He doesn't get it....
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 08-05-2007 - 10:02am |
My bf is having a hard time understanding me in the bedroom....
I would like some more foreplay... I know guys hate "putting in the time" but I need it most of the time. I need to be eased in and kind of built up a little....It's not always a matter of taking off all our clothes and I am ready to go....there needs to be a little coaxing first.... when I brought this up last week in a subtle way... we were on the couch fooling around.. he goes straight for my shirt... I said hey lets just slow down a little....He says well what do you mean by slow...people have different definitions of slow.....I said I just need to be worked up a little more.....That didn't really work...next thing he was tearing at my clothes again.
And He seems to think that I am done after my first orgasm. But I am not.... I never am.... it's not a "get in get out" situation. The other night he asked me why I couldn't just relax after I cum. He always goes on how horny I am but I really don't think I am abnormally horny.... It's just that usually the first orgasm is a "minor one" and then the next couple become a little more intense....He cums twice and thinks that's it for the night meanwhile I have barely cum once...... Last night he said to me you are always so full of energy after I don't get it... I finally said to him: "Because women have the ability to have multiple orgasms." He still didn't get it. How do I get him to understand that I need a little more than he does.....
How do I get him to slow things down and make them last a little longer?

Here's a link to a great website, www.the-clitoris.com. I recommend that you have him read the information there. It gives a great deal of information about female anatomy and sexual response. You could also try giving him a book.
Whatever you decide, you shouldn't give up and quit talking to him. Maybe he's not hearing you correctly, but he'll never hear you if you just stop talking, KWIM? Here are a couple of links that you might also find helpful:
Speak Up! Ask Him for What You Want
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscommunicate/0,,7ffztdxn,00.html
How can I get my guy to listen?
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscommunicate/0,,guystellall_9nmljwsn,00.html
Get Through to Your Man: 5 Tips for Better Communication
http://love.ivillage.com/lnm/lnmgetcloser/0,,84s,00.html
You can't "get him" to do anything that he doesn't want to do....and it seems like he doesn't want to do what you need. Maybe someday when he grows up he'll come to realize that it's not the destination that's important, it's the journey getting there!
The best lovers in the world are the ones who truly get pleasure from GIVING pleasure...and they know it will be returned to them tenfold. The object of sex is NOT to have orgasms....it's to have pleasure, to enjoy sharing the love and intimacy... and when there's enough pleasure the orgasms will happen....
Sometimes "quickies" are fun.......but if that's all you get, it's nothing but selfish on his part, simple lack of interest in YOUR needs. He's getting what he wants, and he doesn't care that you're not.
Have him check out that website, and MAYBE he'll get a clue!
Sit him down and tell him what turns you on. He probably thinks touching your erogenous zones will turn you on, because that's what would turn him on. It took me a long time to understand that that doesn't necessarily work for a woman, at least in the early stages of arousal. You have to tell him what does get you going or he will never get it. Of course, to do that, you will have to think about what DOES turn you on so you can articulate it to him clearly.
Good luck!
FB