he doesn't want it enough
Find a Conversation
he doesn't want it enough
| Wed, 07-04-2007 - 8:18pm |
My BF doesn't seem to want sex as much as I do, and I am always the one who initiates it. How do I get him to do that. I have told him that I would like him to.

Everyone has a different "libido". If his isn't as high as yours, then the two of you have to compromise. If twice a month is enough for him, and you want it twice a day.....it's not going to work. If you can sit down and talk about it, OUT of the bedroom.....you need to find a compromise that's acceptable to both of you. Something like 2-3 times a week.
In the meantime, if he won't "initiate" anything, then why don't you stop doing it and see what happens? Maybe he'd appreciate it more if he had to work for it.
If nothing helps, or nothing can be worked out so that you're both happy......then he's not the b/f for you.
Welcome to the board neat58.
While couples often have mismatched libidos, they can usually reach a compromise that works for both of them. Communicating with him about your wants and needs is the most effective way to improve the situation. It will also help with sharing the initiation. Here are some articles that you might find helpful:
Speak Up! Ask Him for What You Want
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscommunicate/0,,7ffztdxn,00.html
How can I get my guy to listen?
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscommunicate/0,,guystellall_9nmljwsn,00.html
5 Secrets of Getting a Man to Open Up
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscommunicate/0,,saver_79jcxw99,00.html
30 Days of Great Sex
Step 4: Talk About Sex
http://love.ivillage.com/lnm/lnmgetcloser/0,,nr21,00.html
Solutions to Your Top Two Communication Problems
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscommunicate/0,,saver_7p3g,00.html
3 Communication Pitfalls to Avoid
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscommunicate/0,,7mcw,00.html
Make sure that you talk about things outside of the bedroom, and begin your sentences with words like "I feel" instead of "You don't". Sometimes it's also helpful to ask him how he feels about your sex life and give him a chance to respond.
Let us know how things go.
Connect With Me
Making a Second Marriage Work
my partner in the siggy exchange
It's been my experience that that almost never works. The LL person just assumes that the HL person has accepted things the way they are, and is quite happy not to have to have sex so often.
I totally agree that it doesn't usually work......and it's also very childish. It's kind of like I won't do it for you if you won't do it for me.
However, sometimes it's just worth trying to SEE what will happen, or see how long it takes him.....so that you have "facts" to discuss......if you're ever able to discuss it.