He won't give ME sex
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He won't give ME sex
| Wed, 03-22-2006 - 8:43am |
I have been with my fiancee for over a year now. We're engaged to be married on July 5, 2006. But we haven't had sex in almost 2 months. He says it's not that he doesn't want to.. he's just tired. I'm always scared to come on to him. I'm afraid he's going to reject me and then it will end up in an arguement. We're getting ready to get married and we need to solve this problem.. sex is VERY important in a relationship. When we do have sex it's like I'm almost embarassed because I'm not comfortable with him anymore because we never do it!! Help!

I would DEFINITELY put off that wedding date, until your problem is solved. It's NOT going to get better just because you get married. It will get worse.
Everyone is tired. That's not an excuse to avoid sex. There is something else going on, and if he won't talk about it, it's not going to get fixed. He could very well be having second thoughts about the marriage.
Tell him the wedding is off unless he's willing to go to some pre-marital counselling. If he won't talk to you, he needs to talk to SOMEONE.
This isn't about sex.
I agree with Dakine, this has to be resolved before any wedding.
I don't get it. Two nights in a row you're giving him oral sex, because you're on your period. If he doesn't want sex with you, WHY are you "servicing" him? What has having your period got to do with it? He hasn't given you sex in two months! Have you had your period for two months?
I don't believe in holding back normally, but that makes no sense. He says he's too tired for sex, but he has no objection to you taking care of HIS needs! That's baloney. I wouldn't do it EVER until things are straightened out.
Okay, if I were you, I would be very leery of marrying a guy who will TAKE but not GIVE as freely. I understand that you may be giving him oral in hopes that he will reciprocate but he's STILL allowing you to cater to his needs without feeling any need to take care of yours.
Bottom line here, as the others have said, resolve this before the wedding, because problems don't magically disappear after you're married. No, they only become more obvious. You need to be on the same page about all the important issues of a relationship, not just this one.
I've been in a similar situation where there wasn't much sex and I know how frustrating it can be. While there was a good reason for my situation it was still something that we had to sit down and talk about and find a way to work around it. I also found, like you say, once you get out of the routine of having sex regularly it feels like it's strange and impossible to get back into the routine of regular sex. It ends up easier to not have sex than it does to approach your partner and wonder if you are going to be rejected again.
Marriage doesn't change anything like this. If you are not having sex now you certainly won't be after you are married. So get it sorted before you get married.
He says he is too tired. That is a load of baloney. I can't believe that he is tired every time for two months straight yet is happy to have you take care of him. I'm curious about the strange coincidence that the only time he's been interested in sex is when you've been on your period and could only give him oral sex. Sounds like he's using the opportunity to get some knowing that he doesn't have to return the favour.
There are all sorts of reasons why he might not be interested in sex so you are going to have to talk to him. Tell him that you are extremely unhappy and frankly the best way of kick starting things again will be to book a time for sex in. Tell him, for example: Saturday night. 8.00pm. We are having sex. I'll run the bath, we can both freshen up and then we'll light some candles in the bedroom and put some soft music on and we'll make love. Tell him to take it seriously.
I agree with the others. Being tired is not an excuse. You can always make time to go to bed earlier so you can get some time in before going to sleep. Or you make the effort because you know that your partner will appreciate the effort. Do not give him any more oral sex until you have sorted your problems out. If he asks, ask him what's in it for you, because let's face it, you haven't been receiving anything for a couple of months. It's one thing to do it because you enjoy it, but to do it when you know that you won't get anything in return any time soon is a whole other story.
Do not settle for what's on offer right now. Do not believe that he wants things to change until he puts action into those words for a decent length of time. Get that communication going outside of the bedroom and sort your issues out before you walk down the aisle. Do not be afraid to bring it up, because if you don't, then things will continue as they are.