has anyone heard of this

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
has anyone heard of this
5
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 12:56pm
My daughter has a friend who is 15. This friend told my daughter she was raped. I was also raped at that age so instantly, felt sorry for her. Now, here is what I don't understand. Even though she was raped by this 28 year old man, she still hangs out with him, hugs him and leaves by herself with him. Is this normal? I am 36 and to this day if I see someone who reminds me of the guy who raped me, I get nervouse. Hugging him would be the last thing on my mind much less going somewhere alone with him. To be honest I am completly confused. Has anyone heard of still being friends with the guy who raped them? Or still hanging out with them or going places with them?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 1:17pm

i'm by no means an expert in the subject, but there are a few possibilities i can think of. number one, she may be lying. i hate to 'accuse' of such, because i don't know her whole story. but for example, my cousin had a friend over for the night, there were also 2 guys there. so the 4 of them slept in one room. the next day the girl claimed she was raped. now, if u were raped, wouldnt u yell out? especially when other people were in the SAME room? in this case i described, it just seems a bit unlikely. sometimes its sadly, a cry for attention. and something that is far too serious to exaggerate or lie about. of course, i presume most cases are in fact real accusations and i could not imagine the ordeal that a woman goes through w/ this. another thing could be that he has some kind of control over her. she is only 15 and this guy is almost 2x her age, often a warning sign, especially wen she's not even close to being legal, and even consented sex would be illegal. so she may be scared of him and he may of threatened her. whatever the case may be, this girl definitely needs some help from an adult professional with this matter, these r just my thoughts tho. by no means do i find it 'normal'

<3cari

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 1:41pm
I hate to admit it but, I think it was a stunt for attention. She has a crush on this guy and has for a while. She has not changed the way she acts around him at all. That is what tells me she probaly just regets having sex. I guess she figures that if she said it was rape people would look at it in a different light. But, rape is a very strong word that should only be used when it really happens. Now, she only told a few close friends, that is girls. I was not suppose to be told. Nor does she want anyone else told she was "raped". I just don't really think it happened that way. I have not let my daughter see or talk to this girl since. I really am confused, any advice would be helpful.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 4:02pm

People react to trauma in many ways and just as hostages can begin to identify with their kidnappers, so can rape victims begin to form a bond with their abusers...albeit a decidely sick one. It CAN happen though. It's the result of manipulation and she may actually believe that she loves him now but rape is still rape and in this case, it's of a child.

I wouldn't assume that because she isn't reacting the way you did, that it didn't happen. I think you should try and befriend this girl and get more information. You could be saving her from a terrible situation. And whether he actually raped her or not, this is a case of an ADULT male taking advantage of a child and he needs to be in jail!




Edited 1/13/2005 4:04 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 4:26pm
The girl was probably telling a lie to your daughter. Can't imagine any girl wanting to hang out, let alone hug and touch, her rapist. Probably a lie.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 4:32pm

I'm thinking exactly what you're thinking! At 15, she's perfectly capable of having consentual sex, but she knows she shouldn't have, so it's her way of making it look like she was taken advantage of. Regardless of whether it was consentual or not, it's Statutory Rape, and the guy should be punished. But, at 15, she obviously thinks it's "cool" to have the "older man" interested in her.

Where are this girl's parents? What is wrong with THEM that they allow her to be with a 28 year old man? Someone should report the whole mess to Children's Protective Services. This girl needs some kind of guidance and protection, which she's not getting at home.