Getting your Husband "in the mood" again

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Getting your Husband "in the mood" again
3
Fri, 10-07-2005 - 12:11pm

Hi everyone...

I just found these boards a few days ago and WOW has it been fun! This could be a very long story, but I will try to keep it brief... My husband and I have been married for 9 years and we have 4 children. Over the years we have settled into a very bad habit of not making "time" for eachother! Lately (the last 2 months) I have had a complete turn around. I do take most of the blame for never wanting to have "sex", but at the same time he made no effort either. He said it was because he didn't want pressure me at all and I appreciate that, but I WANT badly for us to have a great intimate relationship. I am trying, but I still feel like he is stuck in our old ways of doing things. I want more foreplay and longer time together. In the past we were lucky to get 5 minutes.... I can't explain the sudden change, but I am thrilled about it and want very much to get him on board. It took a long time to get this way, so I am trying to be patient and get him back to the way we were. I am EXCITED about this and would love for you guys to share some things I could do to get him wanting it like I do now. Maybe just some fun (but subtle) ways to get him excited for our "alone" time when the kids go to bed!! Can't wait to hear from ya! Thanks....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Fri, 10-07-2005 - 1:27pm

Hi Melisa, and welcome to the board!

First and foremost, have you talked to him about it? That should be the first step. If you've put him off in the past, and he stopped trying to "push" you......are you sure he knows you've changed?

Pick a time when you're alone, (I know, that's hard with little ones) and talk to him about it. He sounds like he's understanding, and I'm sure he realizes that with 4 kids, you don't have much time or energy for anything. Also, just giving birth four times in a row can play havoc with your hormones, which are a big part of libido.

Tell him what you told us. You miss the intimacy, and you miss the sex. Just hearing that ought to inspire him some! Then, suggest some alone time.....if you can get grandparents to baby sit, plan a night or two in some fancy hotel, if you can afford that, or just a night alone at home, no kids, soft music, candles, etc.

There's nothing better than communication to express your feelings. Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Fri, 10-07-2005 - 1:43pm

Thanks Dakine...

I just wanted to let you know that yes I have been telling him about my "new" feelings. ALOT actually, and I am feeling like I am pressuring him. Crazy how the rolls have just reversed. You are right though, he is VERY understanding and he is a greaat husband in almost every other way. This is just a situation we have created unfortunately, and I know it will be GREAT for BOTH of us if we make this change. Patience isn't my best virtue and I wish what took us years to break would take minutes to fix. I just thought some fun ideas might nudge him along and make for some new, fun experiences for us! Thanks again....

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-07-2005 - 3:57pm

Welcome to the board melisamom!

One thing that always seems to work for us is just allowing my DH to see my body more...in the shower, tub, changing, flashing him throughout the evening, etc. And TALKING about sex seems to steer his mind where you'd like for his body to go. For him, it's just the thing he needs to remind him of how great sex can be when you make time to enjoy it.

We get into mommy/daddy mode, work mode, efficiency mode and sex is put on the back burner. Very common mistake we all seem to make. I'm glad to hear that you're turning things around though.