Got caught on VCR

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Got caught on VCR
19
Tue, 11-16-2004 - 8:40pm

My husband and I went out for dinner and a movie Sat nite. When we got home we felt romantic and he went to his closet to get a VCR tape that we made of us making love. The tape was not in his closet. We checked the VCR, nothing. We searched the closet and all over.

My husband then comes in with it and said he found it in our oldest sons VCR..nooooooooo

I am so embarrassed b/c there was some really wacky stuff that we did on that tape(role playing, MB & toys. What should I do? Should we confront him?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to: nywife
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 7:03pm

>>I just think of the stuff he saw me doing and I cringe. Does he really enjoy watching his mom 69 and climax.<<

As I said before the fascination of seeing real live sex in front of him outweighed the fact that it was his parents. To him he would have been fascinated by the act and the physical side of things rather than the emotional connection and relationships to him. Because it was a situation that he had never seen or imagined his parents in, he probably wouldn't have made the direct mental connection that it WAS his parents - he knew that it was you, but part of him could quite make that connection. Kind of like knowing a movie actor's film persona is quite different from meeting them in real life. They often seem like two completely different people. It would have been more of a case of naked bodies, not naked parents in his mind.

And again as I said before, if you were dressed up it wouldn't be difficult for him to not quite perceive you as being YOU, his Mum. At least it was real live sex between two people that are in a committed relationship, not some of the stuff that you can download off the internet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
In reply to: nywife
Thu, 11-18-2004 - 2:18am

I would really like a copy of the tape for review so I could give the best possiable advice.

TX

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
In reply to: nywife
Thu, 11-18-2004 - 10:31am

Being a teenage boy i might be able to help... oh hold on that was 14 years ago.
Although the whole story seems horrifying and certainly really embarrassing, maybe now your over the worst of it it good be a good thing heralding a new era of openess betwwen everyone in your family.

I do think the "watching it loads" and its ok cos your dressed up and someone else is a little strange but i believe him - its a new and exciting thing, its the only porn he can lay his hands on, I'm sure HE'd prefer it was someone else too, but its the only porn he has.
answer: get him a porn film for xmas(maybe an educational one seeing how he's not fussy)

I remember sneaking around our house when i was that age. found dads porn mags (great) also at one stage found some polaroids of my mum, which i didnt look at for long but didnt stop in horror as soon as i realised who it was, like i would now. teenage curoiusity i guess.

Me and my girlfriend got caught the other day by her 24 yr old son. It didnt seem to be an issue, as they have one of these "parent-is-also-my-drinking buddy" type relationships

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
In reply to: nywife
Thu, 11-18-2004 - 11:16am

Thanks for your post, a mans view is helpful. We spoke about it last night and he admitted it was curiosity that made him view a few times. I just want to make sure he learned his lesson and this ends. I'm guessing it would be tough to go cold turkey.

I'm gonna set the closet up so I'll know if he goes back. He admitted he MB to the tape and does quite frequently. I just want to make sure my stuff isn't his source of arousal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
In reply to: nywife
Thu, 11-18-2004 - 1:58pm
its one heck of a situation you have there. one thing is you might want to get a safe box just for those special things. i mean if he was in the closet what else has he been into. its cool that he said he thought of you as someone else. he already had that line in his head thats not my mom n dad that someone else having fun. im not sure what to say but how about a couple of years back before my wife and i got married we were in the middle well near the end of having sex and wont you believe who ends up at the front door. thats right her parents. she looks out the window and see her dad start to walk away but her mom keeps ringing the door bell. i get up and try to find what ever i can and run to the door and open it to tell them she is sleeping and i was taken a shower. well really it look like it. i was soak and wet but i had the smell of sex was all over me so that didnt work out to good and she came out of the bedroom with the glow on her face. you talk about awkward try going over to there house later on that nite for supper. what a great feeling. she was so embarrass and i was too to a point but her parents are so kool and they just joke some and laught it off. her dad sat there and just looked at me with that goofy grin and was brain wavin over i no what you two were doing. i just started to laugh and what can you do. i mean that wasnt the first time her and i was caught. her younger sister walk in on us while i was down there and she was completly nude. oh well life goes on. you just got to look at it and make sure he knows its two married adults leting loose and have fun. hey tex thats not right man but hey its part of life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to: nywife
Thu, 11-18-2004 - 2:39pm

