GUYS: sex without feelings

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Registered: 02-06-2006
GUYS: sex without feelings
43
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 5:23pm

guys, would you have sex without having feelings for the person?

virgins, would you have sex just for the sake for it with just anyone for the first time? isn't the first time important and special for guys too?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 9:02am
Mancreature, What I was refering to when I said that men have to have sex with "someone".. Obviously there are as many scenarios as there are hookups. I kind of agree with "if a man gets an opportunity he will have sex". I guess I didnt mean that if some girl is into him he will just do her for sex sake. The polls show that most teens, both male and female, have had sex by the time they are 17... I`m sorry, but I dont buy the scenario that most girls have sex in a relationship and most guys are "just having sex" The numbers at age 17 for both sexes are about equal, and there are more females than males. If that scenario was true (that there are a few loose girls who are servicing the needs of MANY men), (nope I dont buy it) ..those few girls would have some pretty huge numbers of sex partners. I understand the effects of testosterone on males, I remember my teen years well. I really think that more males will have "guiltless" sex where women will have sex for sex sake, but may regret it more. But , in my mind, that is more of a social stigma than anything else.
We have no idea if the cave people had the women just stay around the cave while the cave man was out doing every female he could find, no real evidence to support that notion.But in todays world,as you know, its a man thing to brag about the sexual conquests and a woman thing to keep her activities under wraps. Again social stigma.
Again these guys who are having sex for sex sake are doing it with women , and I`m not convinced that all these women are expecting a relationship from it.Personal experience tells me that also. Now days they are called booty calls, friends with benefits, one night stands ,and hookups.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 11:31am

Hump, by what I wrote in my post to this thread, I was using my own experience as reference. I personally would say that women have the potential to be promiscuous. I understand that men have more testosterone, but as I understand it, women are more sensitive to the amount that they do have. As I said, if there weren't any social stigmas, I would have probably have slept with a lot more men when I was I was younger. My hormones were raging as well. I will say this though, generally speaking, that overall women are more discretional than men are. They require more than just minimal attraction. In other words, I felt like I was always somewhat aroused(I was very aware of the feelings in my genitals), but I didn't have the urge to want to have sex with a man unless two things were in place: I was sexually attracted to him, or I was sexually and emotionally attracted to him. So, again, that may be a major difference. Maybe because of womens' propensity to more discrimination in choosing a sexual partner(perhaps biologically the "fittest"), the fear of pregnancy, and the social stigmas combined, women are naturally going to appear to be less promiscuous than men.

I found this article. I don't know how reputable it is, but it outlines a few ideas I've read on the net.

http://bio.univet.hu/Salve/00news/evol_ps/00-09-female_promis.html

Supposedly, the old addage "God gave man a penis and a brain, but only enough blood to use one at a time." may not be so far off the mark. Supposedly they're discovering in animals that the size of the male testes is relative to the level of the female's promiscuity. But the really funny thing about it(and this was recently revealed through the study of bats) is that the larger the testes, the smaller the brain. (explains a lot! tee hee).

But anyhow, with the infidelity rate of women being as high as it is, the fact that 70% of teens are having sex by the age of 17(and like you said not necessarily relationship sex), and the fact that many children are not biological children of the supposed fathers, all points to it being very possible. The studies I believe were done on non-humans but they're saying that in chimpanzees, which are our closest cousins and in which the females are highly promiscuous, the male testes are large; whereas in the gorilla(not sure how close we are to them) the females are faithful and, therefore, the males have smaller testes. The correlation is that human males have medium sized testes, which points to the fact that human females are probably moderately promiscuous. As I said, I don't know how reputable any of this is, just thought I'd put it out there.




Edited 2/22/2006 12:36 pm ET by rain_dancer_iam
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
Avatar for katmandoo2001
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 11:35am

"...but we also have to be decent human beings."

Absolutely. And I can say that I have met more decent men in my lifetime, than those who were lacking. Without a doubt.

And yes, those biological differences have been basically ignored in this thread.

But while I partially agree with the posters that society has a definite effect on the genders since it's an unavoidable factor, of course,.....I do feel that they're ignoring another major consideration. We all grow up, we mature and decide to what degree we will continue to ALLOW society to influence and dictate our behavior and choices. We're affected by society but we do get to make choices about how it will continue to impact our lives as adults.

So while one sex isn't superior to the other, we ARE different.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 11:47am
Kat....I've heard men on other boards say that they wouldn't have any problem having sex with someone they hate if she were attractive(I do believe that they were all under 25). They called it "grudge_______(insert f word). Although we have biological urges, there's also a thing called "a brain" that we use to think and reason, as well. So yes, I agree with you, "behavior" and "choices" prevail.


Edited 2/22/2006 11:49 am ET by rain_dancer_iam
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
Avatar for katmandoo2001
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 11:56am

I actually remember doing some pretty stupid things when I was young, just because I could. I think it's that same impulsiveness and lack of perspective that's responsible for those young guys making those choices you mentioned.

We do gain more self control and perspective as we grow older. Thank God, because it's a wonder we get through our teen years at all.

But you know, I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything here. I'm just voicing my opinion based on what I know to be true. I'm sure this debate has gone on since we've been on the planet and will continue.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 12:31pm
Oh, I agree, Kat, but they were all in their early to mid twenties(I said young, not teens ;-))
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 1:22pm
Mancreature, that is so nice to hear. Sometimes taking responsiblity for our own actions means taking responsiblity for others as well. Not all men would take that course, but I think that most would. Take care.
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 3:52pm
I was an athlete all the way from grade school thru college, honestly, after listening to the immature B.S. that Ive heard in locker rooms over the years, I find myself embarressed of my own gender. The ego`s and testosterone flying around that environment is simply amazing....lol. The lack of or perceived lack of respect for women in general was sickening. I was always curious if the male band members acted in such a way..lol
Avatar for katmandoo2001
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 4:36pm

Old, sometimes bad, habits die hard, perhaps? Sad that some young men don't value their own sexuality more than that. And other's.

There's a new book out called "Self Made Man" by Nora Vincent.

She went undercover as a man for 18 mos. and immersed herself into the "male world." She dated women, joined a bowling league, entered a monastery, went on an all male retreat, befriended men as a man on their turf. This book is her impression of life as a male.

Interestingly, she is a lesbian who had always felt that she was as close to being male as any woman could get and discovered that she was quite wrong. Very interesting.




Edited 2/22/2006 6:49 pm ET by katmandoo2001
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 4:38pm
Yes, male bravado hides a lot of fear and insecurity doesn't it?