and continues to this day. this problem is that he either 1. cannot get an erection, or 2. can't sustain one. i've tried everything i can think of, and nothing helped. i asked him if it was something i was or wasn't doing and he said no. every time this happens, he gets upset & hides it, and its gotten to the point where we've gone from having sex 4 + times a week to maybe once a week or less. now, i know age has nothing to do with this. he is 21 and im 20. can anybody give me advice on how to fix this little problem?

You can fix it by not making it into a problem! Beyond that, there's nothing you can do.....and his problem isn't that he's not "turned on".
Since this started after you talked to him about foreplay, or the lack of it, now he's worried and upset that YOU aren't happy.....and worry makes him lose it.
Continue to tell him how happy he makes you.....so he won't continue to worry that he's NOT.
Whatever it is, it's in his head, and you can't fix it for him. Time and relaxation is what will fix it.
The important thing is just to NOT think about it. Or mention it.
When you were a kid, did you ever think about breathing, and you became really self-conscious about it, and then obsessing over it, but sooner or later you forgot about it? It's kinda like that.
I've been sexually active for, what, 26 years, and I tell ya, when you start thinking about it everything gets goofy. I remember, in high school, I had finally gotten the prettiest girl in school into bed and boy was I ever pumped, the bragging rights would be outta this world. But I got nervous and there was no erection despite my wanting one sooooo badly! The more I thought about it, the more impossible it became. Later, I went home afterward and masturbated perfectly normally -- it was so frustrating! (Fortunately, I later got to complete the deed, which was good else I'd have spent a life in therapy!)
Once in a while in the years since, the same type of thing happens, often with new lovers until you get synced up, or maybe something happens like, one time you're not in the mood, and then it happens every time. Or sometimes you can have an erection but no orgasm. Nothing as embarrassing as, say you pull out to make a show of unloading on the girl's cute tummy or some other body part, which i used to make a regular habit of, then it just won't happen. Sooo embarrassing!!! (But funny too.)
Long and short, he can't think about it. It's perfectly okay for him to joke about it but not you! Eventually things will return to normal -- that's just the natural way of things. Humor helps greatly. Nothing is perfect, let alone people.
ED can be either psychological or physical.