Is he a control freak or is it me?
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Is he a control freak or is it me?
| Mon, 11-01-2004 - 3:04pm |
I have been dating someone for about three months now. We are 10 years apart in age (me, 32, him, 42). Now we seem to have quite a bit of sex especially since we're still in the newness stage but we only ever seem to have sex when he initiates it. Whenever I initiate it I am refused. Not outright but it's made pretty clear to me that he's not interested in having sex at that moment. He's lucky that I'm such a willing partner because he has never been refused by me. I guess my question is......am I doing something wrong by trying to initiate sex or is he just trying to control me? Other than that, we get along really well although I have noticed that he's very much in control of every part of his life. I've tried talking to him about it before and he didn't realize until I pointed it out that every time (every single time) that I have tried initiating sex, I have been refused and he didn't realize this but it hasn't changed since I brought it up. I don't initiate very often because he does initiate quite a bit but it's starting to work on my self-esteem and I guess sexual prowess as a woman. What should I do? And please, no "he's just not that into you" responses.

I guess that he's just not in the mood unless he's in the mood - and then he's initiating anyway. I wouldn't think that it's a control thing particularly. However, if you go with your gut instinct you think that it IS a control thing so maybe there is something to it. I couldn't say that it is or isn't without some more examples.
One thing that I get from your post is that you have a slight resentment because you are prepared to have sex even if you aren't in the mood and he never reciprocates the favour. Perhaps you shouldn't feel that you have to have sex just because he does? Perhaps you should refuse him if you are not in the mood? I think that you will begin to resent him more if you continue the way that you are.