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| Sun, 06-25-2006 - 3:13pm |
Hey all!
I don't know if anyone here has had this issue. I'm wondering how you can have a great sex life, when you're self-conscious about your body. I'd say I'm an average sized woman; I don't consider myself overweight; however, I don't fit the societal standard of beauty either, in that I'm not thin. How much does this matter to men....flat stomachs, etc., etc.? In my past relationships, the guy I was with would always tell me that I'm beautiful, that he's attracted to me.
Now, I have a budding new relationship, and I'm terrified of intimacy with him. He and I have fooled around a bit (i.e. kissing, touching); however, we haven't come close to sex. He tells me that I'm beautiful.....I really like this guy, and when the time comes, I just want to let go and enjoy making love with him. I just know he's a great lover, y'all, and I don't want my own issues to keep me from enjoying it. As a matter of fact, I've never let go sexually with a guy because of my hang-ups about body image. I always wonder what the guy's thinking and it keeps me from just letting go. I've never even had an orgasm because I can't relax during sex. Has anyone out there experienced this? Insight from guys and girls would be appreciated.
Edited 6/25/2006 3:14 pm ET by rivegauche25
I don't know if anyone here has had this issue. I'm wondering how you can have a great sex life, when you're self-conscious about your body. I'd say I'm an average sized woman; I don't consider myself overweight; however, I don't fit the societal standard of beauty either, in that I'm not thin. How much does this matter to men....flat stomachs, etc., etc.? In my past relationships, the guy I was with would always tell me that I'm beautiful, that he's attracted to me.
Now, I have a budding new relationship, and I'm terrified of intimacy with him. He and I have fooled around a bit (i.e. kissing, touching); however, we haven't come close to sex. He tells me that I'm beautiful.....I really like this guy, and when the time comes, I just want to let go and enjoy making love with him. I just know he's a great lover, y'all, and I don't want my own issues to keep me from enjoying it. As a matter of fact, I've never let go sexually with a guy because of my hang-ups about body image. I always wonder what the guy's thinking and it keeps me from just letting go. I've never even had an orgasm because I can't relax during sex. Has anyone out there experienced this? Insight from guys and girls would be appreciated.
Edited 6/25/2006 3:14 pm ET by rivegauche25

One thing that is a turn on for guys is having a confident woman who is enthusiastic about sex.
It's all up to you. You are what you are. If YOU don't like what you are, then you should work on changing it, OR learn to accept what you are. What do men like, well, different men like different things, just as women do. Some men like skinny women, some men like "normal" women like you, and some even like hugely fat women.
Do you think that this guy doesn't imagine what you look like without your clothes? Trust me, he does, and if he wasn't interested in whatever your body type is, he'd already know, and he wouldn't be with you.
We all have flaws......very few of us look like models, and believe it or not, even models, particularly photographic models have cellulite, stretch marks, whatever, and they're airbrushed out. They are no more perfect than you are. If a man is interested in you, and he cares about you, he is NEVER going to look at your body in a judgemental way. For all you know, he may not be so perfect when he's naked either. Guys can have stretch marks, scars, even some flab......but if you care about them, you don't even see that, and they're the same way. IF a guy saw you naked and said "Oh my God, your body isn't perfect"......would you even want to BE with someone like that?
You need to do some work on your self esteem. Your body is your body, and you need to realize that your body is only the package, and you certainly have a lot more to offer than your body, don't you. You need to learn to love yourself, and offer that love to him or anyone else you want to.....with NO reservations, and no worry about flaws that he wouldn't notice, or care about. A guy who's only interested in a perfect body deserves what he gets.....a great package, with nothing inside. And even those perfect bodies in time will be a lot less than perfect.
If a man tells you you're beautiful, then believe him, because to HIM you are. If he didn't think you were beautiful, inside and out, he wouldn't be with you.
Until you learn to love yourself, you'll never be able to truly love anyone else, and as Tish said, men love a woman with CONFIDENCE. They don't love a woman who's worrying about everything else but what she's there for......someone who tries to hide under the sheets, or in the dark. THAT is more of a turn off for men than a little meat on your bones.
If you learn to allow yourself to just let go, and enjoy yourself, you'll forget about your body, while he's enjoying it.
I think the majority of women deal with body image issues to some degree. Heck, why wouldn't we though? We're held up to ridiculous standards of beauty and sexiness that would make anyone feel a little insecure.
The key to peace & happiness, IMO, is to stop listening to what sociey is telling us and start listening to your own internal dialogue & your new guy. YOU are perfect as you are, YOU deserve great sex and YOU deserve to be loved and adored.
Do those things that you know you do well. Do those things that make you feel sexy, feminine and desirable. And most importantly, let him love you.
Believe your new guy. He knows what he sees and he likes it. And remember, this goes both ways. Men worry that their partner will be disappointed as well.
Thanks again.
Mali