Is he cheating?
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 05-16-2005 - 4:16pm |
Yesterday was the first day in a long time that I and my BF of 10 months have been apart, other than being at work. Last night when he got home, we were starting to mess around. I know he had been outside and had not showered since the morning. I started to give him oral and noticed that there was a difference in feel and odor. I can swear by this ... there was a faint odor of how a woman would smell down there. There is no other way to explain it except to say that it smelled like a woman's crotch.
Is that normal for guys or should I be concerned about him being unfaithful? I stopped because I had so many thoughts running through my head. I'm not a paranoid or jealous person. I've never had any reason to believe he would cheat before ... he kisses the ground I walk on.
When I stopped, it's like he knew something was wrong and he told me that I didn't have to do that if I didn't want to. Now, that's the first time he'd EVER said that! I'd like to think that he just felt dirty from being out and about all day. I stopped and we had sex then and again right before we went to bed.
Could someone give some advice other than that I should ask him about it? It was talked about a little but I'm still so cynical.

Pages
I think that you're being too paranoid at this stage. I would expect if he had been having sex with another woman that he wouldn't have been interested in having sex and/or he would have wanted a shower before he got close to you. As for saying that you didn't have to do the oral sex if you wanted to? Well, it may have been the first time that he's said that, but it was probably also the first time that you were hesistant and examining the odours as closely as you were. He will have noticed your body language and noticed that you were behaving differently. YOu can't read too much into that statement at all.
However, having said that, what does your gut tell you? Why do you think that he could be cheating? Have there been other signs or indications? If the only time the two of you are apart is due to work, when do you think that he would have had the opportunity to cheat?
You're in a bit of a catch22 situation now. The odds are that you'll behave differently around him now as you look for signs of cheating. He'll pick up the vibes and he will likely behave differently in response to your behaviour even if he doesn't know what it's about and isn't guilty of cheating.
Nikki
Hot Wife to Courtney & SuperMom to David & Michael
That's just it - I wasn't looking for odors. I'm not that kind of girlfriend. My purpose for wanting to do that was soley to please him. I've never looked for clues, this one just kind of slapped me in the face.
I talked about the feel of it. I can say the texture was sort of like it had been lubricated... not with like lotion ... it was almost a powdery feel. Now that I think about it, it's like the feeling after you remove a condom. We don't use condoms because I'm on the pill.
I don't know what my gut tells me. I know I feel like I can trust him so this happening last night REALLY suprised me. I also know he is totally jealous of any contact I have with guys and often accuses me of cheating when I NEVER and don't want to.
It has been a long time since I've posted to a board, actually during my twin pregnancy over 7 years ago. When I read your story I just had to share. I have been married for nearly 17 years and just recently found out about my husband's secret sex life. The reason I wanted to reply is that now that I know about what he's been up to for the past 3 years, I've gone over it all in my head and things would pop into my mind that I had previously dismissed like what you mentioned with that smell. I don't mean to alarm you or cause you any unnecessary worry, but my husband always accused me of cheating when it was actually him doing all the cheating.
Hopefully you two can open a discussion about this and work it through. There is nothing worse than that nagging gut feeling that something isn't right. The one thing I've learned in all of this is to pay attention to your gut instinct.
Wayward,
You KNOW your man and his body, and if you discovered something unusual after being with him for the time you have, then I don't see how you could possibly be settled about this without talking with him about your concern.
Since he showered that morning, then it'd kinda be funny for us to think he missed a spot or that he needs shower lessons, so you IMHO are not in the wrong for asking him why you noticed a difference with him at that time. These things you noticed were strong enough for you to ask, and you didn't have reason to ask those things that hit you in the first place.
This sounds like it 'may' be a continuing concern anyway until you do discuss it. Hope all is actually okay.
C H A R A C T E R
Trust your instincts (your gut feelings). You know what you smelled and you know in your mind that he is cheating. Now you must tell your heart he is cheating and you must let him go.
A cheater will always cheat. I have been involved with a cheater in the past and I truly understand what you are going through.
Get rid of him! There is someone out there who will be faithful to you! You deserve better!
You said that yesterday was the first time that you'd been apart except for work. So, where was he yesterday, and what did he tell you he was doing? Your second post said something that to ME was a red flag. He's jealous of you even talking to other men. That bothers me.....because unfounded jealousy is a sign of insecurity, and insecure men are more likely than most to cheat, too. I was married to a cheater, and he was extremely jealous of me, for no reason. So jealous that he timed my trips to the grocery store!
I'd say follow your instincts, and pay attention to his behavior. I hope you're wrong, but better to be aware of what's going on.....than to be caught off guard. If he IS cheating, it won't do any good to talk to him about it, because he'll never admit it. He'll tell you you're crazy, or paranoid.
I will say that cheaters usually are careful to clean up after being with another woman, for the very reason that you discovered. Without a shower, it's pretty hard to disguise that odor. Just be vigilant. I hope you're wrong.
Lytt, I’m sorry to hear about your story. Reading these replies is really shocking. It might be worth mentioning that my BF was with a girl for nearly 6 years. He found out that she was cheating on him and he continued to be with her until he could no longer bare it. This might be reason for his paranoia. This may also be of interest to greenteabag.
I will say that if he IS cheating, it has not slowed his libido at all. I’ve noticed in the past few days (as always) he wants me anytime of the day and sometimes we are together more than once or twice a day.
That night, he knew something was wrong after we fooled around and I had to admit to him what I had discovered. He said that he had been outside most of the day. I know he had … he had been at families’ houses and had called me from each place with the correct phone numbers as he was leaving. His reaction was one of anger … that can’t explain much because when he accuses me, I become angry too (and I KNOW I don’t cheat).
Sweeterpea, it’s hard to talk to him about it. I can’t explain. It will get us absolutely nowhere. I don’t want to take any big actions but I will be more observative. However, like the first posters said, I don’t want to seem like I’m uneasy because he does pick up on that easily. He’s already picked up on it in the last few days and it bothers him.
Pages