He doesn't last and I cant cum

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2007
He doesn't last and I cant cum
2
Mon, 05-07-2007 - 2:29am
Hello!! I don't know where else to turn. I've been with my boyfriend for 4 wonderful years. The past 8 months its been horrible, its been a roller coaster ride. Last year, around October he began acting very unlike him... Aggressive, mean, and dry. We would always fight almost every weekend which is unlike us. I do things and schedule my days around him and he was accusing me of not loving him and that I wasn't doing enough. When I would try to see him or I wanted hang out with him, he always wanted to stay home and play games. By the way, I am 21 he is 20, I am older for 4 months, I know we are youngs. But its very hard to throw these away. Anyways, He would make me cry all the time, in my house, work, & school. Around November for the first time ever, somebody else got my attention. A guy I've known for awhile but never pay attention because I have a boyfriend. Well he was the one who made me feel good when I came crying to work. First time I looked the other way. We kissed few times and that's been it.... problem is I never felt guilty because if my boyfriend would have never treated me like that I dont think this would have happen. My bf and I took a break for a week, and we got back together. Now, I wished I would've waited longer. The hardest thing about the break is was the fact that I didn't wanted to hurt is feelings. But after all those problems, it made me feel like there's somebody out there. I used to think we were going to do the whole nine yards but not since January when he accused me of alot things that hurt my feelings so much. The point is we are still together, things are so much better, we've spoke and on that break he realize he did messed up; his trying to fix everything and being more opened minded. Which he is.... But lately, he cums way too fast, in like 2 minutes and I can't cum. NOT KIDDING!! The longest his gone is maybe 10 minutes but thats been after I told him I can't cum. Lately, its really hard for me to orgasm. Is there something wrong with me? Should I buy some lubricant? He has never masturbated will that be the cause why he can't last more that 5 minutes at least? Problem is, I love him to death but I don't think he turns me on as much as he used to after hurting my feelings. The other guy, which we are really good friends but nothing has happened turns me on so quickly. I see him and I get wet. I feel guilty for liking somebody else when you are in a relationship but not guilty for being attractive to him. I'm just afraid of karma, because my bf been trying a lot lately.... but maybe it was too late. Please I need help. I dont know what else to do, the sex is not as intensive like it used to. Why is he coming so fasr and why can't I cum? I dont know where else to turn... Please give me you recommendation and advice.I greatly appreciate this. Thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Mon, 05-07-2007 - 8:24am

Welcome to the board jin08.

It sounds like you have some baggage in your relationship. I think the two of you need to find a way to communicate -- sit down outside of the bedroom and have a long talk about what is going on between you. It's great that your BF is trying, but if it's not working, then the attempts need to change.

He can learn to control his ejaculation more using the start top method. Once he feels the intensity building, he just stops momentarily and starts after the feeling passes. Also, you can concentrate on having at least one orgasm during foreplay -- that way, you are not as disappointed if he doesn't last.

You don't want to make him feel guilty about what is going on, rather a problem that the two of you need to fix. If he feels guilty, that's going to be going on in his head when you are together, making a no-win situation for either of you.

Also, you need to focus on getting your relationship healthy. It sounds like this guy at work has your attention because he has shown you some kindness. Perhaps you are more attracted to him because things are not going right in your relationship, but you need to try to avoid situations that make you think of him in a sexual way. If you want your relationship (with your BF) to work, then you have to give it 100%+.

Your orgasm is also greatly affected by your brain. So, if you're not into the event, that will put a damper on things too.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Mon, 05-07-2007 - 9:31am

More often than not, sexual problems are a reflection of other problems in the relationship. You've had a rocky relationship for a long time! You two are young, and you were only 16 when you started. At 16, you have NO idea what you want in life. Instead of worrying about the time you've already invested in your relationship, think about the fact that you're generally not happy in the relationship. If you were happy, you wouldn't look at other guys, or be attracted to other guys. That's not to say that this other guy is right for you...but it says that maybe your b/f is NOT right for you.

It would be a shame to "waste" 4 years of your life, but it would be an even BIGGER shame to waste more years, trying to "make it work". Being attracted to another guy is NOT a reason to end a relationship......but being unhappy IS a reason to end it. Stop worrying about hurting HIS feelings......it doesn't bother him to hurt your feelings! He's responsible for his own feelings, and if he's hurt, he'll survive.....just as you do.

The only person's feelings you have to worry about are yours. If you're not happy, and haven't BEEN happy in a long time, then the relationship is wrong for you. He might try to change, but he'll always revert to the same behavior in the end. Is that what you want to live with for the rest of your life?

As the old Kenny Rogers song says: You have to know when to hold 'em, and know when to fold 'em. It sounds like maybe it's time to fold the relationship. You are still very young, and you don't have a clue what's out there in the world. Good relationships make you happy, not unhappy. Good Luck.