he can't keep it up w/condom

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2004
he can't keep it up w/condom
6
Thu, 05-11-2006 - 8:07pm

hey all..

ok i have a question and hopefully you all can give me advice. I started dating a new guy recently and we have GREAT chemistry. The oral/manual stuff is amazing too.. but we both want to take it up a level. The problem is that he loses it everytime he puts on a condom- and hes average size so its not that its too small on him. He told me that this has happened since he first started having sex, so hes never used one before. Im on BC.. but thats not 100% and with the whole STD stuff.. i always prefer to have safe sex.. just my thing i guess. Well we have tried and tried and it just doesnt work. Its starting to get frustrating- and its killing our atmosphere in bed. I dont want to give in, and he says he really wants to get used to doing it with one since that is what will make me more comfortable. ANyone have any fixes or suggestions to help with this? We keep trying over and over and it doesnt work and its just killing our sexual momentum... THANKS!

Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-11-2006 - 8:20pm

maybe you should try using the female condom. i've never actually used it, so can't vouch for it. but from what i understand it works like a little pouch inside your vagina.

i think you should trust your gut and not go condomless. why put your life on the line? since this guy never uses condoms i would say the risk is greater than with someone that always uses condoms.

plus take note that certain diseases can be transmitted through oral.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 12:01am

If he's never used condoms, then it's MORE important that you insist on them. He should also get himself tested, because some things, HPV in particular can even be spread WITH condoms, and they're an epidemic out there now. He can have all kinds of things with NO symptoms.

It IS just a matter of getting used to them...and it's very simple....no glove, no love. If he wants intercourse, then he uses a condom.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 1:10am

He WILL be able to keep it up with practice. While condoms are not the most fantastic thing to have to deal with, they CAN be dealt with and taken in your stride. Afterall, if you want safe sex you have to wear a condom. Birth control is only one reason for wearing a condom. His problem more than likely stems from the fact that, as you put it, your "sexual momentum" is comes to a complete stop when it's time to put the condom on. Suddenly the decision is made, you have to fumble, and everyone is looking at you roll this rediculous thing onto your penis, and half your mind is preoccupied for a while with condoms rather than getting hot and heavy. THAT is more than likely why he's loosing his erection - self conciousness, embarrassment, and the interruption in the "natural" flow of things with a new partner. It's not actually anything to do with sensation or fit or condoms as such. By now part of the problem will have compounded itself because he now *expects* to loose his erection when he reaches for the condom!

My advice? Stand firm on needing to wear a condom - at least until the two of you get tested for STD's and can agree that you are both "clean". Try making putting the condom on more "sexy". You could do it for him and keep touching and stimulating him as you do it. Try and distract him as he's doing it - I suppose masturbating in front of him and concentrating on that rather than the condom would work :-) Finally, if he still can't keep it up, shrug, go back to the foreplay and get him hard again that way and finish him off that way. He'll get over it eventually, it might just take some time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2004
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 7:49am

Hi Ladies:

"Finally, if he still can't keep it up, shrug, go back to the foreplay and get him hard again that way and finish him off that way. He'll get over it eventually, it might just take some time."

YOU can assist him; retrain his sexual response to condoms. Practice putting a condom on DURING foreplay. PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT!

Mac

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2000
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 9:12am
I'd insist, especially if he hasn't been using them before. Put it on him as part of the foreplay so hopefully he doesn't lose the mood, but if he can't manage, then finish each other off some other way and keep working on it until it's not an issue.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-13-2006 - 11:57am
I've never been able to get over this problem with my husband, but I think that the key is to teach him to associate the condom with pleasure instead of with loss of sensation/pleasure. Therefore, have him practice masturbating with the condom on. Put the condom on him during foreplay, using your mouth! If he is not hard enough for intercourse, give him oral and/or manual stimulation until he is hard, or even to the point of orgasm. Once he is able to enjoy himself with the condom on, he should be able to keep it on for intercourse. Good luck!
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