GUYS: sex without feelings
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GUYS: sex without feelings
| Mon, 02-06-2006 - 5:23pm |
guys, would you have sex without having feelings for the person?
virgins, would you have sex just for the sake for it with just anyone for the first time? isn't the first time important and special for guys too?

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SO disagree with your statement that men and women are the same when it comes to sex and that it is basically outside influences that make them different. Of course women can enjoy meaningless sex but the majority don't choose it as a way of life while many men do. You also ignore the fact that differing hormones are running the show in the sexes which make a big difference in how sex is perceived.
And have YOU ever been a prostitute? IF not, then how do you know I'm wrong? I don't think EVERY woman does anything for the same reason, but generally, a woman who enjoys sex, usually enjoys safe sex with someone they trust and feel comfortable with, not a complete stranger who is only there to get his rocks off! Not a great recipe for reciprocal and mutually satisfying lovemaking, IMO.
But my statement in my initial response above speaks for my supposed "generalizations"..."from everything I have seen, read and heard about prostitutes...." Common sense also applies.
Sorry, but I've never heard of an emotionally stable prostitute. Maybe they exist, maybe they don't but I seriously doubt it. And what'smore, I don't see too many "manwhores" running around servicing women, so I can deduce from that the same demand is not there for the number to increase anytime soon.
Edited 2/7/2006 6:46 pm ET by katmandoo2001
My dh is a guy (obviously, lol) and he can't/won't have sex without an emotional connection.
I don't think he's that rare.
Right right - you definitely could be right - I never said you weren't, instead I questioned your certainty. In actuality I just feel that one should not say something is 100% a fact if one does not know. I felt your comments about prostitutes and their intentions were although not groundless, certainly not 100% right. You could be right. You could be wrong. I would say it is a mixture of the two. Some are unstable, some are probably more stable and just see it as a way of making a living - just a job to be done. Remember I never said you were wrong, just that you weren't necessarily 100% right.
Also, of course there are certain biological differences in men and women. Yes, yes. Still, what I said trumps what you said. Basically, according to my view, one cannot even begin to evaluate the truly innate sexual qualities of males and females since from the moment of birth every person is subject to societal influence. I find it difficult and frankly a bit stupid for anyone to think they can say for certain that a certain characteristic of a human being is innate, for from the beginning of time we have always had culture and society influencing humans and their actions. One could argue about the philosophical "state of nature" - pre government and order to say for example advocate that humans are inherently violent and that is why government came into existence, but still it is merely philosophical with no "pratical" application or empirical evidence to back it up since, again innateness cannot be measured.
Thus, I find it is only logical to conclude that even if 99.9% of women want sex only with love - that does not mean this is the innate feeling of the female gender. We will never know whether it is or not. After Kinsey's sexual revolution things changed drastically and continue to change every day. What are the utmost "true" feelings of women on sex? I have no idea - and neither do you. I have no idea if my views about sex are innate or whether my experiences in life, whether they are actual experiences with others or just witnessing gender inequality and etc, or anything else have influenced them. I think one must just realize that society affects everything we do from the day we are born - the very day we are born and thus one cannot come to a solid conclusion about males or females because there is no way to measure innate characteristics and attributes, etc.
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That's exactly how I wanted it. Couldn't explain it then and I still cant' but I never wanted my 'true love' to be my first.
Really now, is it not possible to have friendly debate without making personal comments characterizing my opinion so rudely? I think it is but maybe you don't. I don't think your comments are "a bit stupid" even though I completely disagree with many of them. I think personal attacks are completely unnecessary and incidently, against board policy.
The funny thing is that I've said everything that you have, about 30 yrs ago. And I believed it as well.
And, I don't believe I said anywhere on any response that I was "100% right." I merely gave MY personal opinion, which is what we do on this board.
My comments are based on many years & many experiences. I know as a daughter, sister to 2 brothers, wife and mother to 2 sons that many of the differences between the sexes are innate. HOW they manifest themselves is certainly impacted by culture, society and our environment, but many of these differences occur BEFORE birth. When that hormone begins coursing through that tiny body in the womb, it changes the way the body develops AND the brain.
Yes, of course, society affects us all to a greater or lesser degree, but men and women are different in the way they perceive the world from the very beginning.
And the mere fact that the thalamus is larger in the female (and homosexual) brain is good physical proof of that. If one's brain is different in the way it functions and processes information, etc., than one's perception of the world will also be impacted. It can't NOT be. No, I think men and women are different because we're supposed to be.
But I believe we can agree to disagree on this subject respectfully. At least, I would certainly hope so.
Edited 2/8/2006 1:55 am ET by katmandoo2001
I know my guy doesn't separate sex from his emotions. He was never go out and get it at the bar type of guy.
Rubyshoes
Edited 2/8/2006 1:23 am ET by rubyshoes03
I was told repeatedly growing up that my first experience should be with someone you care deeply about and who cares about you, because there's no worse feeling than being used for sex, especially the first time. There were times and situations that I would have probably have liked to have sex(when I was still a virgin), and no, I wasn't in love, just horny. But those "words" stopped me. I was with my first boyfriend for almost two years before I had sex with him, because of what I was told(and even then I went against the 18 year old mark....but I thought I was going to marry him.) In fact, there were many times in between boyfriends that I would have had sex without feelings, but again, I didn't because I would be considered a "slut" by societal standards. My DH on the other hand, said that he turned down many offers because he was more of a relationship type of guy. So personally, I think a lot of it is cultural. Women are discouraged and men are encouraged.
I definitely do think though, that there is a difference in the sexes with respect to prostitution. I don't think that many women would use male prostitutes(even if they needed to), not because they require feelings, but because they require mutual desire. There's a difference between having sex with someone, and making someone have sex with you. We're nurturers as well; and I think that most of us would "feel sorry" and feel that as long as there's a chance that this person is doing this out of dysfunction and desperation, that we'd be taking advantage of them--or exploiting them. Well that's my take on it, anyhow.
*sigh*
I'm still a virgin. My virginity is valuable to me. I wouldn't have sex without having feelings for the person. And despite kat's declaration that we're rare, guys like me ARE NOT rare. I'll accept outnumbered, but absolutely not rare. We are invisible. We simply go unnoticed.
Kat says: "Most young guys in particular, are driven by sexual desire, not a desire for romantic love and therefore, will have sex at any and every given opportunity." -- That's presumptuous and prejudiced on so many levels it disturbs me. I congratulate your SO for putting up with your attitude toward men. In that, he is a rarity.
Both men and women are "driven" by both desires simultaneously. Young men have their innocence trained out of them by culture, and are taught to express themselves exclusively through anger, humor, and sex. It has nothing to do with natural desires.
I think many women who have had bad relationship breakups, sometimes go a little wild for a spell just to boost their self esteam, plus they are probably not ready to jump into another relationship.
I agree with a couple of the other guys.. Not all men are "hunters". Most of those guys who tend to have lots of sexual partners are on some type of ego trip, as young men often are. Older men can fall into the same issue also.
Sorry I dont buy that men are preprogrammed to have tons of sexual partners.. Im thinking it is more of a personality flaw.. We are not just a body full of hormones, we are a mind with a body that we can easily control if we learn to control our thoughts.
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