He wants Sex 24-7

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2005
He wants Sex 24-7
5
Mon, 01-03-2005 - 12:02pm

Hi, everyone. I know my problem will seem to many of you not a problem at all, but it is something that is making reconsider my relationship and whether or not this is the person I should be with. Here it is. My bf and I have been in a long distance relationship for a year. (we have been dating for almost 3). The problem is that when I see him he wants to have sex all the time. It seems that when we are together we are either eating or having sex. I know sex is important, but there are other things that I miss from our relationship and I would like to do when I see him. I also agree when he says “we have to make up” for the time we are not together, but this doesn’t mean that we have to spend all the time having sex.

I usually see him twice a month for three days each time. I think that sex once a day (at most twice a day) for three consecutive days is more than enough. . But he doesn’t think so. He wants to do it morning, afternoon, evening and in the middle of the night. And this is no just a quickie, it is a marathon. It has gotten to a point that I no longer want to have sex.

I have explained to him that I am not made of plastic and that too many times in such a short period of time hurts. I have suggested that if he wants to do it several times a day then we should have quickies. If he wants a marathon then, we should only do it no more than twice a day. I have also explained to him that sometimes he doesn’t even wait until I have the desire to have sex with him again. Is like eating and right after you eat you are offered food again without waiting until you get hungry. Previously, I tried to satisfy him with oral sex if I was already satisfied, but he gets upset because I don’t want to have intercourse.

As a result of this problem, I now get very anxious and sometimes scared when I know I’m going to see him. I shouldn’t be anxious or scared to see my boyfriend or to spend time alone with him. This is really bothering me to a point that the last times I had sex with him I did not “feel” anything. I don’t know what to do.

Finally, the second problem is that he wants to have sex in the middle of the night every time I see him. It’s not like we don’t have sex before going to sleep. I don’t understand if we go to sleep at 1:00 a.m. after making love for an hour or longer, why does he have to wake me up at 3:00 a.m. again. Can he just wait until the morning? He says, he does not know of any woman, but me, who doesn’t like to be woken up in the middle of the night to have sex. I have a hard time falling asleep again after having sex. I tell him, I don’t mind early in the morning if I don’t have to go back to sleep. We have had serious problems because of this. By the way I’m 30, he is 28.

Please give me your opinion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 01-03-2005 - 1:40pm
If you don't want to do it that often, then

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-03-2005 - 2:07pm

There are other ways to "have sex" besides intercourse. Offer a hand job or BJ instead. Many men tend to express their affection through sexual contact and it's time to help him learn to express it through closeness, emotional intimacy and non-sexual touching. Most of us really need those things to feel valued and loved by our partners.

And you need to be more assertive about your feelings, then try and find a compromise you both can live with. And don't give in simply because he may pressure you, subtley or otherwise. Once you do, he'll continue to use that method to get his way. No woman wants to feel as if she's only important to her partner for sex only. I'm sure he doesn't mean to make you feel that way, but the result is the same if you aren't getting your other needs met when you're together.

Be honest about how this is affecting your sexual desire and feelings toward him. I'm sure once he realizes how negative you're beginning to feel, then he'll be more willing to compromise.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Mon, 01-03-2005 - 3:13pm

I can understand that he's trying to "make up for lost time"....but he's gotten carried away. You need to assert yourself, and just say NO! You've told him how you feel, and he ignores you.....which says he doesn't care too much about YOUR feelings.....just his needs, and those needs are a bit much!

Explain to him once and for all.....that it's TOO much, and you're NOT going to do it. Also explain that you miss doing OTHER things with him, too. If he can't or won't understand your reasons, then maybe it's a good thing you're seeing this side of him NOW....before it's too late.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2004
Tue, 01-04-2005 - 12:08am
Sometimes I wish I had your problem :) But, since I don't, here's another point of view: If it's non-sexual affection your looking for, appoint certain times of the day where you talk one on one, not about sex, but about work and other things going on in your lives. If he doesn't get the point that you don't want to have sex three times a day, and would like a more slower pace relationship, then he's not worth your time. A man that uses a woman for his pleasure, and not hers is not worthy of anyone's affection.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2005
Tue, 01-04-2005 - 11:47am
Thank you all for your advice, I will definitely learn to say no when I want to say it