Had Foursome - Now I Feel SO Dirty! Help

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2007
Had Foursome - Now I Feel SO Dirty! Help
7
Mon, 04-28-2008 - 9:30am

Hi everyone,


Im new here and I'm here because something happened over the weekend that I've been so ashamed of myself over and I havent been able to stop thinking about it (and basically beating myself up over). I'm 31 years old and have always been strictly into men. While friends and I do go out occasionally and dance together / get drinks, I've never done anything with a woman nor have I wanted to. One of my ex's even used to try to beg me to go with him to swing clubs and I used to get insulted and I never would. Anyway, this weekend, a friend of mine and I went out and ended up at this bar where she had a guy friend of hers meet up with us. He brought a guy friend of his and we were all EXTREMELY drunk. I realize I shouldn’t have let myself get to this point, but it happened and we ended up at my friend's house. Before I knew it, you can basically guess what was happening between all 4 of us. Hardly anything at all happened with my friend and I, but I'm so ashamed of myself because I allowed myself to be with both guys. I feel so used and dirty, I took a hot shower for like a half hour the next day. Also, I remember parts of what happened but not all of it. I do remember making my guy use protection but he kept taking it off and I had to keep making him put one back on. I also remember the guy was drunk so he really couldn’t "perform" (I'm saying this because I think that’s probably a good thing because I don’t remember him "finishing" ever). I do know for sure the other guy stayed 100% protected. The one I was with didn’t "finish" but I'm not sure if he was protected 100% of the time, so now I'm really really scared. I am probably going to go to the gyn and tell her what happened and ask to be checked out, but I feel so guilty and used and dirty now and I don’t know how to get rid of this feeling. I just feel like I did something so bad, so unlike myself and all because I had been drinking because I know 100% if I hadnt been, that NEVER wouldn’t happened.

Jacki

153.2 / 152.2 / 120

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Mon, 04-28-2008 - 9:51am

Everyone makes mistakes!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2008
Mon, 04-28-2008 - 1:16pm

Yes, everyone does make mistakes. You have to forgive yourself for it & learn from it. Find your drinking limit & do NOT go past it for anything. You might also want to evaluate how good a "friend" this girl is. How does she feel about what happened? Getting tested for STDs is a good idea. And remember, even good people do things that are "bad" or things they wouldn't normally do sometimes. It doesn't mean you are a bad person.


(((Hugs)))

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2008
Mon, 04-28-2008 - 2:37pm

hi jets


as all the respondents said - what is done is done, try not to think about it too much and with time the memory will fade; I did some silly things in the past when I got drunk, so now I tend to drive if I go out, so I know I can't drink..


also please check yourself for STI/STD just in case


have you discussed this with your friend?


take care,lots of hugs coming you way


belladonna:-]

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Mon, 04-28-2008 - 6:05pm

Hi jetsluvr, and welcome back to the board.

I agree with the other members ... don't beat yourself up over this. We all do make mistakes, it's part of being human. It's obvious that you think this was a mistake for you, so just be careful to take care of yourself in the future.

I would also talk with my friend to see if her memory of the events was any different. She may know more about the other guy than you do -- I would also get tested for STDs.

You're being hard on yourself right now, but this will get easier to accept as time goes on.







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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2008
Sun, 05-04-2008 - 1:10am

I have to respectfully disagree with the other posters because

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
Sun, 05-04-2008 - 8:49am
libeccio, her MISTAKE was in letting alcohol make her decisions for her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Sun, 05-04-2008 - 8:57am
Well said!