Is he GAY??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Is he GAY??
36
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 9:10am

Ok, first of all, WARNING: this is probably going to be a little graphic.

Men, especially, I need YOUR opinion, PLEASE!!!

Ok, the other night when my bf and I were fooling around, we got to talking about threesomes. (just doing some dirty talk at first).

Well, he asked if I would ever be in to the whole two-girl thing, and I told him only if we get to do the two-guy thing.
Neither of us would actually do a threesome, but we just dirty talk each other sometimes about it.

Well, when we were talking about two-guys, he was saying he wouldn't want the other guy to have sex with me, etc. He then started mentioning something about me getting a strap-on dildo for HIM and that it can be very pleasurable for a man, but he has never done it. I guess he would want me to get a strap on and stick it in his a**?? (sorry, I told you it would be graphic)

Well, then, after he mentioned that, I asked him if he would do anything with the other guy if we had a two-guy threesome. He said he would probably let the other guy "suck him off" (blow job) because he didn't think it would be any different than a man doing it, and I was appaled, but didn't act it. I asked him then if he would have anal sex with the guy or if he would let the guy have anal sex to him? And he said YES PROBABLY!!!!

GROSS!

I asked him if he was serious, he said yes, and I asked if it would make him feel gay and he said, "no, it's pretty much the same thing". So he thinks its the same, and no big deal? He said he wouldn't kiss the guy, but still!

Should I be worried about this?? I would THINK it was just dirty talk, but then the next day, when nothing sexual was happening, I asked him if he really would do all that, and he said, "I probably would, if you wanted me to."

Guys, is he GAY??? I've always thought of him as a "manly man". And he seems VERY interested in women. Is he bi? If so, is there a way to find out for sure?? I am just very worried and freaked out by this now. Now, I don't have to worry about other WOMEN, but other MEN!!!!!

Please help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
In reply to: jkp72004
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 8:19am

First and foremost, same sex sexual contact isn't "gross". It just isn't heterosexual.


Second, many perfectly normal heterosexual men enjoy anal stimulation, and lots of wives and girlfriends enjoy using fingers, vibrators, dildos, and /or strap ons to give it to them. Read this board for examples.


Third, according to your post, you were fantasizing together, and

--


martinisnsushi - the two most important food groups!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
In reply to: jkp72004
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 10:05am

I think women are beautiful and attractive, but the thought of having sex with them makes me ill. I'm just not sexually attracted to them in the least bit. I have NEVER even fantasized about it.

"Finally, studies show that very few people are completely heterosexual or completely homosexual. The vast majority of us are at least a little bit bisexual, even if only in the passing fantasy."

I'd like to see some of those studies...because I'm not in the vast majority and neither are any of my friends or my husband. None of us have ANY attraction at all to the same sex.




Edited 5/11/2005 3:38 pm ET ET by rain_dancer_iam
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
In reply to: jkp72004
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 10:29am

I think women are beautiful and attractive, but the thought of having sex with them makes me ill. I'm just not sexually attracted to them in the least bit. I have NEVER even fantasized about it.


Makes you ill...,really? That's a pretty strong reaction, don't you think?


"Finally, studies show that very few people are completely heterosexual or completely homosexual. The vast majority of us are at least a little bit bisexual, even if only in the passing fantasy."


I'd like to see some of those studies...because I'm not in the vast majority and neither are any of my friends or my husband. We all don't have ANY attraction at all to the same sex.


Putting aside the fact that you likely don't know the private thoughts of all of your frinds and your husband, you can start with the Kinsey studies, and move forward. You might also google homoerotic response and homophobia. You might also google bisexuality and see what you come up with.


--


martinisnsushi - the two most important food groups!

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jkp72004
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 10:40am

I agree Rain. While the thought of sex with another woman doesn't make me ill, it just illicits no reaction from me. Like you, women have never played a role in my arousal process, much less my fantasies.

I appreciate why men are turned on by women, and I also appreciate the sensuality and beauty of the fairer sex, but sexually, I need the opposite sex to be aroused and fulfilled.

I've had opportunities to experiment, if I so chose, but why do something that doesn't interest me?

Perhaps, there's a need to justify or legitimize one's own behavior and choices by proclaiming that it must be a common thought or practice for everyone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
In reply to: jkp72004
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 10:48am

Maybe I wouldn't get sick, but that's how strongly I feel about it.

When we discussed it, it was with the underlying "we're all probably bi to some extent" so I see no reason to lie. I myself have no interest whatsoever in the same sex, so I have to believe my husband and my close friends when they say they don't as well. Not the majority in our case.

Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2004
In reply to: jkp72004
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 11:30am
There has been studies done that show that the Kinsey reports are not reliable and made more to go with his own beliefs.
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2005
In reply to: jkp72004
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 11:42am

Well, by your definition: I'm gay.

Damn, now I can't donate blood :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
In reply to: jkp72004
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 1:29pm

Perhaps, there's a need to justify or legitimize one's own behavior and choices by proclaiming that it must be a common thought or practice for everyone?


Or perhaps 100 years of medical, psychological, and psychiatric studies have shown us that sexuality doesn't fall into discrete categories, but rather runs along a spectrum, so we can assume that we have a pretty good handle on the issue. And note that "being a little bit bi" doesn't mean that you're ready to hop into bed with someone. Sexuality is far more subtle than that.

--


martinisnsushi - living the good life since 1963


CL Redbook "Get Inside His Head"

--


martinisnsushi - the two most important food groups!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
In reply to: jkp72004
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 1:34pm

Kinsey's's critics have claimed that some of his numbers were off, but the basic concepts are completely sound, and have been the cornerstone for sexual studies for the past 60 years. Also, Kinsey didn't pop up out of a vacuum, nor is he the only person to posit the notion of sexuality as a continuum. The simple fact is that sexuality isn't as simple as gay/straight/bi, pick one.


Consider recent studies that show reaction to homoerotic imagery is positively correlated with homophobic behavior. Clearly, the subjects of these studies didn't have a sexual orientation that fell very clearly in the straight/gay divide.

--


martinisnsushi - living the good life since 1963


CL Redbook "Get Inside His Head"

--


martinisnsushi - the two most important food groups!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
In reply to: jkp72004
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 2:06pm
I could have a naked woman in front of me masturbating and it does nothing at all to my body. Change the sex and I'm a goner. ;-) Why is it so difficult for people to believe that someone could be 100% hetero. tee hee
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )