Great guy, but the sex is horrible!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2003
Great guy, but the sex is horrible!
15
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 2:03pm

I have been in a relationship for a while now and the man is WONDERFUL!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2004
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 7:57am
Read your last sentence (not the one edited). I am 37 by-the-way, if your man is this way at this age, I doubt he will change. However having said that, seeing how you feel about him in other ways, I would give it a try to see if he is open and willing to change, maybe this is all he knows. I would talk to him, when you both are feeling good and by all means don't sound like you are being critical. I would say to him "let's do it this way", or "I would love it if you would". I would be suggestive. Tell how much it would turn you on if he would ______. You fill in the blank. If he doesn't get the hint and try, or if he doesn't open a dialogue and seem receptive to accomodating your needs I would definitely dump him. Fast. Don't let yourself get in deeper with someone who is too selfish to want to make you happy and please you in every way. Life is too short and I would rather stay single than be married and miserable.

Sex is a huge part in the relationship especially if there's a problem..

Good luck and remember, there are plenty of good ones still out there ;-)

~Love

Love
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2004
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 1:10pm
i would have to agree with much of westridge's post. There definitely could be something deeper. you said he always wants oral (suggesting selfishness) and doesn't seem to care about your pleasure or what you want, though I'm not sure what extent you have voiced these opinions. also, it sounds like he has erection issues, perhaps he has a mental block from a past experience and it is affecting what he thinks about sex. maybe he thinks this is the way sex should be, or maybe he WANTS to be selfish. maybe he doesn't know any better. However, this could be a mental/emotional issue and not just selfishness.

I would suggest sitting down (not during sex!) and discussing your points. perhaps you can write a letter to him and read it to him aloud of what you are feeling, or make an outline of what you want to say to him (written down so you dont' forget or get embarassed). Perhaps the two of you should see a therapist together, or just him alone if it is his issue.

Like others said though, this is unacceptable. Sex is not the whole of the relationship but it is an important part. It also reflects other aspects of hte relationship, so it's possible you didn't tell us everything and maybe he's selfish in the rest of your relationship also but you can't see it. If he continues to be selfish, get far far away!

Sandra

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2003
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 1:56pm

Thanks everyone!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 2:20pm
Glad some of the ideas were useful for you. Don't be a stranger, let us know how it goes and good luck! ;)

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 3:59pm
He is selfish, maybe his previous relationships allowed him to become this way, speak up, loudly, stop just giving in, the next time he pokes you with a woody, look at him and ask him what IS HE GOING TO DO FOR YOU, say those words and shut up and wait and see what his response is.

If you sit daown and communicate your feelings and there is not some sort of immediate change, I would say you have a serious problem, but if he has half a brain and any feelings for you he'll understand and should change.

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