HELP!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2004
HELP!!!
16
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 4:57pm

Okay I don't even know if this is the right board to post this on, but I need help desperatly. My fiance' and I have had sex only twice since we have been together and both times he has had lets just say a problem rising to the ocassion. I know this maybe a little to detailed and if it is I am sorry. He just doesn't seem to ever get really hard it still seems a little squirmy to me even after a bj. I have never had this problem before and he has not said anything about it so I am assuming that this must be normal for him. I don't know how to discuss it with him and so I haven't said anything about it I have just avoided having sex with him since then. I don't know what to do is it something I should think will get better or what? I am a firm believer in the 3 strikes and you are out rule in a relationship for most offenses should I just apply that here?

Thanks

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: steelcountrylovin
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 5:21pm

Wait a minute, he's your fiance', you've only had sex with him twice, he didn't get a full erection both times and you're thinking the third time it happens, should you dump him?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2005
In reply to: steelcountrylovin
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 5:31pm
I agree with Tish. Take your time and be patient. Try to make him as comfortable as possible if he seems tense or nervous.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: steelcountrylovin
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 5:44pm

Do you love this guy? Would you really be willing to dump him just because he MAY be having erectile problems? How long have you two been together? And why are you unwilling to discuss this with him?

Having PE isn't an "offense" though, it's not something a man can consciously control!

Sex is just one part of marriage but it's an important part, so it NEEDS to be discussed along with all the other important subjects....children, finances, religion, employment, personal and mutual goals, etc. etc. etc BEFORE you walk down the aisle together.

TALK to this man. Find out what's going before you throw the baby out with the bathwater!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to: steelcountrylovin
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 7:27pm

I agree totally with what tish had to say too.

>>He just doesn't seem to ever get really hard it still seems a little squirmy to me even after a bj.<<

It seems that he's reasonably hard. My guess would be that he's a little nervous because the two of you are new to having sex together. He might have picked up the vibes from you that you were unhappy with something during sex and that will have distracted him too. He will have been wondering why you didn't seem "into" it.

Keep having sex and stop worrying about his erection so much. If it keeps happening, then Yes, there is probably a problem of some sort. But the odds are that it will quickly get better. It's crazy to consider dumping the guy after two occasions where it was a little soft.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: steelcountrylovin
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 9:41pm

I don't think that marrying somebody based on a good/bad sex life is the defining reason to continuing or ending an possible marriage, HOWEVER, sex is always a big issue in relationships.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
In reply to: steelcountrylovin
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 9:56pm

<>


No. Where's the "offense"?



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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
In reply to: steelcountrylovin
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 11:52pm

You're calling him your fiance.....which implies that you have plans to marry him. But you can't talk to him about something as simple and basic as a SLIGHT sex problem? His erection isn't hard enough to suit you? Rather than discuss it like an adult, you just avoid having sex. So, how's that working for you so far?

You say you've never had this problem before? You're right, because YOU don't have a problem, if there IS a problem, it's his, not yours. A loving and caring fiancee would have some compassion for what is probably nothing more than nervousness, and as someone else mentioned, his reaction to your dissatisfaction with sex, and with him.

If you can't discuss THIS with him, then you'd better not marry him.....because if you can't communcate, you won't have much of a marriage. Start talking. Stop assuming! Problems don't just go away because you avoid dealing with them. Deal with it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2004
In reply to: steelcountrylovin
Fri, 07-08-2005 - 9:50am
Okay this reply is to everyone. I would talk to him, but I am unable to talk to him about even the smallest issue with out him getting defensive and yelling at me. I just don't know how I can talk to him about sexual issues if I can't talk to him about anything else. I mean he real seemed to enjoy the sex, but I am into alot of what some people may call taboo so I guess that maybe we are expecting different things out of the sex. I guess maybe what it comes down to is that we don't really have a very healthy relationship in the first place.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: steelcountrylovin
Fri, 07-08-2005 - 10:20am

>> I would talk to him, but I am unable to talk to him about even the smallest issue with out him getting defensive and yelling at me. <<

My dear, this is a far bigger issue than whether or not he can attain a suitable erection. Really. It is.

I very strongly suggest that you review just why it is that you would consider marrying this man, under these circumstances. Your chances for a happy and fulfilling marriage seem bleak, at best.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: steelcountrylovin
Fri, 07-08-2005 - 10:44am

I agree with Jackson, there are much more important issues here than an erection.


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