Gonna Have To Ask...
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Gonna Have To Ask...
| Fri, 05-13-2005 - 10:28am |
I'm not trying to step on anyone's toes or anything, or insult someone..But, what is the big deal with porn? I'm not talking about the kind of porn the violates an unconsenting individual. I'm talking about the porn you can download or go to the video store and rent. Or look at in a magazine. I don't understand what the big issue with porn is. Why can't someone's SO view it in his/her private time? How is viewing porn a violation of trust? I mean this in an innocent way, honestly. I just don't really understand how porn is a violation of trust. Will someone, in a kind way, explain to me how it is so?

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I think most women would agree with that. When porn ceases to be an enhancement and becomes a replacement, in a relationship, then it's a problem. Not unlike anything else used to excess or with a selfish motive.
I disagree that porn use is "natural" or "needed" though. That implies that those who choose not to use it are somehow "unnatural" and "needy" and that's just not the case.
Interest in sex and the opposite sex IS natural but HOW one chooses to express that interest is individual personal choice.
You said: "A person's sexuality isn't defined by their masturbatory tools! "
But then you said:
"Interest in sex and the opposite sex IS natural but HOW one chooses to express that interest is individual personal choice."
So which is it? Does he have the right to express his interest however he sees fit, or not?
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What is it that's unclear to you? Those two statements are not contradictory at all.
Sure, he has the right to do whatever he wants but in the context of a relationship, he will most likely be expected to make compromises with a partner.
We all have choices in expressing our sexuality but it still isn't DEFINED by those choices. We're sexual beings even if we're paralyzed from the neck down and unable to physically express it at all. Our sexuality resides in the mind. So, I'm sure my cousin who is a quadraplegic still consider himself a sexual being.
"HOW one chooses to express that interest is individual personal choice."
That's what I was referring to. It is apparently NOT individual personal choice at all - it's COMPROMISE. Or, in this case, it's 'do what she says or else'.
Honestly, I consider anyone censoring my masturbatory habits a HUGE red flag.
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If your masturbatory habits conflict with your partner's needs, then he would have the right to raise that red flag! What if one of your tools was beatiality or using child porn? When your private time conflicts with the needs of your partner, it becomes a relationship issue, whether you like that or not.
In a relationship, one typically expects that compromise will be part of the package, IF you want to share your life with another person, that is. That's what it takes, to varying degrees, within the individual relationship. But if you want everything your own way, with no compromises, then you probably shouldn't be in a relationship.
But the only reason that the subject would come up at all is if one's partner felt neglected or upset by what the other was doing. Otherwise, private time would remain private.
Edited 6/1/2005 6:06 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
"What if one of your tools was beatiality or using child porn?"
In this case, wouldn't you leave your partner?
That's the only point I'm trying to make about porn. If you don't like it, why try to change their personal, PRIVATE choices?
"But if you want everything your own way, with no compromises, then you probably shouldn't be in a relationship. "
Not everything. Just the few things that I consider private and untouchable by ANYONE else. Self-love is one of those.
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"In this case, wouldn't you leave your partner?"
Not everyone chooses to. They may choose to try and help them overcome self destructive habits before leaving.
My point about porn is that it CAN become a negative habit if one partner feels neglected or ignored. If both partners are fine with it, then there is no problem.
I feel that there is nothing in marriage that isn't negotiable, except for monogamy. Both my DH and I feel that's non-negotiable.
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