He couldn't get it up for the 1st time..

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2004
He couldn't get it up for the 1st time..
12
Sat, 07-09-2005 - 3:31am

Well, I knew it would happen someday and it finally has. My boyriend and I had sex on the 4th of July and when I went in for round two, the little general was out of service. I don't have enough sexual experience to have had that experience before, and I know I shoul dhave been reassuring and said, "it's ok, no big deal, don't worry about it" and drop the topci so it doesn't turn into a complex for him or me. Well, we had been fooling around for round two and I was ready so I went to .. you know, ahem, start, and he wasn't in his saluting position, so I fooled around some more, checked again, and then he said he was sorry, but he had started touching me and I was phsycially unable to respond to him (LOL) and then I tried giving him, ahem, a hand, and more making out/fooling around, hugging ,etc. But nothing, and he said sorry aagin, but agian I was distracted and unable to speak, so I couldnt give the good supportive girlfriend response so like 20 minutes late after I had whipped out BOB to restore my vocal chords, I said it was ok, he could be tired sometimes. BUt it was like, so much later, I think it turne dinto this awkward silence and I was emabrrassed and for the first time, uncomforable.

So, I know not to make a big deal out of it, and since I probbaly just jumped on him too fast after a long day when he was already grumpy, it's not something that will most likely turn into a regular event,

but I am embarrassed, and I don't know. OSme words of wisdom are welcome. I am embarrassed for me, for him, for the whoel thing, and now i feel shy about it. but i promise i will just act normally the next time we are intimate.

oh thought of another thing, i am irriatedt at him for another reason and deicded i wont be intiatiting contact for our next date amd i usually do, do you think im blowing him off because of this instead of what im mad about??.... nahg i am being silly and paranoid.

Anyway, words of wisdom please. :D

EMily

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Sat, 07-09-2005 - 6:30am

You must be inexperienced if that's never happened to you before, (um, by the way, it didn't happen to YOU, it happened to him!) particularly on the second time around! It may have been the first time for you, but trust me, it won't be the last! Then he tried to touch you, but you couldn't respond? Why? The poor guy was trying to make it up to you....and what has his lack of erection got to do with whether or not you get aroused.

Somehow, thru your whole post, all I hear is YOU, YOU, YOU. You should have done this, (but you didn't) You should have said that, (but you didn't) You tried to give him a hand again, but it still didn't work so in complete silence you got your toy out and took care of it yourself, right in front of him......as much to say he was useless as anything else. The toy restored your vocal cords???? Did you fellate the toy?

I can understand that you were embarassed for yourself, you should have been.....but why for him? He has nothing to be embarassed about. It happens to every man on occasion, even on the first round.....and a truly "loving girlfriend" wouldn't go into orbit over it! She also wouldn't reject his attempt to at least pleasure her! It sounds a bit sociopathic to me......you had/have NO empathy for him or his feelings.....it's all about you!

Your last paragraph is a dead giveaway......YOU initiate all your dates? Why? If you didn't, then it wouldn't happen at all? And now because you're irritated at him for something else, you're not going to initiate again? He might very well be breathing a sigh of relief!

My words of wisdom for you are to look in a mirror, and do a reality check! Mostly on your bizarre behavior. This supposed relationship is NOT all about you. There's another person, a person with feelings, involved here. AuntyEm, you're not in Oz, you're in Kansas, i.e.: the real world.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 07-09-2005 - 7:30am

As an addendum to the other reply (which I agree with, by the way), how old is he and was there any alcohol involved?

As men get older, thier "recovery" period tends to lengthen greatly to the point that men in their forties may be good for only once in 12 hours and in their 50's once in 24-48 hours.

For a younger guy, a couple of drinks can have a similar effect...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sat, 07-09-2005 - 9:19am

I also agree with Greenteabag and it's not unusual for it to happen with round 2 or at times it will happen


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
Sat, 07-09-2005 - 10:17pm

"i wont be intiatiting contact for our next date amd i usually do, "

well, i can bet he will take your non-initiation as retaliation for him not performing. This is the time that you need to initiate "as usual" to reassure him & ensure that he knows you're not treating his "failure" as a big deal.

Believe me lots of guys you boink will sooner or later have a "can't get it up" so YOU might as well learn how to deal with it now without looking like a self-centred bitch.

Big

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2004
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 9:54am

Hi Emily:

"...round two, the little general was out of service..."

Your guy DID have sex the first time; his penis performed! After a guy ejaculates, the male body goes thru a REFRACTORY PERIOD (RP). Each guy's RP is different. After the RP (20 minutes to 24 hours), the guy and his penis will be able to have sex and ejaculate.

