Guy insisting on having a higher libido

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2007
Guy insisting on having a higher libido
11
Thu, 05-08-2008 - 9:35pm

Ok a bit of background on me and my situation. First off I'm a 21 year old virgin with a middle to low libido. I can find some sexy images erotic and does help with masturbation, but erotica works even better. I've currently been chatting up this 20 year old guy(virgin as well)

 

Cursed_Romantic

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
Thu, 05-08-2008 - 9:55pm
If he is not as interested in sex, and your relationship is built on cybering, maybe what he is really trying to say is that he isnt interested in
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2008
Thu, 05-08-2008 - 10:00pm

You have done what you can to show him that how he feels is normal, at least it sounds that way to me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Thu, 05-08-2008 - 10:00pm

Welcome to the board, cursed_romantic.

I think it all depends on how close you feel to this person as a "friend". If your main reason to have the on-line communication with him was for sexual reasons, then you might want to move on.

You might also want to check out some boards where others are familiar with your type of situation. Here are a couple that might be suitable:

On Line Dating
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlcyber

Like a Virgin
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlchaste


















iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2007
Thu, 05-08-2008 - 10:44pm

Actually we have known each other for a few years now, and when we first met he was having some issues with friends and family at the time. So we just talked normally and no cyber was brought up right away at all. Not to focus things too much on myself, but in a way I know that my own desire for cyber has waned alot lately, due to my school work and stuff. So maybe he is picking up on that too. Not really sure. I personally would like to venture out on the dating scene a bit more myself, however I have a rather closed minded set of parents I'm still living with for now (to save on room and board costs, I definitely can't afford). And as its a small town the pickings are very slim here. I know too that I have no real obligation to him, he has said I have my freedom more than ever because of the distance between us here. But at the same time I feel kind of boxed in and limited. I mean a good portion of my friends have found someone to marry or moved away after high school, and as I do college online to get my degree quicker, I seem to just come into contact with folks with already full lives and what not. So maybe in general, he is just picking up on my disatisfaction of where things are going right now with my life.


Possibly he is tired of his own dissatisfaction as well, because he would like to move his mom and grandmother to a better place out in the country where he is. But his mom seems to want to cling to their small apartment and it gets on his nerves a bit. As well as he has a bit of social anxiety too with others, save for myself and his family. So that could be it as well.

Cursed_Romantic

 

Cursed_Romantic

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2007
Thu, 05-08-2008 - 10:48pm
Thanks. I think it could be something going on with him physically too. I know he told me of having a bit of a back issue because a long time ago he was helping his brother move some stuff into the brother's apartment and he said strained or twisted his back pretty bad as well. I think the depression too comes from the social anxiety. He is kind of prone to being paranoid at times when he is out in public too long and rather typically he does not believe doctors are any good, though he got a physical today so he can start a work program, so maybe they will help him through some things, I hope.

Cursed_Romantic

 

Cursed_Romantic

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2007
Thu, 05-08-2008 - 10:56pm

Thanks, I have been over to the like a virgin board before. I haven't tried the online dating one because I thought it was for actual dating sites and stuff, lol. But I will have to check that out. But no as I told the other poster our initial friendship didn't spring up from sexual chat at all. He was dealing with some issues with his friends and family at the time and he was depressed enough about things then to even consider commiting suicide, again I talked him out of that, and that formed a deeper friendship for us. But I just think now, that we are both dissatisfied with our lives, and on a personal note I'm kind of tired of coming to his "rescue" so speak. I mean I do feel for him having depression and possible social anxiety (not confirmed/diagnoised, but from how he speaks of how he feels in public it is leaning towards that way), but between my own issues with my family and school, its like I can't be his stepping stone of motivation, encouragement and things like that. I do it when I can and as decently as I can as a good friend. But sometimes I feel he doesn't even try to motivate himself pass what he is comfortable with and just likes to sit and complain. I guess its contradictory because I do some of the same at times but still, just kind of tough to take on this for myself and him too.


Anywho, I stop right there before I type your ear off. Thanks again for the links and I'll check them out right now actually. Have a good evening, :). Thanks for the welcome too.

Cursed_Romantic

 

Cursed_Romantic

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Fri, 05-09-2008 - 7:17am

If he's depressed, he'll have a difficult time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. It may not be that he's content to sit around and be unhappy or complain, but that he doesn't realize he's depressed and needs help. Social anxiety and depression share some of the same sypmtoms.

Has he seen a doctor about this? If he is suffering from either, medication and counseling can be very helpful to him.


















iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2007
Fri, 05-09-2008 - 6:34pm
He's not a big fan of doctors. I have tried talking to him about going to see someone in his area about for quite some time, but its like talking to a brick wall at times. I know he doesn't trust them so much because when his dad had some serious heart problems and he was in the hospital, he died there and the doctors did what they could. But he refuses to believe they did at all. So that could have something to do with it too.

Cursed_Romantic

 

Cursed_Romantic

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Sat, 05-10-2008 - 11:37am

You know, reading your OP and the replies, I keep thinking that you are avoiding real life by worrying about a virtual stranger halfway across the world.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2007
Sat, 05-10-2008 - 9:09pm

I am fully aware of what you are saying and have been told that many times. But honestly, my area is being hit rather hard recession wise. Jobs have downsized here greatly. I mean anytime someone is hired they are soon to be laid off in like the 100's. I'm going to school online now because where I did want to go to school was farther away from my parents, and they weren't having that period, since my mom felt that if she couldn't "get to me" if something happened she would freak herself out so much as to put herself in the hospital. Also, college tution is rather high here as well, so paying for that and room and board and books just don't fit the ticket. Even with a job, I tend to freak out if over stressed with too many things. Has happened a few times before, so I know doing a job and school is not my ticket like that, I'm more of a one task at a time type of person.


I do volunteer from time to time with the local United Way, but really I'm just shooting for getting my bachelor's, getting my driver's license( yes I'm late on getting that too, but I tense up too badly in my leg when other drivers are going way too fast on the road.) And after school I plan to move with what savings I have and get a decent job some place else when I'm 23. So yea I know I need a life and what not. But really I have to take things a day at a time here for myself. I mean I have tried to rush things before and it all went to sh*t rather quickly for me.


And for now its just ideal chat with anyone on the net. I know its not a serious thing with this person, fully aware of that. But as we are in a somewhat similar situation we talk about daily, share stories and he is a good online friend at times. So up until my situation changes around here, I will be living my life more and not on the net as much. But until then this is where I be for now.


 

Cursed_Romantic

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