guys: can THIS make your erection ..

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2004
guys: can THIS make your erection ..
16
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 9:06pm

disappear? You need to read this, otherwise the end of my question won't make sense. Sorry and thanks!

I have this guy friend who I met at work. Only one month after working together, we both coiincidentley went to an office mixer and I asked him to dance. We ended up dirty dancing in front of everyone (on a Friday). A while after, we bumped into each other out in the hall by the bathrooms where it was quiet. He asked me to go home with him, but because I was so drunk, I said "No, I want a relationship." I had a crush on him long before all this, and people always say the truth comes out when you are drunk. I just think the quiet atmosphere made me want to make a serious conversation out of it. Nothing happened, however he asked for my number. By the next day I completely forgot I said that and that he asked for the one night stand.

All I remembered was "OMG! He asked for my number!" Like I said, I really had a crush on him. The following Monday he asked me to have a drink for happy hour and then waited till I was buzzed to kiss me in the bar. We continued to flirt since then.

That was long over a year ago and we are friends now. I actually quit our job but we continued to flirt and keep in touch. He was engaged 3 years ago, but told me he still sees his ex-fiance. They broke up over a year ago but remain friends (she has a boyfriend). My guy friend and I even talk about dates we go on, etc. and both disclosed to each other that we had casual flings with friends. My lover/friend was "Joe" (referenced later).

So, we were in my apt. and things got steamy; he started to undress me. I knew we were going to have sex because 20 minutes earlier I actually made a move on him or seduced him. He backed away but I mentioned a casual fling and reminded him of the joking and the dirty dance we had. Nonetheless, a half hour later I said something about his jeans and he gave me this look and started to kiss and undress me. This was going to be our FIRST time having sex after joking about it for so long.

So he was kissing me but stopped to throw out his gum and mine too. I started undressing myself while he walked to and from the garbage. So he siad something like "What are you doing? I like to go slow." I said something like: "Joe" never took his time nor did he undress me," or something to that effect. Whatever I said, I mentioned another guy's name. Oops.

So right then and there he was a little mad and said "I can't keep it up anymore"

Okay, so it's obvious this guy does NOT like me in the dating way. He told me he had met a girl a few weeks ago but it didn't work out. Don't forget he still talks to and sees his ex-fiance. I see NO reason for him to be mad that I mentioned my ex-lover's name.

So my question is: Can hearing another guy's name during foreplay/sex really make you lose your erection? I mean, I can TOTALLY understand if the guy and girl or dating, but my friend and I are not.

Can a guy please explain? Thanks SO much.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 9:12pm

Do you really need other people to tell you the answer? It's pretty obvious.

Yes! This guy likes you. You mentioned another guy that you had meaningless sex with. Hell, if it had even been your ex from a serious relationship that might not have been as bad. But you blurted out the name and the sexual technique that your last sex-only encounter used.

Its complicated but I think that you are kidding yourself if you think that this guy should be expected to get over it because he isn't dating you. I think that he probably has strong feelings for you even if the two of you aren't dating.

Try reversing the situation and see how you would feel if you were acting all sexy and coming on to the guy and he blurts out how his last prostitute used to do what you are trying to do. How would you feel?

Edited 4/19/2006 9:14 pm ET by westridge2001




Edited 4/19/2006 9:14 pm ET by westridge2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2004
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 9:18pm

thank you for the reply, but I don't know, I mean, why would he tell me about his fling in the first place?

did you forget he still talks to his ex-FIANCE!!!!

omg.....

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 11:05pm

I think it boils down to TIME & PLACE! Just bad timing there. The time to talk about other experiences with past lovers isn't during a tryst with a new partner.

But why are you now willing to have a fling with this guy when you said you wanted a relationship?




Edited 4/20/2006 9:26 am ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Thu, 04-20-2006 - 8:25am
No, it wouldnt faze me, he must have a vivid imagination, or some wierd hangup
Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Thu, 04-20-2006 - 10:13am

"did you forget he still talks to his ex-FIANCE!!!!"

But does he talk about what they used to do in bed together RIGHT before he's about to have sex with you? I think not.

"thank you for the reply, but I don't know, I mean, why would he tell me about his fling in the first place?"

Again, he didn't tell you about his fling right as you two were getting it on.

Whether he's emotionally involved or not... the last thing anyone wants to hear about while getting it on with someone is what their past lovers did in bed with them! Talk about a mood killer!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Thu, 04-20-2006 - 5:31pm
one persons mood killer is an others turn-on..lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Thu, 04-20-2006 - 5:36pm

Yep, I agree. It's one thing to talk to your ex-fiancee, it's another thing for you to tell him about your fling - but it's like a bucket of ice cold water to be hear that the "fling" did something "this way" right before you are about to get it on.

It's not wierd or strange. Here you are aroused, feeling sexy and with a girl that you think is alright and you are about to show her how sexy you are and have a good time. Next thing you know your sexual prowess is being compared to an ex. From that comment, you know that she's not thinking about you, she's damned well thinking about the other guy and even worse she *prefers* what he did and how he did it. Even if you carry on and have sex now, you just KNOW that she's going to be lying there critiquing your technique and taking notes as she compares what you are like in bed to the other guy. I don't think loosing an erection and getting turned off under those circumstances is weird at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Thu, 04-20-2006 - 6:09pm

I agree with Westie on this, talking about past relationships, past flings, ex's, etc.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2004
Thu, 04-20-2006 - 8:06pm

Thanks everyone. It makes sense the way you all explained it. I didn't want to write a book in my post so I skipped over a part. I said what I did to him so I can prove my point that I was trying to make in our discussion a half hour before he kissed me. I was trying to prove that my one and only boyfriend never loved me. Our relationship lasted only 3 months. That's the only BF I ever had and he was a jerk. I was 25 when I lost my virginity to him. I'm 30 now.

Some way or another I thought the guys I dated really liked me, and believe me, I was not easy at all. After the same thing happening a few times, I made sure not to sleep with them. The most dates I had with the same guy WITHOUT having sex was 4. They always bought me dinner and talked on the phone for a long time every few nights. But whatever. Maybe they thought I was crazy because I like Bon Jovi. Who knows. I mean, I met a few guys on a dating website and my AOL chat name had a Bon Jovi reference in it. My ex-friend w/ benefits/lover was in a rock band and liked Bon Jovi. LOL

So that night in my apt., we were talking about meeting people and I said "Well I never had sex with anyone who loved me" and told him the latter. So when I undressed myself and he asked what I was doing, my tone of voice was sarcastic and I said something like "See? I told you. I never had sex with anyone who loved me. "Joe" never undressed me"

And I started crying in front of my guy friend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2004
Thu, 04-20-2006 - 8:16pm

hold on, this didn't sound right: "...After the same thing happening a few times, I made sure not to sleep with them...."

I never slept with any of them nor did any oral. Never. I'm shy and that's partially why I tried online dating. I even knew my friend with benefits a while before it started. Please, I am not easy. Thanks.

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