Guys these days ... lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Guys these days ... lol
56
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 1:56pm
Gosh I feel like sexual customs are changing or something: I have a brand new relationship and we had sex for the first time last night. Without acting like it was the slightest bit unusual, when he was ready to orgasm he pulled out, yanked off the rubber, and held his penis about a foot or so over my face and masturbated all over me! Is this normal? I mean I have had a couple of men do similar things in the past but only when I knew them! I didn't so much mind as I was totally surprised ... there was nothing -mean- about it, he snuggled up afterwards and was totally friendly and cool ... I was like, ummm, OK ... one of my eyes was bloodshot this AM but otherwise I'm no worse for the wear ... still this is so wierd, I'm laughing b/c I guess I'm just not _au courant_ ....
Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 1:09pm
i think you are confusing me with another poster. although i'd like to add that your and kat's views are not that far off. open-minded is good, something truly offputting is bad. (of course that may be different for each participant)

just for my own curiosity, so if your partner was easy going, cool and really into doing you up your bum with a dildo, would you go for it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 1:19pm
>>just for my own curiosity, so if your partner was easy going, cool and really into doing you up your bum with a dildo, would you go for it?<<

You *really* want to try that, don't you? LOL I am curious myself, but DH is adamant that he doesn't want to try.

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 1:21pm
"I disagree Kat ... I think all Sugarbeat is saying is, it's fun when a lover tries to do what really turns you on. That's all. That's the best attitude for sure. I mean, similarly, if I were on a date with her, I'd try to accommodate her particular desires for sure, unless for some wierd reason they were truly offputting. ;-)"

Yes, it's "fun" when a lover TRIES to do what really turns you on, but it's NOT "fun" when they FORCE it upon you, as the man in the OP did, IMO. There was little room for HER decision, about HER BODY.

"I certainly haven't walked too much on the wild side -- never done anal or anything -- but what the heck: if the mood was right, I don't see why I wouldn't."

Is that giving or receiving? ;-) Again, putting into the context of the OP, how would you like it if a woman rammed a dildo up you're butt without your consent while fellating you?

"I would actually say exactly the same thing as Sugarbeat -- I want to be a really fun lover too and if the girl was particularly into something and easygoing and cool about it, I can't really imagine why I wouldn't do it for her. Ya know?"

What if it were golden showers(she wanted to drink your pee), how'd that fare with ya? ...or SCAT? Can you still not imagine why you wouldn't do it for her even if she took your load in her face for you?



"I think the cardinal rule in all this is just to leave the other person feeling like a million bucks. Then they're going to come back for more, and of course that's the whole point! ;-)"

I think you're speaking about a sex-only relationship. I can see you having to impress the other in order for them to come back. Not so in a real relationship where there's love. Sex is the best with just the basics, and you build on that. In other words, you don't require all the extras in order to be satisfied. No toys, no visuals, no kinkiness, just the two of you. DH doesn't need to orgasm on my face to feel like a million bucks, he just needs to orgasm. I don't need all of the frills, just an adept tongue, fingers and penis.



Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 1:32pm
now don't put david_ny off. i wouldn't be "ramming" a dildo up his bum. i'd use tons of lube and let him back up on it. it's all about mutual pleasure for me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 1:37pm
Wwwwwow!!!...did YOU take the wrong path of the fork in the road! RAOFL!!

Kat...mandoo...trust me dear, I TOTALLY agree with you. You obviously didn't realize that I was posting about having a more positive attitude toward MEN and NOT a more positive attitude towards "everything they wanted"...two totally different things my dear.

So many times have we read posts that humiliate or judge "MEN" with such negativity, so my post was about having a more positive, if not productive, attitude towards men instead.

NOTE: this had and STILL has NOTHING to do with men's needs/wants being met all the time. I'm sure you thought that because of this string's path itself, but now you know the difference. Thanks for asking for the clarification before jumping online and responding to the wrong thing...always promotes an even more positive atmosphere.

:)

:)

:)

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 1:37pm
I'm not sure if you've ever been in love or had an emotional connected relationship, but making love doesn't have to entail all of that extravaganza to be great. I'm not saying that you shouldn't incorporate any of it, but it's not necessary really. People "make fun" of the actual act by saying it gets boring or old(if you don't do x,y,z), but nothing can be further from the truth. You don't need anything but what nature gave you to have the greatest sex there ever was. If that were true, then after 26 years I should have to do ANAL, SCAT, S&m, GOLDEN SHOWERS, FACIALS, DOM/SUB, and anything else kinky, or else sex must be boring. Not so. Give me a good night of slow lovemaking, and slow-built up orgasms and I'd feel like a million bucks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2003
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 1:38pm
> I think you're speaking about a sex-only relationship. I can see you having to impress > the other in order for them to come back. Not so in a real relationship where there's

> love. Sex is the best with just the basics, and you build on that. In other words, you > don't require all the extras in order to be satisfied. No toys, no visuals, no

> kinkiness, just the two of you. DH doesn't need to orgasm on my face to feel like a

> million bucks, he just needs to orgasm. I don't need all of the frills, just an adept

> tongue, fingers and penis.

I think that's pretty darn fair. I mean I have never used toys or whatever but I think a little visual stimulation and just a healthy small dose of kinkiness is fun too. Even when I'm in love. I mean it works best when sex and love are working together, no? ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2003
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 1:38pm
I think that (a) being open to experimentation is important (and that's what David is saying) and (b) NEVER doing anything you're uncomfortable with is important (which is what many posters are saying).

And I guess in these times, perhaps we should wonder if some comfort levels may be burdensomely high.

I bet my grandfather never performed oral sex on my grandmother. I suspect he thought that would have been degrading. Now I lick my wife's ________ all the time. Do I find it degrading NO. Does she? Amongst her pants, moans, and orgasms, I doubt it.

While she was dating, would I blame her for looking for a guy who was skilled at oral? No.

In a loving relationship many new things can be fun.

And yes Sugarbeat, if my wife wanted to do me with a dildo, I'd buy the lube.

The fact that I perform oral on her frequently after I've come inside of her indicates that neither of us have any problem with our juices.

Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 2:04pm
sounds like the two of you have a great sex life. the key to all this is "in a loving relationship." love, trust and respect are very conducive for open-minded sex play. you know your partner has the best intentions and wouldn't want to do it if she knew you weren't into it. knowing that creates a certain emotional comfort which makes you more willing to experiment.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 2:07pm
You create your own visuals, bare of all external stimuli. Kinkiness will only remain kinky when it remains rare.

"In the desert, you cannot hide your nakedness..."