GF only climaxes on top

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
GF only climaxes on top
17
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 9:23am

My gf of about 8 months and I have a pretty good thing going. We are both single parents, and don't get to see each other as often as either would like. But when we are together it's great (she's even said so!). The sex has been great, as we are both very much into pleasing the other. Plus, we have open communication about what we like and don't like.

My question though is about how she can only cum when she is on top, atleast that is what she says. She claims she has never had an orgasm any other way, not even during oral. And, personally, I pride myself on giving quality oral (not that I'm bragging, here). Sometimes, when it feels like she may be getting close to climaxing during oral, she starts to giggle, claiming that it tickles (this is usually when I am putting pressure on her clit). She likes other sexual positions - missionary, rear entry, etc. But, she has only cum when she is on top. She just seems to accept that is how she is. I've asked her about it, but I don't make a big deal about it.

I'm not losing any sleep over this at this point. We enjoy sex together and frankly, we don't get to spend enough time together to make this a big issue. If we had like an entire weekend together I'm sure we could go through a bunch of techniques to see what other sexual acts/positions could possibly bring her to orgasm. It just makes me wonder if it's a control issue for her. Does anyone have any experience with this type of thing?

thanks

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Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 10:57am

Well, you obviously understand the importance of clitoral stimulation but what you're describing sounds normal to me. MOST women, as well as men, find it easier to orgasm in one particular position or act than others and may engage in others before finishing in their favorite.

Being on top means that she can control the speed, depth and placement of your penis and more importantly, allows her to get the clitoral stimulation she needs. So yes, in THAT sense, it probably is a control issue.

We often recommend this position to women who aren't manually stimulating themselves in other positions. You might try providing that in some other position, if you aren't already, to see if she can climax. But she may be one of those women who simply cannot tolerate direct stimulation.




Edited 1/12/2005 11:40 am ET ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 11:00am

Dude - you should be happy she CAN climax! A lot of women can't even do that! Sometimes if a woman has had trouble in the past, and she finds a way where she can, she'll stick with that. Some women can ONLY climax through oral. Some have NEVER had a vaginal orgasm.

As far as your oral "skills", aside from a knowledge of the female anatomy, you can pretty much throw your "skills" out the window with every woman you encounter. They are all different, and they all like different things in different situations. Some like it soft, some hard, some tongue, some finger, some w/ insertion, some not. You get the point? You need to find out how SHE likes it. And she might not even like it that way EVERY time. Sometimes you can go right to the button, but more often than not, you need to work your way there slowly. And you need to get her to tell you what feels good, and what just feels downright bad. If you are doing oral on her, and she's getting into it, and then you just hit the button wrong, she'll just probably want you to give up and she get a top and finish that way. It is better if you have a goal of just exciting her, not giving her an orgasm. It's just too much pressure to "perform" for her, and she'll never relax enough to cum.

Be creative, and above all find out what SHE likes. If you are just going down there with smoe "routine" that has always worked for other women in the past, chances are she likes it OK, but it's not the way to HER orgasm. You have to pay attention, look for signs of pleasure. Ask her to vocalize her pleasure, tell you when something feels good and when something doesn't. The main thing is just relax and have fun!

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 11:08am

"As far as your oral skills, aside from general knowledge of female anatomy, you can pretty throw your skills out the window with every woman you encounter."

Amen to THAT, jhun! WE are all as individual and unique in our sexual responses as men are! So, you start at square one with each one, there are no shortcuts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 12:18pm

I wouldn't say it's a control issue at all, except she knows what works or her and what doesn't.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 2:24pm

I'm glad everyone else said it! Whatever your "technique" is/was, that was with other women....she is NOT other women, she's uniquely herself.

She may not even realize it, but being on top is the best way to get clitoral stimulation during intercourse....and 75-80% of women NEED clitoral stimulation during intercourse to have orgasms.

It sounds like maybe she's stopping you too soon during oral, but that's her prerogative. Tish suggested that if it's too intense for her, stay AWAY from direct contact, and go around the clitoris. Also, her suggestion of using your finger to find her "g" spot while you're giving her oral might surprise her favorably. That's called the "Venus Butterfly" and it can give fantastic orgasms (as well as possible ejaculation!).

I think you've got the idea already that it doesn't really make any difference how we have orgasms....it's just good to have them. As jhun said, there are plenty of women who've never had them from ANY source.

If you want to try other postitions, go right ahead. No one says we have to have orgasms from every position....then when it gets to that point, switch to her on top.

Just don't make it into a mission. Allow nature to take it's course. Try whatever you want, and enjoy it all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2005
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 2:36pm

I agree with the other posters, that most women are able to climax only in certain positions. And that's not unusual. I can only climax thru oral or missionary. My bf doesn't seem to mind. We try lots of different positions during sex, but usually missionary ends up last so that we can climax together.

So, I really wouldn't worry about your gf. But there's nothing wrong with experimenting either!

Jamie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2004
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 5:05pm

Oh man now I have a complex...I can only climax during on top sex. Has nothing to do with control except that I am incontrol of how much pressure, and where. If I could do it another way I would. I used to only climax with x hubby during oral but really it was only with me sitting on his face incontrol of the grinding. So I don't know if that counts. FYI even when I am taking care of myself I still have to be on top ( hard to explain but requires a few pillows).

Really I was just glad I could go thru intercourse at all, but know you have me wondering if I ammaking my DH unhappy by not going any other way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2004
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 5:49pm
The only way that it is a "control issue" is that she can control her movement when she is on top and go as fast or as slow as she needs to, to get off. When she is on top her G-spot gets the stimulation she needs to orgasam.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Fri, 01-14-2005 - 8:01am

Hello Gen dale, I did not mean to alarm anyone. The fact that my gf has only climxed while on top is not upsetting to me, I was just trying to get some feedback to see if this is common..which is seems to be. If you and DH are having sex on a regular basis w/o any other issues..I would not worry about it. If you are still wondering if it bothers him that you only cum on top, then just ask him.

I wanted to thank you all for your comments and suggestions. I do realize that most people have a particular position or act in which they find it easier to orgasm. I have just never found anyone that has only climaxed in one position her entire life. She says it's not an issue for her, so it's not for me either. I only brought up the situation to hear others ideas in order to build upon the good sexual relationship we have already. If we can bring her to orgasm in some other position or through oral, then great. If she continues to only climax on top, that's fine with me too.

I guess it did come accross that I had anointed myself 'King of Cunninlingus'. As you all said, every woman is different. While my gf is open to the concept of open communication in sex, it is not something that comes easy to her. Her sexual relationship with her ex-husband was quite poor and they never talked. So, while I have tried to assure her that I want to hear about what she likes and does not like, it does not come naturally to her. I'm not pressuring her to talk, as I know that she will eventually, given time and growth in our relationship. For the time being, I am listening to her non-verbal responses during oral.

I am interested in stimulating the g-spot while going down on her. Unfortunately, I must admit that I am a bit ignorant as to locating it. Furthermore, I'm not sure what to do with it when I found it! I asked her about the g-spot, and she didn't think she had one! I do know (from what I have read) that the g-spot is on the front wall of the vagina. Again, I know that g-spot stimulation will vary for each woman. But, I would be interested to hear of others experience (both male and female) with g-spot stimulation.

Again, thanks to you all for your input and support.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 01-14-2005 - 8:48am
Why would your husband be upset because you can only have an orgasm in a certain position?

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

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