He doesn't last long

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2007
He doesn't last long
8
Wed, 04-18-2007 - 10:02am

Hi~
My fiance (we've been together almost 9 years)does not last long in bed.....
Never has. We don't have sex as often as I'd like - we take turns really. When I want it - he doesn't - and when he wants it - I don't.

Anyway - so we might have sex once a week or once every two weeks but he doesn't last long at all. He gets mad at himself too......He doesn't have a problem getting hard.....he just gets off really fast. Like an 18 year old - and we're 29 - been together since we were 20 or 21 -

Any suggestions?

Kim

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Wed, 04-18-2007 - 1:48pm

He CAN learn to control it. It takes time and practice.....he just stops when he feels he's going to let go, and gets himself under control before he starts again, a minute or two. He may have to do that several times in the beginning, but eventually he'll be able to do it without stopping at all. He's probably not interested because it embarasses him. He also needs to understand that he can give you enough pleasure during foreplay, including orgasms, that it really doesn't matter to YOU if he doesn't last a long time. More foreplay might also distract him so that he wouldn't finish so fast.

You two need to talk. Avoiding the question isn't going to solve it. You've been together plenty of time, certainly long enough to be able to discuss ANYTHING, including sex. Work out a compromise so you can both be happy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Wed, 04-18-2007 - 5:24pm

Hi Kim,

Sounds like he is suffering from Premature Ejaculation (PE). There are new topical treatments that you can look into, and the old "start-stop" method will help him to retrain himself. Here are a couple of articles that you might find helpful:

"My guy suffers from premature ejaculation"
http://magazines.ivillage.com/cosmopolitan/experts/sexexpert/qas/0,,696792_705900,00.html
**Written by Ian Kerner who has overcome this himself.

Topical Spray May Treat Premature Ejaculation
http://health.ivillage.com/familycare/familycarenews/0,,wbnews_b6kgfrnk,00.html

Sex: Coping with Husband's Premature Ejaculation
http://health.ivillage.com/sexualhealth/sxcommunicate/0,,6gtv,00.html

Have the two of you thought about having a date night (with sex) to help you match your libidos up a bit? It doesn't sound very romantic, but many couples have found it helpful getting their sex life on track.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2007
Sun, 04-22-2007 - 8:37pm

There are many methods for him to learn to control ejaculation. And, contrary to popular belief, he can even learn to have multiple orgasms just like a woman so that he never has to stop, with or without ejaculation.

From PC muscle exercises to stop n' start techniques (which aren't as effective in my opinion as PC exercises) - there is *so* much he can do, and not only does it not take long to learn to be able to go as long as you *want* to, it is extremely fun to practice :)

I can elaborate on this if you'd like. Being able to last as long as you *want* to is possible to learn at any age. :)

-Temujin

There is a drastic difference between setting out to be the best you can be and setting out to be the best anyone can be. The former only creates

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2004
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 5:17am
"Being able to last as long as you *want* to is possible to learn at any age." I would like to know further about this matter. Can you elaborate further on this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2007
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 9:01am

Yes, I sure can :) Give me a couple hours to get my sick kiddo to sleep and taken care of and I'll write a detailed post.


-Temujin

There is a drastic difference between setting out to be the best you can be and setting out

There is a drastic difference between setting out to be the best you can be and setting out to be the best anyone can be. The former only creates

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2006
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 3:39pm

I'm almost sure the problem is not enough sex! When DH and I go for
a wk without sex. He can't last long. When we have sex every other day
or at least 3 times a wk. He can last as long as I need him to.
I recommend more sex!! lol.

I'm serious
Kareese

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2007
Sat, 04-28-2007 - 12:22pm
Amen to more sex! I agree - I have noticed that an increase in the frequency of our sex sessions (a.k.a. "practice") makes a HUGE difference in the "staying power" of each session. Among the other previous suggestions - I also recommend getting down to it at least a few times a week. Once a week or less just does not help the cause! ;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Sat, 04-28-2007 - 4:16pm

Welcome to the board falcon_33. It's nice to see that you are enthusiastic about your practice sessions ;-)

Thanks for joining in.



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