He wants it toooooo much!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2005
He wants it toooooo much!
6
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 11:09pm

Is there such a thing as wanting it too much? My DH is constantly wanting to slip in the bedroom at all times of the day. We have a 8 yr old and a 16 mos old. IT"S NOT POSSIBLE ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have no desire what so ever. If I dont give it to him every other day he is grumpy and bugs me even more about it. He tells me all the time to be spontanious. I am not like that anymore-maybe 10 years ago but not after 2 kids and 2 major surgeries in the last 2 years. I am tired and want my sleep!! I was wondering if this is normal? Or maybe I'm just ranting. Any-Who..... Thanks

TateBrayden.jpg

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 11:43pm

Doesn't your husband work? How does he have the time to be so demanding, and then be so grumpy if he doesn't get his way?

You two have to talk, OUT of the bedroom, and come to a compromise. Even if you have to make an appointment with each other. He can't expect you to be full of energy all the time if you're taking care of two kids.....and do you work outside the home? If so, during your talk, you might mention to him that you'd have MORE energy if he'd help out some instead of trying to drag you to the bedroom.

Even if you don't work outside the home, it wouldn't hurt him to help a little around the house, and maybe take the baby off your hands so you can get a nap earlier in the evening, then when the baby is in bed, you'll be more interested.

Compromise......that's the name of the game. Above all, you can't shut him out entirely......he was your husband before you were a mother, and one day your kids will be gone....and you'll be strangers to each other. Even with kids, you have to work on keeping the "romance" alive.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Sat, 06-30-2007 - 8:49am

Welcome to the board tlc51899.

I think many of us have been exactly where you are! It's very difficult to balance being a mom and a wife. Being a mom is a very demanding job, and at the end of the day, it's difficult to shift focus. Believe me, I've BTDT.

Many couples schedule sex. While this might sound boring, it actually can keep the spark alive. Also, it keeps one partner from "bugging" the other about it. You both know what to expect and can look forward to it. Usually, the better you connect as a couple, the more you will want to connect, so it's a win-win situation.

How is your DH about helping out with the kids and around the house? It's also more likely that you'll want to be intimate if you feel like a woman -- a sexy woman! Have him help you make sure you have some time to pamper yourself. It might be a trip to get a new piece of lingerie, or it might be soaking in a tub ... mix it up and be sure you feel good about yourself in the end.

While being spontaneous and having sex anywhere, anytime is a great deal of fun, it's not always practical. Life does get in the way ;-) Changing your focus to the quality of sex instead of the quantity of sex can often keep your sex life charged in a very positive way. Try to think of things that can help you spice up the time that you do have together by taking more initiative yourself. Be sure that when you are having sex, you have taken the time to give 100% of yourself to that time -- no outside thoughts of kids and such. One thing that turns men on and helps to keep them satisfied is knowing you really want to be there, having sex with him.

Here are a couple of articles that you might also find helpful:

Recharge Your Relationship in One Weekend
http://love.ivillage.com/lnm/lnmgetcloser/0,,traceycox_9g1dp3qn,00.html

Where Did Our Sex Life Go?
http://www.redbookmag.com/love/where-did-ll

Sex: What Men Really Want at 25, 35, 45
http://www.redbookmag.com/532214



Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket





my partner in the siggy exchange






iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2005
Sat, 06-30-2007 - 8:54am
He drives a truck. He is usually home about everyother nite. We have tried talking about this and he just sulks up and doesnt talk. It seems in his mind that he is neglected in this area for some reason. I am SAHM and when I did work he didnt get it very much. Maybe 1-2 a week. He gets it now at least everyother day if not everyday and it still doesnt seem enough to him. He is getting

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Sat, 06-30-2007 - 9:56am

A good part of the "sex drive" is in the mind.....and he can change that if he wants to. You have two children running around, and even if you wanted to......flashing/wearing provocative clothing is not something you need or want to be doing.

As Misty suggested, talk to him about "scheduling" some alone time. Maybe even see if you can get Grandma or someone to take the kids overnight occasionally to give you two some alone time. But, like it or not, your husband has to realize that he does have two kids, and sometimes THEY are the priority.

Would he be open to counselling? That might help him to hear some of this from an unbiased third party.

Bottom line, there has to be some kind of compromise that can make you both happy, but you have to talk to be able to find that compromise. Inform him that sulking doesn't change things......talking them out helps.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Sat, 06-30-2007 - 10:06am
There are more than a few of us out there who wish there was a magic pill that would increase our partner's sex drive. Although, honestly, I don't see what your husband is complaining about. I would be in heaven if I was getting it every other day.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2005
Sun, 07-01-2007 - 8:20am
Thanks so much for your advise. I will try talking to him and see how that goes. Maybe we can set up a "date" or something. Take care.

Braydens allergies: trees, grass, mites, wheat, corn, egg whites, potatos, oranges, and bananas.TateBrayden.jpg