Gonna Have To Ask...
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Gonna Have To Ask...
| Fri, 05-13-2005 - 10:28am |
I'm not trying to step on anyone's toes or anything, or insult someone..But, what is the big deal with porn? I'm not talking about the kind of porn the violates an unconsenting individual. I'm talking about the porn you can download or go to the video store and rent. Or look at in a magazine. I don't understand what the big issue with porn is. Why can't someone's SO view it in his/her private time? How is viewing porn a violation of trust? I mean this in an innocent way, honestly. I just don't really understand how porn is a violation of trust. Will someone, in a kind way, explain to me how it is so?

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As with drugs and money and power and other s, I'd personally have to say that it isn't the itself that people take issue with, but
as always
its what it tends to to. Make sense?
I don't think porn 'itself' is the issue that people really have a problem with, but its what is does or could do for the most part that I think people have a problem with, even if they never thought about it to that level.
Just my take on it after all I've heard/read on the issue. No message in my wording about whether or not anyone's view on it is justified, I'm just sharing something interesting I recognized over the decades. If my own wife looked at porn, even while using her toy, I wouldn't brag any less about how wonderful she truly is, nor would I ever question her appetite for me, but each couple is uniquely different. Some deal with addictions more than others do, so its always going to be confusing by those of us who deal with it , always something to keep in mind.
Not a bad question, not bad at all.
C H A R A C T E R
Jennie, I haven't read all of the other responses....so forgive me if I repeat someone's thoughts.
When I first started on these boards, like you, I couldn't figure out what the big deal with porn was. It gets used in our relationship sparingly - we watch a XXX porn video together about 4 times per year. If my DH does use it alone, then he's discreet - and I don't know about it. And I have never compared myself to the women in porn because they are all silicone and airbrushing anyway.
But then I started to read all the problems. The wife who gets no sexual attention, but her partner will look at porn for hours every night. Or the wife who feels insecure when he looks, but he doesn't even have enough respect to look discreetly. This kind of thing could cause a real problem in any relationship.
While I don't believe that a woman has the right to 'demand' her husband look at no porn (it's too much like the thought police for my liking), there should be the basic expectation of discretion on his behalf.
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"it isn't the itself that people take issue with, but
as always
its what it tends to to."
I would agree with that, EXCEPT that 99% of the posts that I read about porn has the phrase "he's comparing me to them" in it.
That's insecurity. Plain and simple. They are afraid of being compared to someone's fantasies. So I think in porn's case, what they are afraid it leading to is their partner finding them lacking.
And that could be a self-fufilling prophecy b/c a whiny, controlling, tearful, unconfident partner can hold little appeal.
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It's a 40 billion dollar a year business where 90 something percent of the viewers are male. I'm sure that in there somewhere are men who actually do compare and also some who it raises expectations for. Recently a male on this board said something about...
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlletstalkab/?msg=16872.11
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But yet, it's very rare that you hear of a woman suggesting plastic surgery to her partner to enhance HER experience during sex. However, this seems to be a very common complaint among women in relationships. Particularly, among younger women. Because they ARE being compared in many cases and the expectations are becoming unreasonable.
It's not unreasonable to ask your DH to be more thoughtful and romantic but to ask him to undergo unnecessary surgery is ridiculous!!
Edited 5/14/2005 3:57 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
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