Mac

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2004
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 7:41pm

LOL... man I must not have written that very well because you totally missed me on this one.... I couldn't "respond" ie SPEAK because i was too busy MOANING incoherently because he was touching me! I wanted to say it's ok, don't worry about it, but because he immediatly focused on me, I just checked out because it felt so good.I was too aroused to be able to focus on him and his needs, and I felt guilty because i didnt support him how i should have during that 30 second window when he acknowledged the difficlutly.

ok is that more clear?

LOL

Yes, this post is totally about me, because I have not experienced this role before... no, i haven't had a ton of sex, and althought we are together regularly, it's not alot- 1x a week. I've had sex less than 30 times, with 2 partners. With my first partner, we had been drinking and he was up and down and couldn't climax, that's all fine, i've experienced that before, - expereinced being the woman with a man who just wasn't gonna come this time- some girls have hang ups about it, but i know, sometimes, just like women, and especially when alcohol is involved, its just not gonna happen and thats ok!

theres absolutly nothing wrong with using a vibrator.. I dontunderstand your aparant aversion to it- I had already climaxed but again, too much attention and i was just really aroused and couldnt talk- too aroused to speak normally- and he and i have used my vibrator almost since the begining- before we had vaginal intercourse we engaged in oral, and I had never climaxed without a vibrator before so he would give me a turn and then it was BOB's turn, while my bf and i made out and he helped. afterwards this itme he was all giving me a saucy look and teasing me about bob. i didnt want him to feel some obligation to go down on me agian - which he would have- because i was so aroused- so i whipped out my little friend, we made out , and then i could talk again and then awkwardly said it was ok, he could be tired sometimes.

I KNOW he was embarrased becuase of his body language and tone of voice- we were togetehr 6 months before we had sex and now have only been doing it for about 2 months- maybe 6 times? he was self concious about it. i just felt shy ( totally out of the norm for me, LOL)

and outside of the bedroom, FYI this relationship is ALL about him, his schedule, needs work, desire to be "free" etc. I have been working, he and i have been workign together to figure out how to turn this more into a partnership rather than me being some type of chore/toy he sees every once in a while. he is getting better i am proud of him.

all that aside- I was EMBARRASSED and felt INSECURE and SHY and was lookign for some reassurance, thats all...

man i must have written a really bad post for you to misread that, im going to have to read it agian,... ( i am embarassed now, what if all the other posts say the same hting you did?! )

Emily

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2004
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 7:44pm
Well, he doesn't fall into either of those catagories ( and WOW by the way, didnt realize it would be that long one day..!)
He is 25, I am 22. But he is a workalcoholic- 55+ hours a week.... that is probably why. He is tired by the end of the week. I saw him last night, rubbed him back, he was tense.
Too many hours.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2004
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 7:51pm

What oon earth did i put in my post?! Was I HIGH? What the heck...
NONONO i am not withholding sex... maybe not initiating dates or sex so that he will, yes I try, I would really enjoy it if he was more aggressive, and I tell him so, and he gets a big grin when i tell him, but its something that rarely happens without prompting and encouragment... cheering..lol

he intiates sex, just very subtly, so i am not sure if he is just being affecitonate or initaiting. he doesnt initate dates, that i what i meant i am sure. he is always horny. pretty much, i can only think of one time he very sadly ( sad to him) turned me down/ stopped it, he had to go study, he had an erection all the way to his car!

I could nto respond to him TALKING TO ME, because I was TOO TURNED ON!!! (LOL) I mentally checked out! When he said sorry, he was TOUCHING Me, how can I respond to anything requireing my brain when he is touching me! good lord, forget it!! he is so good at everything, nd i try so hard to remember and give him as much attention as he gives me! he is so distracting. tell me can you have a ocnversation while your husband goes down on you or rubs you? if he's doing it right, I THINK NOT!!

(OMG! LOL... darn it, i need to re-read my post!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2004
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 7:56pm
I didnt want to initate a date because i feel like i beg him for attention becaus ei initaite all dates. i didnt want it to look like i had an issue with what happened thats why i mentioned it, because its not that at all. i am just frusrated at other aspectsof our relationship. and also impaitent, i am a planner, he is a fly by the seat kind of guy. so i was trying to hold out and let him ask me out- me doing ALL of the asking makes me feel like he doesnt WANt to see me, do you understand?- i sent him a text, as i said i would, when i got back into town, and the next day he asked me - over text- about my trip, but i still ended up asking him out... :( i waited until late in the afternoon. i am always just afraid if i dont ask, he wont and then i wont see him for another week. if its a sunday he always accepts.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2004
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 7:59pm
I know... I just never had it happen before and I was embarrassed because I hadn't been there before! We waited and mad eout and did other stuff... i was just still embarrassed about my inexperience with the topic,
its funny because except for the first time, we only ever do it once and then thats it, but i know his recovery time can be as low as 10 minutes...!! ( his words, and from before we had sex thats what it was) usually its longer than that, but not by much

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