hand job instead?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
hand job instead?
9
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 5:48pm

It is that time of the month for me and I don't like having sex at that time. Other times we have sex at least 3 times a week if not more. My H wanted a hand job although I enjoyed giving him one it seemed pretty selfish to me.

What do you think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2003
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 5:52pm

I love giving my man oral during that time of the month.

I do get frustrated that there is not much in it for me as far as direct contact goes (and we are still too new for me to initiate sex during that time)...however, I get off just knowing how good I make him feel. Its such a boost to my feminism. He loves it, and I genuinely love to make him feel good. That's as far as it goes for me.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 5:56pm

Selfish of him or selfish of you? You know, you DO have the right to say no to your spouse if you aren't up to sexual activity. He is your partner, not your master.

But IF you enjoyed pleasing him then don't allow yourself to be resentful about it. Just say no if you really don't want to do it next time. He can take care of himself occasionally. It won't kill him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 6:19pm

What works for us at ALL times is while one is giving oral(seemingly to finish) or manual(seemingly to finish), and the giver becomes sexually aroused as well, we take matters into our own hands or position ourselves to receive manual from the receiver. If I'm giving him oral or manual, then he or I will perform manual on me, and vise-verse(69 is not a favorite since it takes too much concentration). It actually progresses things because it's so erotic to "feel" your partner's genitals while receiving oral or manual. I specified at ALL times because we aren't affected sexually during that time of the month, and this is our usual anyhow while one is giving.

So if you get aroused while servicing him, then just take care of things with your free hand or if he doesn't mind, ask him to do it for you. Some men like DH are not weirded out by the blood(especially if it's manual), particularly while extremely aroused.




Edited 4/14/2005 6:45 pm ET ET by rain_dancer_iam
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 7:27pm

If you enjoyed it, then why do you feel he was selfish?


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2005
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 2:06am

I think...

yu're not a blow up doll, and you don't have to be "available" to him every day. Surely he CAN survive three or four days without sex??

I'm not saying don't give him a HJ if you WANT to...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2004
Sun, 04-17-2005 - 12:19am
I think I understand what you are getting at. What it boils down to is he wants it even though you can't have the same thing, but you know that when your period finishes, he won't return the favor by only pleasuring you. I ran into that problem when I was first married. Granted, I caused the problem myself, but I also fixed the problem myself. When I was first married, when my husband came home from work, I would give him what was, at the time, no strings attached pleasure. But after a while, it hit me that he NEVER (and I do mean NEVER) reciprocated . . . So I stopped doing it. One day he says to me "I notice you never do that anymore. How come?" I told him flat out that it was because he never repaid the favor. His response was "oh, ok" . . .
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sun, 04-17-2005 - 9:06pm

What's selfish about it? It's unfair for you because you can't join in but it's not selfish of him. You can't/won't have sex and he can still enjoy a HJ. What's wrong with him asking for one? You don't HAVE to give him one, but if you enjoy it, why not? The only time it's selfish is if he insists or forces you to give him a handjob.

He could stimulate your clitoris or use a vibrator externally on you. It's quite possible for you to have an orgasm without penetration and he might be quite happy to help you out too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Sun, 04-17-2005 - 9:33pm
Well will he not have sex when your on your period, or is it just you saying no? Personally I have sex on my lite days, but when I don't I always give him something bj, hand, whatever. I don't think he's being selfish if he is not insisting on it and if you are willing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2005
Sun, 04-17-2005 - 11:17pm
Hi ipatty77, in my opinion, giving a handjob to your H can be sexual for both of you. I really don't think of it as selfish for him. Sometimes I am demanding on giving my bf pleasure even when he disagrees that he wants to give me pleasure. Of course, we are very "giving" to each other..it makes us both excited to please one another. So, if you are the "giving" type, and you really enjoy giving handjobs to him, don't think of it as selfish. Think of it this way: He is trusting you with his "equipment", go on and make it enjoyable for the both of you. If you have to, use chocolate, fudge, or caramel syrup or even better, whip cream!