hard to ejaculate..is he cheating on me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2005
hard to ejaculate..is he cheating on me?
4
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 6:02am
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 months (both of us are in our late 20s), and we have sex regularly (about 2 to 3 times a week), but a lot of times it will take a long time before he can ejaculate or sometimes he can't even ejaculate inside me and needs to masturbate with his hands to ejaculate. I know that he was pretty sexual in the past and had more sexual experience than I do, and he didn't have this problem in the past. I asked him about this, and he simply said that it might be because we don't do enough foreplay (even though I feel that this is not the true reason). I recently discovered that he has been visiting adult websites. I don't think it's me because I never had problems satisfying my ex-boyfriends sexually. Also I know that it's hard for guys to ejaculate or it will take them a long time to ejaculate if they had just "released" prior to sex. Since we don't see each other everyday, I'm worried that he's cheating on me and he's getting his sexual needs satisfied somewhere else. So is my concern legit or I'm just worried too much?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 8:59am

It doesn't mean he's cheating on you at all. If you trust him, why would you even think that way? Men are not *sex machines* they don't always perform on command. It's possible he is probably masturbating which many people do whether they have sex a lot of not. Maybe it just takes him a while to get off.

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You might be getting enough foreplay for you, but maybe he needs more of it. Men enjoy and need foreplay also.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 9:07am

Unless he just left someone 15 minutes before he had sex with you, his ejaculation problems have NOTHING to do with cheating. He says he never had this problem before? Well, that's what HE says. Were you there?

This isn't an unusual problem at all. Guys can have this problem for many reasons, but more often than not, it's because there's pressure on them. The fact that he knows that you think he's cheating on you is PRESSURE! Maybe he's afraid you'll get pregnant. That's pressure. Maybe the relationship isn't working for him. That's pressure.

He says it's because of not enough foreplay? Then give him more foreplay, and see if that helps. Just because you "satisfied" other guys, that has nothing to do with him. He's not other guys, he's who HE is. All guys are different.

Bottom line, if you don't trust the guy, then you don't need to be in a relationship with him. He told you what he thinks it is. Give him the benefit of the doubt.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 10:06am

I wouldn't worry about his difficulty with ejaculating. That's his issue and since he didn't ask for your help with it, then let him handle it.

Try spending more time with foreplay and see if that helps, as he suggested. Could be that he's masturbating too much and training himself to respond only to his own stimulation but it's doubtful that he's cheating with another person. But of course, anything is possible. IF you feel distrustful at this point, then a serious discussion is in order.

IF the porn is an issue for you, then definitely, discuss that, too, but don't expect him to quit using porn to masturbate. It's not likely that he will completely. After all, he probably doesn't tell you how to masturbate, does he? But there's no harm in asking him to cut back to see if that's causing the difficulty with ejaculation.

All these issues and more need to be discussed and negotiated in any relationship...it's a good way to find out if you're compatiable, emotionally AND sexually.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2003
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 6:03pm
He could have the same problem my ex-boyfriend had. He was masturbating so much on his own, that when he was with me, it was hard to ejaculate because he was so used to his own hand. Your boyfriend is probably just taking care of business on his own, but just a little too much. You should probably ask him about it, and explain how you're feeling and ask if he could cut back just a little. My ex was pretty willing, and hopefully your boyfriend will be too.