Getting over hang ups?
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Getting over hang ups?
| Wed, 08-25-2004 - 1:51am |
I seem to have picke dup a lot of... well not quite hang ups about sex but worries. I know where they came from. My exbf.... I was very inexperienced when i got involved with him. And well he wasn't the nicest guy(i reliezed this after the fact of course) and would just out right tell me if what i was doing didn't work for him. No suggestions. Just basicly telling me i wasn't any good at it.
So now I'm seeing a new guy. We're starting to talk about sex and well it's leaving me uneasy. I like him... I want to sleep with him. But I'm worried I won't be good enough for him. Or he won't have the patience to help me work through some of this.
We've talked about some of my issues... but not in great detail. I have trouble talking about it because i just find it so embarressing that i was so stupid to have stayed with ex as long as i did. And worse to admit that at 25 I've only really slept with that one guy.
I don't quite know how to handle it all.
k

You can't compare the guy you are with now to your ex.
2. This guy isn't your ex!
3. There is nothing embarassing about having been with ONLY one other guy at age 25...better than having been with 20 or 30! There is also nothing embarassing about being inexperienced.
So your ex told you you were "no good" at it? Like he's a judge? From the way you describe him, no one would ever have been good enough for him!
Every guy is different, and even if you'd been with several guys before, you'd have to learn what this one wants and likes, too. By the same token, HE has to learn what you want and like. That's what a good relationship is all about, LEARNING about each other.
No matter how experienced you are, sex for the first time with a new partner is always a little awkward.......but it gets better all the time.
Just because your ex was a real jerk, don't let that mess up your future relationships. Most guys are very happy to tell you what makes them feel good. You've already talked, so he knows you're not very experienced, and it's not going to bother him.
Just relax, and trust him, and trust yourself. If the feelings are there, it'll be good, and as time goes by, and you gain confidence, it'll get even better.