He doesn't get off during sex- help!
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He doesn't get off during sex- help!
| Sat, 03-10-2007 - 5:54pm |
My BF doesn't get off during sex and I'm not sure if it's a problem with me or him. I'm 22 and until recently, was a virgin. My first time was with him and it was enjoyable for me, however he didn't orgasm. At first he told me that nothing was wrong, he was just tired. But we've had sex a few times now and he has yet to orgasm. I'm starting to wonder if it's me or if it's some other issue with him. Has this ever happened to anyone else? I'm so confused and don't really know what to think. I thought guys never had a problem getting off, especially during intercourse...

Actually it is not infrequent but less common in young men (if he is near your age).
It can be caused by a number of things ... some physiology (and would usually be checked out by a Urologist) or by emotional or psychological causes (usually checked out by a sexual therapist if it continues).
Most likely it is emotional or psychological, unless he has never had an orgasm or it is not a new and temporary condition.
It could have something to do with you, but I would NOT assume that. In most cases it has NOTHING to do with the partner or their sexuality. However, if a guy is trying to have sex just to have sex with a lady that he finds unattractive (why he would is a different issue now) ... that definitely can cause the man an inablitilty to climax. Or if he is depressed or highly stressed or if he is worried about getting caught, or if he is felling real guilty and on and on.
If the sex is very impromptu and hurried ... so he has not had any time to get in the mood or feels pressure, that can do it. For me one sure way to kill a climax for me (and even my intest usually) is to say "about you about to (get off)" ... creating either a lack of interest of the partner or a suggestiong that "I'm tired of this" or "hurry up" can wreck it. I find some women do that when giving oral sex (relatively few, I've had a lot of experiences). A remote comparison: imagine somebody takes you out for nice dinner and he finshes eating and you are about half through and he wipes his hand in napkin and puts in over his plates and asks "are you about ready to go?". How will that candle light dinner end up for you? Similar idea.
If I knew more about you and him I might make suggestions but there are too many unknowns. However, one idea worth trying would be to see if giving him oral sex will cause him to climax. If so, you would know that the physiological (equipment) is probably all ok. Additionally, if you get him to climax that way, you can then try that again another day and start with oral sex and arouse him to near climax and then go to intercourse and see if he will not climax in intercourse. Why might this work? Numerous reasons but briefly: the feeling of oral sex to male can be much different sensation that intercourse and some actually like it better than intercourse (for either physical reasons or psychological reasons) Secondly, it is passive on his part ... he does not have to perform of do anything (if he is having issues over how to perform or perfroming intercourse).
The other consideration is: are you and he engaging in foreplay and kissing sufficiently before intercourse? Normally this is more important to the women (who normally need more of that than males) but it can be important to the male to and could be very important that this guy be highly aroused before any penetration. You can work on that and see and oral sex first is a very effective way to do the pre-penetration arousal for most any man or women, to raise there state of arousal and readiness for intercourse.
I admit I am taking stabs in dark here, but some things to consider. Good luck.
RON
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Thanks so much for the feedback everyone.
I'm not quite sure of his masturbation practices. However, he has gotten off from OS before and as far as I know he's never had a problem getting off during sex before (with other girls)- so I'm pretty sure that it isn't a physical problem. It usually is very hurried and rushed, so that could be part of the problem as well. We don't spend much time beforehand in the ways of foreplay. I will definitely try to initiate more foreplay and see if that makes a difference.