LOL! "Get him a porn film for Xmas"

That crossed my mind too. How about a subscription to Playboy? ;-)
Being a teenager you have limited access to porn just when you're most interested in it. I wonder what the experts would have to say about that idea?
I know that I learnt a lot about sex by raiding my Dad's stash of Penthouses from in his wardrobe... not that Penthouse was exactly an intelligent and unbiased source of information. Mind you, it was a lot more mainstream then than it is now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
In reply to: nywife
Thu, 11-18-2004 - 5:08pm

I'm so sorry you had to go through this dear. Many MANY parents do unfortunately and its always so unbearably embarrassing. I'm hoping and praying so much for you that the replies here help you turn this more toward the positive direction than the negative.

Few things I'd feel better if you kept them in mind, okay?:

1) He is a teen and would have found out there somewhere to satisfy his curiosity anyway. PLEASE don't fret too much about him being erotic because of , I believe him personally that that is NOT it. He made it clear and honest that he didn't view it because of YOU. The lady in the tape didn't look like you, in his mind, and he simply enjoyed satisfying his curiosity about sex in general...nothing more. Just my two cents on it.

2) I don't blame you for walking out from that first conversation you had with him. As unbearably uncomfortable this situation TRULY truly is, I want you, as a true mother, to remember what typically happens when other embarrassed parents out there cut short the communication with their own children when it comes to discussing sexual issues. In my personal opinion, you still have opportunity to cement a positive view of sex for your son. I stress again, and PLEASE remember that this is only an idea/choice for you to at least 'consider' and nothing more, I stress again and again that you somehow convince this young man that your attitude is more of disappointment with his snooping than it is shame of what he found.

He is a teen, so he may 'misinterpret' your embarrassment as shame instead. I believe that he needs to be convinced that you have NO shame in being wife and husband and I'd even go so far as to remind him that husbands and wives enjoy each other in private and unique ways, just like he (your son) will with his own wife. Notice how I mention words like "husband, wife" and suggest marriage without bringing up the words "sex, girlfriend" so much. See the impactive difference?

Anyway, I really hope you're benefiting from these great people here. By all means, please keep us posted, okay? You just never never know who may be reading this and receiving so much helpful advice themselves, right?

:)
:)

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2004
In reply to: nywife
Thu, 11-18-2004 - 5:50pm
It was outreageously disrespectful of him. Not only because he snooped into your private, BUT because he watched the video over and over again with no regard for how you or your husband may feel. He did watch you husband too, didn't he? How many parents and children alike if accidentally caught each other in the act would be embarrassed out of respect? Although I wouldn't have been as upset if he took the video and watched a few seconds of it, I would be mortified knowing that he watched me and my husband having sex. I don't find his behavior normal, and I don't it would traumatize him too much to know that I wasn't happy about it. He should feel ashamed. We can't all just do whatever we want to do in the name of sex. Best he learn how to control himself. I find this no different than him watching me through my door having sex with my husband. It's not OK, just because he's horny.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
In reply to: nywife
Thu, 11-18-2004 - 6:24pm

I think it's *very* normal for a teenage boy to be interested in sex. Please, please PLEASE, don't make him feel abnormal or ashamed of what is a very normal and healthy interest in a boy his age! That can do some pretty bad things as we grow up.

I agree with with Westie, he probably wasn't connecting the images he saw with good ol' Mom and Dad. Telling him you're embarrassed because he caught something that is really very private is fine. I can understand not wanting your kids to see you naked and doing the wild thing. But look at it this way - he saw a married couple engaging in loving and passionate sex. That's not a bad image for a young man to carry around in his head, that even married sex can be hot and wild.

But don't tell him it's not normal and don't shame him. I don't think there's a kid around that would stop watching it if they found it. And to be aroused by erotic images is very normal.

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