he is selfish in bed!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
he is selfish in bed!
8
Mon, 07-04-2005 - 11:08am

Hey everyone

I dont know how to exactly explain my situation.. but here goes..
Ive met the man of my dreams about 2 1/2 years ago... and things between us are amazing!!! most of the time...
We have so much passion between us in bed.. but he's never ever given me an orgasm. Most of the time i dont care because like i said.. its a lot of passion and it still feels good.. but after 2 1/2 years.. it bothers me that he still hasnt discovered how to really turn me on. I've talked to him about this ... and he always says he'll try.. but when it comes down to making out.. he always just goes for sex and nothing else. The only time ive had an orgasm around him is if I do it myself or use a toy of somesort! Lately its been a bigger problem cause i've been really dry, and sex actually hurts now if we dont have more foreplay. I don't know what to do... can anyone help??

thank you

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 07-04-2005 - 11:57am

He cannot *make* you have an orgasm no more than you can *make* him have one.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Mon, 07-04-2005 - 12:12pm

Thank you for your reply

I have tried to show him, and talk to him, but what he tends to do is when it comes time for sex, if I am not arroused or ready.. he just stops altogether. He just figures im not in the mood. Then when I tell him that I just need a little foreplay, and that im not quite ready for penetration, he doesn't really do anything about it. He just waits for the next time to have sex. Its more like he doesnt care to find out what gets me going at all. any other suggestions?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 07-04-2005 - 12:32pm
It sounds like your guy doesn't know to much about the female body and

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for nodinero
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Mon, 07-04-2005 - 12:41pm

I would suggest that you use some lubrication before you start having foreplay. It really does add to the pleasure. I stopped getting as wet as I used to be after having kids. I tried some ky one night and the rest is history. My dh loves it too, with a good hand job. I think it would help in your case a lot because it would intensify the experience for both of you.


I agree that it sounds as though your bf doens't quite understand the dynamics of the female body. I often make my dh read articles or I give him the highlights of things I read. Get a cosmo magazine and leave it in the bathroom for your bf (if he's like my dh, he spends a good amount of time in there) LOL! Seriously though, my dh would read some articles on his own and ask me my opinion and/or if I wanted to try stuff. It worked great!

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2005
Mon, 07-04-2005 - 1:00pm

hi hun
i have had my fair share of having to please myself, the thing with men is they dont really like to be told their not doing it right, that will be why he stops altogether when u say anything,and once men get going they are selfish they want to be pleased and sometimes forget that there is another person laying beneath them, what i found to be really good is think exactly about what u like and what you know will turn you on and then write an indepth e-mail or write a letter with what you want him to do step by step but make sure you add some stuff in there that is going to drive him wild,
another that i know works is making it into a game to see who can make the other orgasm first, no man can walk away from a challenge and they hate to loose.

hope you get what u want eventually

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 07-04-2005 - 1:30pm
That might be true for *some* men but not all men are like that.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2005
Mon, 07-04-2005 - 3:17pm
You're man sounds selfish. If he's not even trying to help you along after you've said so that's sad. I hope it works itself out after you guys get talking about it (more) but otherwise you're putting yourself out there further than he is and that's not what sex in a loving relationship is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Mon, 07-04-2005 - 4:01pm

When I read your first post......I said to myself, no, he's not selfish.....Even the best lover in the world can't "give" you an orgasm, that has to come from you.

However, after reading the second post....I have to agree, yes he's selfish, or possibly he just doesn't understand how a woman's body works, or a combination of the two.

It sounds like to him, foreplay is a chore, something to do quickly, and then get on to what HE wants...intercourse. If you're not climbing the walls after a few minutes, he just gives up. That's too bad. If he had the right attitude, he would enjoy the foreplay as much as you do. The best lovers I've ever been with TRULY enjoyed the foreplay, sometimes to the point where I would tell them enough already! He needs an attitude adjusment, as well as some understanding of what YOU need. Make sure he reads that website that Tish gave you.

Keep talking........until it sinks in.