Gonna Have To Ask...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Gonna Have To Ask...
49
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 10:28am
I'm not trying to step on anyone's toes or anything, or insult someone..But, what is the big deal with porn? I'm not talking about the kind of porn the violates an unconsenting individual. I'm talking about the porn you can download or go to the video store and rent. Or look at in a magazine. I don't understand what the big issue with porn is. Why can't someone's SO view it in his/her private time? How is viewing porn a violation of trust? I mean this in an innocent way, honestly. I just don't really understand how porn is a violation of trust. Will someone, in a kind way, explain to me how it is so?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2005
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 11:00am
My DW does not like porn. Also, given the fact that we are haivng sex 4-5 times a week I see no need for it.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 11:44am

For mutually consenting couples, who share the same views about it, there is no issue with porn. But unfortunately, that's not the case with everyone.

With couples where one feels it's immoral, degrading, or taking attention away from them or against it's use for some other reason, it can be a real conflict. If it's a marital conflict, then it becomes an issue that needs to be discussed and resolved.

We don't feel the same about many things, though, why should this subject be any different? And with the amount of posts we get on this board regarding this problem, it's obviously not an uncommon one.




Edited 5/13/2005 11:57 am ET ET by katmandoo2001
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 11:46am
That would probably be my DH's response as well, Barrister. After all, there are only 24 hours in a day!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2005
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 11:51am
Yes there are. Plus at 46 I do need a little rest between sessions (a few hours is enough).
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 12:39pm

Some people have a religious or moral objection to pornography. If one partner feels that way, and the other doesn't, then they have a problem.

Some men become obsessed with it.....preferring to look at that rather than have sex with their partner. HE has a problem, and the partner does too.

Some women are very insecure. They say it makes them feel ugly. They feel that they must compete with the porn queens. That's their problem. But, if their husband cares about their feelings, he will not only stop watching the porn, he'll try to help them build their own self image and security.

You're only hearing from the people who have a problem with it. Those who don't object, or have a problem don't come here to complain. Obviously, LOTS of people don't have a problem with it, because it's a multi-billion dollar industry. If no one looked at it, it wouldn't exist.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2005
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 1:50pm

The biggest problem I see with it is that it makes one partner insecure to know their SO is getting his rocks off looking at other womens bodies.

While that may seem silly, to them it's not. I know when I was younger and much less secure, I would have gotten insanely jealous and insecure knowing my DW was getting off looking at other bodies.

Now that I'm more secure in myself and my marriage, I find the opposite is true; It turns me on big time to see my wife getting hot by it. Go figure.

It's just like eating Brussells Sprouts, they may seem yummy to one person but really gross to another, especially me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 2:12pm
DH and I had never had an issue with it(as for insecurities) when we used it. In fact we even went to the movie theatre(prior to VHS) back when that was the only way to see porn movies.(believe me, going to a place where mostly men were alone was difficult. tee hee) However, I agree with the others, that not everyone is the same. Some people feel differently about it and some have very real reasons for their issues(addictions, being ignored).
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2004
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 3:18pm
I was wondering the same thing. But I guess it is because porn does not bother me and I like to watch it myself.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2004
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 4:04pm

Hi,

New to this board... But wanted to respond.

I think that the problem comes in where insecurities are present. And I understand the morality and decency issues some have with it but IMHO you can't mix apples with oranges, if you like to experiment sexually and your partner doesn't then one of you are going to be unhappy. Forcing your partner either way is not respectful but then the likes and dislikes should be expressed. I told my DH from the onset don't smack my ass and he responded I don't see the point. SEE: compatiblity. I know that my DH did not marry me and become blind because neither did I. If I see a handsome man I might tell my DH something like "if I weren't already spoken for, I would..." and if I see a pretty woman I might point her out to him. I saw the Post where the woman is allowing porn to ruin her sex life. She should be secure in herself and have trust in her relationship to know that he married her, not the fake boobs on camera.

Nikki

Nikki

Hot Wife to Courtney & SuperMom to David & Michael

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 4:17pm

I just think it's wrong to immediately label anyone who may have a differing point of view on the subject, as insecure or inhibited. To me, that's presumptuous and insulting and may NOT be the case at all.

Trying to tell someone else, how they SHOULD feel or SHOULD respond to this subject or any other is overstepping the bounds.

Bottom line, what works for one couple, may not for the next and it's just wrong to assume otherwise.




Edited 5/13/2005 4:20 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001

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