Has anyone seen my libido???

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
Has anyone seen my libido???
9
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 10:21am
I swear, I don't know what happened to it, But I'm getting frustrated and so is my GF.
I have always had a high, teenage boy sex drive. It has never dropped before. I'm 42.
Over the last few months my sex drive has dwindled to almost nothing. We used to have sex 5-7 times a week and now it's maybe once a week. I think about it during the day, but not as much as before. And by the time night rolls around, I'm too tired to try.
Even when I look at porn, it doesn't seem to "get me up".
Everything is fine on the home front, no worries or stresses.
Am I going through the mid-life whatever?
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 11:13am
Testosterone levels begin decreasing around age 36-37, so maybe yours is finally catching up to you. LOL! Everyone has peaks and valleys in desire though. That's normal.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 11:28am
I agree and understand about everyone having peaks and valleys, so do I , but this feels like I fell into the Grand Canyon. LOL
Is a hormone level test something my regular doctor can do?
I hope this isn't too much information, but I don't even get regular erections like I used to. Not even while laying in bed with my very sexy GF. I have always gotten an erection from thought or visual stimulation, lately it seems to only respond with direct stimulation. This stuff is scary and un-nerving.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2004
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 12:02pm

You seem to understand about peaks and Valleys in libido, and you know your body and normal responce much better than we do. Obviously this is something that is not only frustrating to you but also scary. Your best bet, concidering you are alarmed about the change and it seems so drastic is to see your dr. I doubt he'll test hormone levels off the bat. But he will want to check your prostate and testicles for problems you may not have noticed. As well as an overall phsyical.

Make sure you make a list of all the changes you've noticed so as not to forget any small details that could be very important.

Have you been taking ANY medications? Pain relievers, Anti- Depressants, AntiBiotics, even diatary supplements and vitamins recently? make a list and bring that to your dr. as well.

Has your Diet changed significantly? How about your activity level?

All those things can effect libido and sexual responce alot.

Dr.s visits for these sorts of things can be scary. My husband has had these sorts of visits before and you just have to Buck up and take it like a man! lol Schedule a Physical and discuss all these things with your dr.

And on the bright side - your libido might be down but you havent forgotten it, and you are still having sex on a fairly regular basis. You'll be back on track in No Time at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 12:29pm
Thank you both. I think I will have to make an appointment. This just isn't like me.
When my SO and I met she was certain she would never find someone with a libido as high as hers. She was very suprised and happy when she found that we were very equally sex fiends. Now we've been together more than 6 years so things do level out, but that level was the 4 times a week.
Another issue is that she has never had to worry or wonder if I was "ready" or in the mood. I tell her otherwise, but I can sense that she is concerned about my attraction to her.I'll have to explain to her that I am very attracted, just in need of some more "help" as I get older.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 12:44pm

I would also say if this is concerning you, get a complete check up and let the doc know what is going on.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2004
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 12:46pm

ooo that can be a sticky place... sounds like you have the situation in hand when it comes to your SO's feelings. But as a gentle reminder, be totally open with her and explain everything, let her know you are going to the dr about it so she understands.

Us women take this stuff personally if we dont understand it thoroughly.

Gl let us know how things go. And dont be suprised if you get a clean bill of health and return to your normal frisky self on your own. You may find as you get older that your valleys are deeper and longer than before.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 2:09pm

As Tish mentioned, some underlying, undiagnosed medical condition can take a toll on your drive, or even the previously problem-free meds. you may have used successfully for years. That's why a good, thorough annual exam is even more important as we age. At the very least, a physical would put your mind at ease.

Added stress, even stress we don't seem to notice, can also have more of an effect as we age. I know that's been the case with my DH and myself. More than likely, this is a temporary slump though.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
Fri, 09-30-2005 - 12:50am
Keep up the communication with your SO. After 12 years of marraige, H was touching me about 2-3 three times a year (quite a drop from weekly). Nothing I did got him interested. He did buy me a dildo, but he refused to "play" and playing alone wasn't something I was interested in. To this day, I have no idea why it happened because he refused to talk about it. So in addition to having yourself checked out, do keep up the communication - trust me, it should ease her mind that it's not her. IMO cuddling can be just as intense as sex. So try to find other physical ways that you can show how much you love her. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
Sat, 10-01-2005 - 5:55pm
Thanks everyone. I will try to comunicate and keep at it.
The other night in bed she had rolled over and was "holding " my package while we watched TV. Normally that would be all it takes, but "it" had no response. I couldn't believe it.
After a few minutes she rolled away. Then I rolled to her and cuddled for awhile. Then it woke up. We ended up making love and enjoying ourselves, so all was not lost.But I dfinitely need to talk to her about it so she knows it wasn't because of her that my penis wasn't responding.
I never thought the day would come when a woman could be holding my penis and it would just lay there...