He Won't Go Down on Me....What do I do??
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He Won't Go Down on Me....What do I do??
| Fri, 04-20-2007 - 12:20am |
I've been dating this great guy for 7 months now. Our sex life is great....except for one thing. It seems like he finds my vagina a turn off. At first I thought it was just that he didn't know what to do (he told me he's only tried giving oral once before), but now, it's really bothering me. He's never even used his fingers down there and the only time he'll touch me is if I'm wearing underwear. I recently had a full "womanly" exam and was tested for everything possible. The doctor said everything was great. He came with me and I showed him the results, hoping that maybe this would show him I'm "clean" and he wouldn't be so aversed to it. I even bought some of those Summer's Even vaginal wipes to make absolutely sure there's no scent or taste. And yet, he won't even try it. I've brought it up 4 different times and tried to figure out why he doesn't like it, but he just beats around the bush. A couple months ago he said he was gonna try it, but he never did. I've been giving him oral ever since we've been together and he loves it. So did I! But now that he's so disgusted by the thought of giving me the same pleasure, I've pretty much stopped. I don't find it enjoyable anymore and I've never been opposed to giving oral. What do I do!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? PLEASE, PLEASE, someone give me some advice. I'm only 19 and already sexually frustrated

There are some men who won't do it. Period! You can't MAKE him do it.
If he won't even TOUCH you.....then you're not getting any foreplay, either. He's got his hangups, and it has nothing to do with you, or your "cleanliness". He doesn't like it and he's not going to do it.
You can either learn to live without it, or you can move on.
Welcome to the board. I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this, but there are guys who just don't like to perform oral sex. I'm not sure why he doesn't want to use his fingers, does he understand that you need arousal, stimulation, etc. to enjoy intercourse?
I would try to "educate" him and see if that helps. Visit the site the-clitoris.com and have him visit with you, or ask him to visit when he has time if he is a bit shy. Also, there are books and videos available that are more instructional. Perhaps if he sees live couples doing these things, he will be more comfortable with doing them himself. The Sinclair Institute has some pretty good instructional material. One that I gave as a gift was called "Advanced Sexual Techniques". It was a book/video combo. Although it was called "advanced", I didn't find it very advanced, but it does go into g-spot stimulation, mutual masturbation and anal sex. I'm sure they have a version that is more basic, but I think this one would also get your point across while also encouraging more experimentation. Also, you can "show" him what you need him to do, or instruct him through something like oral sex. My first BF wasn't in love with giving oral sex, and he didn't know what he was doing when he did give it. I think that contributed to the problem, unfortunately, I was too shy to explain to him what he did need to do.
If he still isn't responsive, you will have to determine if this is the type of relationship that you want to stay in. It sounds like you are already bitter about him not participating.
Your sex life isn't great because you're not getting your wants, needs and desires met, your not satisfied with your sex life and you're frustrated.
It sounds like to me the first time he did it with another woman
it wasn't a good experience and he's afraid it will be the same.
Try shaving not all of it just the areas the tounge goes.
This might help.
Kareese
I admit that I'm a guy that usually insists on a freshly showered or washed woman before I perform oral sex, but if he won't even touch you there are more than just cleanliness issues going on here. Whether he had a bad experience the first time or the last time doesn't matter a lot. You've talked to him, supported him, encouraged him, explained that you'd like him to try doing it, you'd done what you can to make the experience better for him if he wanted to try it, and he won't even touch you. That says to me that he is a long way from giving you oral sex if he can't even touch you.
Unfortunately some guys are not interested in oral sex and he is one of them. You can't *make* him do it. Getting him to change his mind about this is likely to take a LONG time and a lot of work even if it does work. I think that you have to accept that he is not going to do it. I don't know where you should go with the relationship but you are upset and resentful and that will probably spill out of the bedroom and into other areas of the relationship. You need to weigh up your options and decide whether or not you can continue a relationship with this guy when so many of your needs and desires in the bedroom are not being met.
Stop giving him any oral!!!!!!!
If he ain't gonna try, don't give him any. Simple enough.
I'd quit touching his too. I'd quit giving him anything until I'd been well satisfied for a loooooong time.
Might even be time for a different guy. If he's not eager to please you early on, what do you think he'll be like when he's got you hook, line, and sinker?
Good luck
Sallie