Help!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2006
Help!!
3
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 10:05am
I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR ALMOST 17 YEARS AND HE LOVES ME VERY MUCH. I HAVE RECENTLY LOST ALOT OF WEIGHT (145 POUNDS). ANYWAY, HE HAS HAD A HARD TIME ADJUSTING TO THE SUDDEN CHANGE AND ALL. IN THE MEAN TIME, I HAVE HAD A MARRIED MAN DO ALOT OF SWEET TALKING TO ME AND WON MY HEART OVER. HE WOULD GO OUT OF HIS WAY TO DO WHAT HE COULD FOR ME. TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT, THIS HAS BEEN A LONG TIME SECRET AND HE AND I HAD BEEN VERY HAPPY FOR ALMOST A YEAR. WELL RECENTLY (ABOUT 3 MONTHS AGO WE STOP SEEING EACH OTHER BECAUSE HIS WIFE WAS ON HIM 24/7 AND WOULDN'T LET HIM LEAVE HER SIDE! THIS HAS REALLY HURT ME. WHILE WE WERE SEEING EACH OTHER HE TOLD ME THAT HE LOVED ME AND WOULDN'T GIVE ME UP BUT DID SAY THAT HE WOULD BE IN AND OUT OF MY LIFE. BUT NOW I WORK LESS THAN A MILE FROM HIS HOME AND I REALLY MISS HIM ALOT. I CALLED HIM AND TOLD HIM (THIS PAST WEEK WHERE I WORK AND GAVE HIM MY WORK NUMBER) AND I'M WAITING FOR HIM TO MAKE A MOVE. THAT WAS THREE DAYS AGO AND NOTHING. THINGS BETWEEN MY HUSBAND AND I ARE GOOD BUT I NEED HIM AND WANT HIM SO MUCH (THE OTHER GUY) WHEN HE WAS AROUND I WAS HAPPY AND NOW I'M JUST HERE (IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. MY HEART IS HURTING AND I THINK OF HIM ALOT!!!!WHAT CAN OR SHOULD I DO. I DO LOVE HIM AND WANT TO SEE HIM AND BE WITH HIM AGAIN (AND YES SEX, WAS GREAT). HELP. A BROKEN HEART!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
In reply to: luckylady9
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 10:21am

I'm not sure what kind of "help" you want. You're not going to get much sympathy or commiseration here about an affair with a married man. He told you he'd be in and out of your life, and it seems like this is an "out" period. He's married, and his wife probably knows about you, and she's hanging on tight (I can't imagine why, but that's HER problem!). If he wasn't happy at home, he wouldn't care what she wants. Or let me put it another way, if he really cared for you, he'd be ending his marriage so that he could be with you.

You've let your weight loss go to your head, and you're infatuated with this new guy, and the fact that you can attract any man. You said you know your husband loves you very much, but you didn't say what your feelings are for him. Do you think he deserves what you're doing to him? How do you think he'll feel if he finds out? And, trust me, he will find out. One way or another, these things come out. If this guy's wife gets angry enough, she might contact him herself. It happens a lot!

I can only tell you one thing. If a married man is willing to cheat with you, he's a cheater, and dollars to donuts, you weren't the first, and you won't be the last. By some stretch of the imagination, if you wind up with him, you'll never trust him. He cheated on his wife, he'll cheat on you. The old saying is that if he does it WITH you, he'll do it TO you!

There is an "affairs" board on iVillage. You might want to go there where you can talk to others in your situation, and you might get more sympathy and understanding, and maybe benefit from the experiences of others who have been in, or are in similar situations.

Good luck on getting your head and your life together!

PS: Congratulations on that weight loss! That's an amazing accomplishment, and you should be VERY proud of yourself for that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: luckylady9
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 10:40am

I agree with everything Dakine said and have nothing more to add.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2006
In reply to: luckylady9
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 4:39pm
Thank you, Dakine001!! I was not looking for any type of sympathy but more like a eye opener. Thats exactly what you had done for me. Was to get me to thinking about was the real truth is. Thanks again.