HELP!!!
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| Thu, 07-07-2005 - 4:57pm |
Okay I don't even know if this is the right board to post this on, but I need help desperatly. My fiance' and I have had sex only twice since we have been together and both times he has had lets just say a problem rising to the ocassion. I know this maybe a little to detailed and if it is I am sorry. He just doesn't seem to ever get really hard it still seems a little squirmy to me even after a bj. I have never had this problem before and he has not said anything about it so I am assuming that this must be normal for him. I don't know how to discuss it with him and so I haven't said anything about it I have just avoided having sex with him since then. I don't know what to do is it something I should think will get better or what? I am a firm believer in the 3 strikes and you are out rule in a relationship for most offenses should I just apply that here?
Thanks

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Hey steelcountry! Oh, BTW, good luck at the Metrodome this coming season, lol. ;)
Anyway, I think the replies are dead on about this being an issue of relationship and not just sex.
First thing's first though, there are NUMEROUS reasons for us men having trouble with erections. It could be fatigue or stress or emotions or anything that may be temporary and solvable. It didn't sound like anything permanent or serious by what you described.
YES you need to talk with him about enjoying foreplay together as well. Make that sex FUN, not routine, thats the message he needs to understand IMO.
Before anything sexual though, you need to talk with him straightforward and find out what you feel your relationship will be like in the future. NOW is the time to decide if you really believe this will work or not. Everybody is right, if you can't solve your issues today, what do you think you're gonna do tomorrow?
C H A R A C T E R
Seems as if you should have discussed all this BEFORE you became engaged, shouldn't you? But just because he's having some probably minor erection problems at the moment, does NOT mean that he won't enjoy some of the same things later.
And even if he becomes defensive and angry when you attempt to discuss touchy subjects....he STILL needs to know how you feel and what you expect. Premarital counseling would be HIGHLY recommended.
He sounds a little controlling and insecure to me. Doesn't sound as if he trusts you. Is there some reason for that? And it sounds as if he's using his anger as manipulation.
But you definitely should reconsider your engagement to him UNLESS and until you're both willing to go to premarital counseling and get all your concerns on the table. There's just no way to know what he's thinking or why he's behaving the way he is until you ask.
However, we all bring baggage into each relationship so his behavior and defensiveness may actually have nothing to do with you at all. Talk with him about postponing your marriage and tell him why you're concerned.
Edited 7/8/2005 3:43 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
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