He watches porn while I'm asleep..

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2014
He watches porn while I'm asleep..
3
Mon, 01-06-2014 - 1:16pm

Hello. I am 40 and he is 45. I found out about his secret fetish last year after we were married. Of course he never told me his fetish. I found out on my own in my own way. I've tried to get him to talk about his wants/needs/fetish or anything sexual but he seems to be too embarassed. So, I didn't like it but I let it go and just said to myself "I'll just let him have his secret little fetish if it makes him happy". As long as he is not hurting anyone and involved with real people on line. Moving on..

I am no way against porn. I watch it myself. I didn't mind it when my ex husband watched it. But the difference is I knew exactly what my husband liked to watch and he tried everything with me and was very open. My current husband is in his own little world. Again, I'm assuming that he is too embarassed to share it with me.I've tried to get him to talk but he just wont.

So now that I know his fetish, I found out that he purchases clips from a web site and watches them when I'm sleeping. Or when I go out of the house. It has affectied me to the point where I can't fall asleep because I know what he is doing in the other room. It's actually making me feel ill. I also don't want to leave the house becuse I know what he is going to do. Why can't I stand that he watches it? I never had a problem with porn. Maybe it's because he is so secretive? But my health is now involved if I can't sleep because of it. I have overwhelming thoughts of him watching his fetish stuff and masturbating to it while I'm trying to sleep and it makes me toss and turn. It makes me get up out of bed to see what he is doing. I hate feeling like this.

How can I just sleep and not think about it? Am I making a  mountain out of a molehill here?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2002
Mon, 01-06-2014 - 3:50pm
You need to talk to your husband about his porn and his fetish. It is coming between the two of you and bothering you. Whether or not he needs to change his habit or share it with you, I don't know. I am concerned about you thinking that he is using porn to relieve his sexual needs rather than coming to you for that and if he is indeed doing that, he is also depriving you in that area. It is time to talk to him in a non-accusatory way. CH
Avatar for slah54
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2012
Wed, 01-08-2014 - 12:00pm

If you can't sleep and are getting up to see what he is doing, why not just join him if you find him watching porn.  Offer him a hand job or blow job while he is watching.  Don't say a word, just go in and take over what he's doing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2014
Fri, 01-17-2014 - 5:47pm

It totally warrants having a discussion about it with him. If you are that bothered by him watching porn by himself, then you can't let this fester and get worse for you. Also- if he is buying alot of porn, and you don't have the financial means for it, thats a whole seperate issue. I, personally, see nothing wrong with him watching porn by himself, unless he is substituting it for a real sex life. However, if you can afford it, and he is still intimate with you, then let him enjoy his porn ;) Just talk to him about it.