GUYS: sex without feelings
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GUYS: sex without feelings
| Mon, 02-06-2006 - 5:23pm |
guys, would you have sex without having feelings for the person?
virgins, would you have sex just for the sake for it with just anyone for the first time? isn't the first time important and special for guys too?

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Yay humpdaddy and testsubjectxp! I agree! I attribute most of these differences to culture, as well. I also find the thought that most young guys would have sex at any opportunity "presumptuous and prejudiced" - and illogical I suppose. I think both sexes even if men and women don't necessarily require that they are IN LOVE with every person they sleep with, I think both men and women need to feel some sort of attraction/affection for the person. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule - both male and female, but I don't think it is a characteristic exclusive to one gender. Also, times have changed tremendously in just the past few decades - yet still many double standards exist. One poster said "men are encouraged and women are discouraged" and this still holds true I think. I think we will see in decades down the road that the amount of women having casual sex is completely equal to the amount of men (if it isn't already). I know I have had sex without being in love with the person or caring very deeply for them, but there has always been some sort of attraction (both physically and personality-wise - because people with horrible/mean/arrogant personalities disgust me) - and I would say it is that way for many people. It isn't that a person will just have sex with whatever comes along - although some do like to do that (to each his/her own) - I think most people need some sort of connection even if it is minimal. Having sex when you're not really turned on or into the person doesn't compare to having sex when some sort of connection does exist.
And yes, just again - the concept of "natural desire" is so nebulous - really whether anything is natural is impossible to assess (besides survival needs etc). - because one is always influenced by others and society from the day one is born! Culture, culture, culture and conformity to societal norms. That is what it is all about. (unfortunately)
Yes, outnumbered could mean rare, couldn't it? LOL!
I know that men who desire more than physical pleasure exist because I married one! I simply stated what most men acknowledge themselves. Young men in particular and in general, want sex foremost but of course, every person wants to be loved, respected, etc. but I would hope that we all already know that.
And thanks for your concern about my DH. He IS a rare man and we both know it!
Well, hump, like another presumptuous poster on this particular thread, you've taken my comments and run amok with them.
I never said that ALL men are hunters driven to have as many partners as possible. And I certainly never said that men cannot control themselves. Men, like women, can have as much self control as they choose to have.
But let's face it, young men aren't talking about falling in love, no, they're talking about getting laid. Would they like both? OF course. Who wouldn't? But until then, getting laid will do for many of them, as my DH himself will attest. He was the only virgin in his group of friends, when he was growing up. He definitely felt different than the other guys.
I made my statements based on my what men themselves have told me, my own personal experiences and observations. Including statements from my own DH, father and brothers.
Edited 2/21/2006 5:22 pm ET by katmandoo2001
You said you based you opinions on what men have told you..what exactly have they said?...that they just go blank and sniff out the first female they can find and blindly try and have sex with them??.. Ofcourse not... It is a decision made by these young men based on what their buddies talk about, and they think it is expected of them.
Beside if all these young men ARE having a ton of sex, guess what, they are having sex with young women ,arent they? I know I did, and it was for the reasons I talked about above.. Immaturity, and peer pressure... And I`d bet its the same for 95% of the guys who appear to be almost out of control.
I don't think men are out of control though. They're just doing what's natural for them.
Men and women are different and those differences are there not simply because of societal influence but also because of the innate differences we're born with and supposed to have. Believe me, I used to believe that men and women were basically the same, but no more. After living with men my whole life and giving birth to males, I know better. Society is definitely not wholly responsible for all our differences. No way.
And while bragging rights go hand in hand with this type of behavior, that's not ALL it's about.
Edited 2/21/2006 5:35 pm ET by katmandoo2001
Excuse me? When did I ever say men desire "emotionless sex?" I never have. I said that generally, a single man will have sex if it's offered to him by someone attractive enough. I never said it was emotionless sex though. Those are your words.
And denying that men tend to be more opportunistic when it comes to sex doesn't negate that it is generally true.
People, men and women, have sex for all kinds of reasons at various times in their lives. But we were talking about general sexual tendencies and behaviors though. At least, I thought we were.
It's not important that our views agree though.
See, I think for the most part we do agree.. whether guys hunt for sexual partners from an inate reason, or a social reason, or a combiation of the two, fact is they do. My recent point is that women do too..after all the guys do it with someone.(every time..lol)
No, I didn't. Emotionless, to me, means like a zombie. I don't think most men are like that. Most men at least LIKE the looks of the woman they're having sex with and are grateful for the opportunity. That's certainly not the definition of emotionless to me.
And a few women can have sex with a lot of guys! LOL! So, don't assume that because some women have indiscriminate sex that ALL do by choice. Some believe that the sex will make the guy fall in love with them. Go figure.
I think women enjoy sex and desire sexual attention but I don't think most want or prefer indescriminate sex if they have a choice. Many men don't want the hassle of a relationship but they still want the sex.
I agree with you, kat, that men and women have differences that are innate. Our brains are wired differently, as recent research has shown. Societal expectations play a role in the result, but the genders are different from the get go. Like you, I have felt more strongly about this as I have experienced more of life.
As for the statement by another poster that every emotionless sexual encounter by a man needs a woman who is also emotionless, that doesn't have to be true at all. The woman could easily be feeling emotions that her partner isn't. I've turned down sex by a couple of women because I knew their emotions were running much higher than mine (if I had anything except sexual drive involved at all), and I didn't want to hurt them or mess them up. The other poster is correct, though, that a mature male has the choice to have sex or not, to take his partner's feelings into account or not. Men can't just use the "spreading my seed" excuse. Men, as a group, are more likely to have sex for its own sake, but we also have to be decent human beings.
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