Got caught on VCR
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Got caught on VCR
| Tue, 11-16-2004 - 8:40pm |
My husband and I went out for dinner and a movie Sat nite. When we got home we felt romantic and he went to his closet to get a VCR tape that we made of us making love. The tape was not in his closet. We checked the VCR, nothing. We searched the closet and all over.
My husband then comes in with it and said he found it in our oldest sons VCR..nooooooooo
I am so embarrassed b/c there was some really wacky stuff that we did on that tape(role playing, MB & toys. What should I do? Should we confront him?

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>>I just think of the stuff he saw me doing and I cringe. Does he really enjoy watching his mom 69 and climax.<<
As I said before the fascination of seeing real live sex in front of him outweighed the fact that it was his parents. To him he would have been fascinated by the act and the physical side of things rather than the emotional connection and relationships to him. Because it was a situation that he had never seen or imagined his parents in, he probably wouldn't have made the direct mental connection that it WAS his parents - he knew that it was you, but part of him could quite make that connection. Kind of like knowing a movie actor's film persona is quite different from meeting them in real life. They often seem like two completely different people. It would have been more of a case of naked bodies, not naked parents in his mind.
And again as I said before, if you were dressed up it wouldn't be difficult for him to not quite perceive you as being YOU, his Mum. At least it was real live sex between two people that are in a committed relationship, not some of the stuff that you can download off the internet.
I would really like a copy of the tape for review so I could give the best possiable advice.
TX
Being a teenage boy i might be able to help... oh hold on that was 14 years ago.
Although the whole story seems horrifying and certainly really embarrassing, maybe now your over the worst of it it good be a good thing heralding a new era of openess betwwen everyone in your family.
I do think the "watching it loads" and its ok cos your dressed up and someone else is a little strange but i believe him - its a new and exciting thing, its the only porn he can lay his hands on, I'm sure HE'd prefer it was someone else too, but its the only porn he has.
answer: get him a porn film for xmas(maybe an educational one seeing how he's not fussy)
I remember sneaking around our house when i was that age. found dads porn mags (great) also at one stage found some polaroids of my mum, which i didnt look at for long but didnt stop in horror as soon as i realised who it was, like i would now. teenage curoiusity i guess.
Me and my girlfriend got caught the other day by her 24 yr old son. It didnt seem to be an issue, as they have one of these "parent-is-also-my-drinking buddy" type relationships
Thanks for your post, a mans view is helpful. We spoke about it last night and he admitted it was curiosity that made him view a few times. I just want to make sure he learned his lesson and this ends. I'm guessing it would be tough to go cold turkey.
I'm gonna set the closet up so I'll know if he goes back. He admitted he MB to the tape and does quite frequently. I just want to make sure my stuff isn't his source of arousal.
LOL! "Get him a porn film for Xmas"
That crossed my mind too. How about a subscription to Playboy? ;-)
Being a teenager you have limited access to porn just when you're most interested in it. I wonder what the experts would have to say about that idea?
I know that I learnt a lot about sex by raiding my Dad's stash of Penthouses from in his wardrobe... not that Penthouse was exactly an intelligent and unbiased source of information. Mind you, it was a lot more mainstream then than it is now.
I'm so sorry you had to go through this dear. Many MANY parents do unfortunately and its always so unbearably embarrassing. I'm hoping and praying so much for you that the replies here help you turn this more toward the positive direction than the negative.
Few things I'd feel better if you kept them in mind, okay?:
1) He is a teen and would have found out there somewhere to satisfy his curiosity anyway. PLEASE don't fret too much about him being erotic because of , I believe him personally that that is NOT it. He made it clear and honest that he didn't view it because of YOU. The lady in the tape didn't look like you, in his mind, and he simply enjoyed satisfying his curiosity about sex in general...nothing more. Just my two cents on it.
2) I don't blame you for walking out from that first conversation you had with him. As unbearably uncomfortable this situation TRULY truly is, I want you, as a true mother, to remember what typically happens when other embarrassed parents out there cut short the communication with their own children when it comes to discussing sexual issues. In my personal opinion, you still have opportunity to cement a positive view of sex for your son. I stress again, and PLEASE remember that this is only an idea/choice for you to at least 'consider' and nothing more, I stress again and again that you somehow convince this young man that your attitude is more of disappointment with his snooping than it is shame of what he found.
He is a teen, so he may 'misinterpret' your embarrassment as shame instead. I believe that he needs to be convinced that you have NO shame in being wife and husband and I'd even go so far as to remind him that husbands and wives enjoy each other in private and unique ways, just like he (your son) will with his own wife. Notice how I mention words like "husband, wife" and suggest marriage without bringing up the words "sex, girlfriend" so much. See the impactive difference?
Anyway, I really hope you're benefiting from these great people here. By all means, please keep us posted, okay? You just never never know who may be reading this and receiving so much helpful advice themselves, right?
:)
:)
C h a r a c t e r
above all else
Mr. Para
C H A R A C T E R
I think it's *very* normal for a teenage boy to be interested in sex. Please, please PLEASE, don't make him feel abnormal or ashamed of what is a very normal and healthy interest in a boy his age! That can do some pretty bad things as we grow up.
I agree with with Westie, he probably wasn't connecting the images he saw with good ol' Mom and Dad. Telling him you're embarrassed because he caught something that is really very private is fine. I can understand not wanting your kids to see you naked and doing the wild thing. But look at it this way - he saw a married couple engaging in loving and passionate sex. That's not a bad image for a young man to carry around in his head, that even married sex can be hot and wild.
But don't tell him it's not normal and don't shame him. I don't think there's a kid around that would stop watching it if they found it. And to be aroused by erotic images is very normal.
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