guys: can THIS make your erection ..

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2004
guys: can THIS make your erection ..
16
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 9:06pm

disappear? You need to read this, otherwise the end of my question won't make sense. Sorry and thanks!

I have this guy friend who I met at work. Only one month after working together, we both coiincidentley went to an office mixer and I asked him to dance. We ended up dirty dancing in front of everyone (on a Friday). A while after, we bumped into each other out in the hall by the bathrooms where it was quiet. He asked me to go home with him, but because I was so drunk, I said "No, I want a relationship." I had a crush on him long before all this, and people always say the truth comes out when you are drunk. I just think the quiet atmosphere made me want to make a serious conversation out of it. Nothing happened, however he asked for my number. By the next day I completely forgot I said that and that he asked for the one night stand.

All I remembered was "OMG! He asked for my number!" Like I said, I really had a crush on him. The following Monday he asked me to have a drink for happy hour and then waited till I was buzzed to kiss me in the bar. We continued to flirt since then.

That was long over a year ago and we are friends now. I actually quit our job but we continued to flirt and keep in touch. He was engaged 3 years ago, but told me he still sees his ex-fiance. They broke up over a year ago but remain friends (she has a boyfriend). My guy friend and I even talk about dates we go on, etc. and both disclosed to each other that we had casual flings with friends. My lover/friend was "Joe" (referenced later).

So, we were in my apt. and things got steamy; he started to undress me. I knew we were going to have sex because 20 minutes earlier I actually made a move on him or seduced him. He backed away but I mentioned a casual fling and reminded him of the joking and the dirty dance we had. Nonetheless, a half hour later I said something about his jeans and he gave me this look and started to kiss and undress me. This was going to be our FIRST time having sex after joking about it for so long.

So he was kissing me but stopped to throw out his gum and mine too. I started undressing myself while he walked to and from the garbage. So he siad something like "What are you doing? I like to go slow." I said something like: "Joe" never took his time nor did he undress me," or something to that effect. Whatever I said, I mentioned another guy's name. Oops.

So right then and there he was a little mad and said "I can't keep it up anymore"

Okay, so it's obvious this guy does NOT like me in the dating way. He told me he had met a girl a few weeks ago but it didn't work out. Don't forget he still talks to and sees his ex-fiance. I see NO reason for him to be mad that I mentioned my ex-lover's name.

So my question is: Can hearing another guy's name during foreplay/sex really make you lose your erection? I mean, I can TOTALLY understand if the guy and girl or dating, but my friend and I are not.

Can a guy please explain? Thanks SO much.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Thu, 04-20-2006 - 11:48pm

It actually sounds a bit more complicated than we first thought. It's one thing to throw in a reference to a past lover and something that they did (or didn't do) when starting to make love. It's another thing to say it and to start crying.

I'm still a bit confused about the sequence of events and the exact timing but it sounds like your b/f wasn't just worried about being compared to "Joe". That was probably the least of his problems when you started crying. It was your emotional state that got to him. Having a girl break down in tears in front of you is certainly going to change the priorities for the evening. Sex isn't going to be happening so your body goes out of "having sex" mode to (hopefully) "comforting g/f" mode.

I hope that the two of you sorted this and out and he reacted appropriately by being understanding and caring.

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 7:02am
Well I understand your reasoning for saying what you did now but I can still see why he lost his erection. Were you really in the mood for sex once you started crying? Because I wouldn't be. So I'm sure he was no longer expecting you to sleep with him at that moment.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2004
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 7:10am

thanks,

I'm really bad with words and telling stories. I guess that goes with being shy sometimes. I was upset last night as I was typing my reply. But to set it straight, I started crying AFTER he said that. In fact I apologized then started crying.

I may not have much sexual experience but I know enough that no guy could ever maintain an erection or have sex with a woman who is crying.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2004
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 7:18am
forgot one thing - he was VERY understanding. He is the sweetest and a Pisces too. I think that sign is known to be the most friendly of all the astrological signs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 7:36pm
There is only one thing that can make my man's erection disappear once it happens -- when he cums. Seriously, I think if I mentioned a previous partner in passing it would go in one ear and out the other. He could honestly care less. His response would be, "suck my c*** Phil" and I guess I would and we would soon forget about it. I have never had a lover who is so totally in the moment.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2006
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 10:50pm
well hmmm depending on how he is secure with his natural instict it could if he gets upset and thinks you are trying to compare his to your others and yup, i'd sure be a bit upset, but then i'd calm down, and maybe give her double pleasure to really prove i am not going to shrink from a comparison...

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