Giving up on sex
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Giving up on sex
| Tue, 06-29-2004 - 1:29pm |
I just turned 18 years old and for almost 2 years now I have had almost no sex drive. I switched my birthcontrol to a lower dose of hormones so I don't think it is that. I used to have a good sex drive and since moving in with my boyfriend we have sex maybe twice a week if that. I don't do oral because I hate the taste and he doesn't do it because I don't recipricate/ don't want it, so we don't do much for foreplay. I also haven't been able to orgasm very often the last year 1/2 I used to fake it but now I just let it happen if it happens and if not oh well. I don't talk about this with my boyfriend because he feels that orgasms are not the main part of sex. I talked to him about it a while back- not telling him I can't orgasm but just talking about how sometimes if we go for long I don't feel anything and he said - " besides, that isn't what sex is about" so there is no way I am going to talk to him about it. I try to get into it and lately have been having sex more- not because I want to just to try to like it again but I mostly want it over with. I really just want to stop having sex altogether with, is this weird?

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The reason to have sex is to share love and intimacy....if you have orgasms, great, but if not, there's still a lot of pleasure to be had, both in the giving and the receiving. If you're not enjoying it, then maybe it's not the "relationship" you thought it was.
Orgasms don't make sex good.......GOOD SEX makes orgasms happen.
If it is all about your b/f getting off, then you are going to have to talk to him, tell him what you need, what you want and what your desires are for you to enjoy having sex with him.
You are only 18- and i can tell you honestly, that it took me a few more years to get the real hang of sex and feel good about what i was doing (i'm 28 now), so perhaps there's just more growing up to do in that dept...
but i worry when i hear, he does to get off then it's over...i would hope you could find someone who's turned on by you- finds you sexy and wants to explore your every inch. and believe me- those guys ARE out there! don't settle just because he's THERE. It might shock you how quickly your sex drive will return once you're being cared for and lusted after in a relationship!!!
Good luck! i hope this works out for you!
Frankly I don't blame you for not wanting sex if there is little kissing, cuddling or foreplay or oral sex. That's what good sex is about. Sure, there is more to sex than orgasms but when do you have an opportunity to lie back and just enjoy the closeness, intimacy and the sensations? You don't with this guy. If it's Wham-Bam-Thank-you-Madam! sex like you are getting then what woman is going to enjoy that or be interested in it again?
I think that you have stopped enjoying sex because you aren't getting good sex in the first place. Add to that your age - basically your entire sex life has been with this one guy. You don't know what you are missing. It's no wonder that you think that you have no sex drive when all that is probably wrong is that you think that this guy that is boring and selfish and bad in bed is normal!
You're going to have to talk to him and try to work at having better sex. More foreplay, oral sex (try showering just before sex and offer to blow him after he does you :) ), massages, lazy Sunday mornings in bed, wild Friday night sex, cuddling, touching, anything to make sex more enjoyable and interesting. Once that happens you'll probably find that you enjoy it more.
I hope all works out for you.
Wait until about age 25 and then you will enjoy it. you are NUTZ for having sex at such a young age. Unless you are married or something, best thing is to wait for the right man that you are really in love with (at age 23-25) and then have sex then.
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