He only wants oral...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2006
He only wants oral...
4
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 12:20pm
Hi all, I'm 39 bf is 34, weve been dating for 3 years (no talk of future, barely an "i love you") anyway every weekend I drive 50+ miles and spend Fri till Sun with him - I love the companionship however, it seems like a ritual on Fri. nite I orally please him and on Sat. nite we have intercouse (in 3 years he maybe oral pleased me 4 times) -- am i making an issue out of this or is it not much of a big deal?? maybe it is because I have gained a lil weight, dont wear sexy type of clothes & heels- I'm not quite sure but at times I feel like I'm being used, this past weekend I really didn't want to do our "fri. nite" ritual, but I did and come Sat. nite - he did apologize to me, but quickly feel asleep, once again I drove home Sun feeling a bit used
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 2:30pm

If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it's a duck. If you're feeling used, then you're being used.

It's not like he ONLY wants oral.....because you do have intercourse too, but I think part of your problem is that he's not giving YOU oral.....and you feel that you're missing something......and if you enjoy oral, then you ARE missing what you want.

Have you talked to him about it? You describe this in a way that sounds like a FWB, but you're doing ALL the work. Why doesn't he drive to where YOU are sometimes? In any kind of relationship, whether one with a future, or one without.....there needs to be communication, and there needs to be satisfaction on both sides. If there's not, then yes, you're being used. It sounds as though you're putting yourself out every weekend to service him....

Tell him what you want. Tell him you're tired of the "set" routine. How about intercourse on Friday, and oral on Saturday, and that means for BOTH of you. Sex isn't supposed to be a routine...it's supposed to be fun....it's supposed to be spontaneous!

It's not supposed to be about your weight, or what kind of clothes you wear, either. Unless he's ASKED you to wear fancy lingerie or that kind of thing. Most guys, if the truth be known, don't care WHAT you wear, as long as it's coming off fast enough. You're being too self-sacrificing......in other words, you don't have enough self-esteem to ask for and GET what you want from this relationship. If you're not happy with it, and he won't change (of course he'll NEVER change unless you ask him to!) then why bother going thru all of it? There's no future, you're not happy, fix it or end it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2006
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 3:13pm
well said - thank you dakine!!
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 3:13pm

I agree with dakine. If you are feeling used, then you are being used. Just don't continue denying it to yourself.

If a relationship isn't satisfactorarily meeting BOTH person's needs then what's the point? Find someone closer to home who cares more about pleasing YOU.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2005
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 7:01pm

Julie,


I agree with the gals. If you have tried, but can't get your needs met with your BF, then try looking elsewhere. I always suggest discussing it beforehand to see if it can be worked out. Three years is a while to give up on.


But if you've already