Harmless Flirtation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Harmless Flirtation?
12
Sun, 07-08-2007 - 9:16am

Is there such a thing as “harmless flirtation”?

Apparently 70% of men get a rush from harmless flirtation….
77% of men like to make eye contact with an attractive stranger.

How do you women handle this, do you turn a blind eye if your significant other “flirts harmlessly “ or does your jealousy streak kick in?

Men, is there any truth to the above statistics? How would you feel if your significant other “harmlessly flirts”?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Sun, 07-08-2007 - 9:25am
I not only believe there is such a thing as harmless flirtation, I think it's healthy. Being committed to one person doesn't mean that you have stopped finding people attractive, nor does it mean you have stopped feeling the need for positive reinforcement in your own life. Harmless flirting is fun, it makes you feel good, and it shouldn't hurt anyone. IMO if a partner can't handle a little bit of harmless flirting then chances are, they have insecurity issues that they need to address.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Sun, 07-08-2007 - 9:26am
I'm not a man but.....Every person is different. I think little harmless flirting is not big deal, it makes people feel good when you flirt. If it doesn't go too far I don't see any big deal with it. On the other hand I know people who would totally disagree with me. I have a friend would FREAK OUT if his SO was flirting with someone....there would be a huge fight between them. I think it just depends on how jealous of a person you are and also how secure you are in your relationship.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2006
Sun, 07-08-2007 - 12:10pm
I have lived with both the extremes, first wife was insanely jealous the current DW almost expects me to flirt.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2006
Sun, 07-08-2007 - 12:43pm

I totally agree, Misty. My wife does engage in mild flirtation on occasion, and I don't have a problem with it. When she receives a response it makes her feel attractive and young again. I, in turn, am pleased that she can capture another man's eye, it validates what I tell her all the time...that she's a beautiful woman.

And while I don't flirt, every now and then I do get "that look" from a stranger and I tell her about it.

Neither of us is exactly a spring chicken, if you know what I mean, so when others indicate that we are still attractive individuals it's just a darn good feeling.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sun, 07-08-2007 - 1:15pm

I believe there is harmless flirtation, Dh and I have no problems with flirting.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Sun, 07-08-2007 - 6:18pm
>>>the current DW almost expects me to flirt.<<<
That's kinda cool!! :-)
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Sun, 07-08-2007 - 8:26pm
I think it is so unnatural not to be jealous if you care about someone. But, the important thing is the way one acts on that jealousy.
One should not allow jealousy to consume them and importantly, not allow it to infringe on the well being of the relationship union. I believe unless there is trust, respect and communication, there is no "union" in a relationship; there is "me" and “you"!
Flirtation is a thought…….it is how one acts that determines its power.
I agree that extreme jealousy tends to be a reflection of an insecure being and can not be healthy in any relationship.
In respect to “harmless flirting”;
I am a happy person, I approach all interactions with a smile - men may take that as a flirt, but I take it as....welcoming, polite, charming, feminine etc... If my significant other was extremely jealous of such a superficial act, then I would say they are insecure with themselves or with the relationship, because, it’s all about ones intentions and the extent to which “harmless flirtation” is done.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2006
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 12:12pm
Well she has known me since we were 15 or 16.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 4:27pm

I guess I am a little different from the other posters here. "Harmless flirting" to me would have to mean that both the giver and the reciever are understanding that it is just play. If you are all talking about that,then I agree there is nothing wrong with that type of flirting. I do think that people can get into trouble when one party flirts with really no intention of participating further if the other party is unaware that it is harmless. I guess I have seen some people get themselves into trouble "harmlessly flirting"

Dh loves when men look at me and he notices. He seems to notice that more than I do probably because I have all that I want in him I have not desire to flirt. I don't really notice if another woman flirts with my dh because he doesn't respond if they do. When we are out together, people who we don't know us will make comments to us about how much in love we appear to be. We constantly flirt with each other. Who knows, maybe after 28 years we forgot how to flirt with anyone else!



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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 4:54pm
I would think 95% of all affairs start with "harmless flirting". Making conversation is one thing, flirting, as in telling the other person how attractive they are, their arse looks good in those jeans, they have a sexy smile etc, is out of line in most cases. "No" intention has become "with" intention millions and millions of times. Depends on your definition of flirting..To me normal conversation with another at, say, a party, is not flirting.
I think there may some difference on how single people flirt vs. married people..Of course affairs happen all the time so maybe there is not a big difference...
It treally depends on the couple involved.....In SOME couples the 3rd party not flirting would be a fool to let their mate start coversing in a sexy manner to another.
Sometimes jealously or an uneasy insecure feeling CAN be an early warning mechanism. It really depends on the people involved and the security of their relationship.....


Edited 7/9/2007 5:05 pm ET by humpdaddy

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